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cujosgirl15

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About cujosgirl15

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Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    April 6, 2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    VITAS Hollywood, Florida

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Clerrmont, Florida
  1. I am so sorry for your losses….my grandma passed from Alzheimer's in April this year and it was heart wrenching. It was about a 6 year roller coaster of heath problems ending in a 2 year battles with dementia that progressed to Alzheimer's. The Alzheimer's progressed very quickly…less than a year and she was gone…You've been through a lot…losing both your parents. There is no time limit on grieving. Don't rush it, don't push it down. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or stupid for grieving as long as you feel you need to. There is no right or wrong.
  2. Continuing on with this topic…sort of…has anyone consulted with a "medium" or that sort of thing regarding a loved one that has passed?
  3. So sorry for you loss, Meg. Moving on is an individual decision. Everyone is different. I have a cousin who lost her 17 year old son in a terrible car accident in 2012 and she still mourns the same today as she did the day it happened. My granny passed April 6, 2015 and my mom (her daughter) barely grieves…while I still cry every day for my grandmother. Different people just handle things differently. I don't know when I will be able to just say I am healed enough to "move on". Some people never do. I am just trying to maintain a healthy life for my family while grieving at the same time. Thats not always easy. It's downright difficult when the family seems to have split apart now…like ours has. Just take your time and go at your own pace. You'll get there.
  4. I am so sorry for your loss. Suicide is so very complex and the survivors are left with so many questions. I am speaking from both sides as I have been affected by someone close taking their own life and I have tried myself about a year and a half ago. I can only tell you what I was thinking at the time was how I wanted the pain to end. I had been beaten down emotionally by family so much that I felt completely worthless as a wife and mother and human being. I didn't think I deserved my life. I am a former cutter/self harmer (since I was a teenager and off and on throughout my life). I went with what I knew and slit my wrist and took a few Xanax. I had been crying on the phone with my brother at the time and when I started not answering him he sent his wife over to check on me…Of course they called an ambulance and my daughter called my husband at work.The whole while all I wanted was to go to sleep..I got to the hospital with my sister in law by my side. I was in and out of consciousness. The doctors asking if i had done it on purpose this time and I didn't lie. I said yes. He said I just barely knicked an artery in my wrist. I needed a lot of stitching up.My husband showed up, having been at work. I kept telling him how sorry I was. At that point the decision to take me to a treatment facility was made…I could spend up to 72 hours there. I was too tired to fight it at that point. Coming out of that was rough…The scars alone remind me every day what I did. I'm glad I didn't succeed though. Thinking back now with a clearer head my son would have been lost without me and knowing my daughter would have found me like that…well it kills me. I promised my family never again. What I want you to know is people who commit suicide aren't necessarily wanting to die…they want to end the pain they are in. It could take some investigating your mom's papers, journals, medications, doctors, etc…to maybe find out what was possibly going on that maybe she wasn't sharing with anyone else. My aunt shot herself in the head while on the phone with her son as he was trying to get to her….we still don't know just why and that was in the early 80's. Sometimes we never fund out why. That is the saddest part. Its ok to be angry, but please…don't stay angry…especially if you loved that person.Let the anger go and try to find some kind of peace eventually. Talk to anyone you can who could shed some light on things. Do what you need to do to find out. Please don't think of her as selfish though. Believe me…in our minds, when we are contemplating it…we are thinking about what is best for everyone else…NOT us…we think you will be better off without us. That was my frame of mind. I was worthless. Again…I am so very sorry for you loss….it is true somethings we never know the why of what happened. Don't let it weigh you down. It will consume you.
  5. Thank you all…I am so glad to have found this place. I feel such comfort here. Something I haven't felt in months now except from my husband. He has been amazing along with my children. Outside of that I have been struggling so much and reading your responses just really made me feel good. There have been other signs from my granny that have been straight to me and not through my son…and I treasure them. It makes me thirst for the next one. It is like having a secret between just me and her. They seem to come when I am at my lowest…as if she knows. I think that is how I know it is real. Heidi, I am hoping you will find some kind of peace or sign from your mom. I know each sign I get it helps me so much so I know what you are going through.
  6. My grandmother passed away on April 6, 2015 from a long and terrible aggressive fight with Alzheimer's. She was a mother to me…she raised me80% of my life. Understandably, I am having an extremely difficult time with her passing. Even though we knew it was coming and spent her last 12 days in the hospital hospice floor with her…it was still something I couldn't wrap my head around. It didn't hit me until after the funeral. Not until her grave plaque was done and all the insurance and money and estate was done. It made it all so final. I realized I haven't gone this long without hearing her voice. She lived such a beautiful life full of service to others…taking care of us was what she did.She was my rock…and the only reason I am alive and a halfway normal human being. Now…on to what we have discovered…our son is autistic, verbally around a 6-8 yr old level. Granny was very very protective of him since he was a baby…he was sick a lot…has a seizure disorder also. It was scary for us since I lived with her at the time. Me and my son and daughter. I was divorced then.The year it took us to figure out his medical problems and get him the help he needed took its toll on all of us. They formed such a bond. Both my kids had a strong bond with their great granny.Just like I had with her. Since the time she was in hospice we had our son with us at the hospital too….talking to his granny just like normal even though she was sedated on Morphine. They said she could hear us. He would tell her he loved her and she was pretty. He would kiss her and hold her hand. When she passed and after the funeral we came back home to Orlando (she is buried in south Florida) and for the first few weeks our son would say things at bedtime like "granny says she loves you" or "granny misses you" and one time he said "Tell Carl Granny says she's sorry". That just about knocked me to the ground. Carl is granny's son. He lives in south Florida, he is my uncle. He was her main caregiver the last 2 or 3 years along with some outside help at the end. He blamed himself for so much. I started crying immediately. How could my boy just come up with something like that on his own?? There was no way. When I finally told my uncle he cried. He just couldn't believe it. I've done research and they say autistics are very sensitive to the spiritual world…maybe she is with him and if so…it makes me very happy. A few other things have happened over the last three months…little things and big things too. It doesn't happen everyday, but often enough to have me believe that my grandmother is definitely here and watching over my family…especially our son. He was her baby just as much as mine…she worried about him because of his special needs. The past thing she would always say to me when we would get off the phone would always be "take care of that baby"…even though he is 24 now. Always.."take care of those babies"…talking about my kids. That was her. I hope I keep hearing from her…the things that happen are just too strange not to be straight from her.
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