Critterdoll

Chivon, I also am so very, very sorry to read about what happened to your precious Bailey. That is a horrible image for you to carry around, but others here have made great suggestions as how to cope with your loss. When anyone in this group loses a pet, we all feel the pain as if it happened to us. I was crying my eyes out reading about the tragic accident, and that is what is was, an accident. It is obvious your Bailey was very much loved by you, and you were loved by him, that is why he was always following you around. I don't know what else to say right now to console you, but do know that we are here to share in your sorrow. I lost my Spooky a few months ago to old age as he was 21 years old. I had to have him put to sleep which doesn't make the pain any easier, knowing it had to be done. But at least it wasn't as unexpected as what you went through. I truly feel sorry for what you are experiencing but just know it wasn't your fault. Many things happen in life that we can never know why they happen, and we have to accept that sometimes things really are out of our control. I pray that God grants you His peace and gives you comfort in dealing with this traumatic thing that happened. Any time you need to talk, we are here to listen. Blessings, ~ Mia ~

I was crying my eyes out as I read your story about your precious Leia (and what a beautiful name for a beautiful cat). I am so, so sorry that she had to suffer so much, and you right along with her. She sounds like she was a very loving cat despite the abuse she had suffered. She just knew she was in a home where no harm would come to her, and it is obvious that you did provide her with the love she deserved so much. I lost my beloved Spooky a few months ago, also having had to make the heart wrenching decision to have him put down. After having been his mom for 21 years, he had just gotten too old to enjoy life anymore and he was suffering so I had no choice but to make that horrible decision. I am still grieving because I loved him so very much, but I know I made the right decision. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You showered Leia with all the love you had to give, and for sure you are doing the same with your remaining furbabies. If Leia seemed at times to be her "usual self" and doing all her purring and seemed happy, how were you to know she was so sick. She knew without a doubt that she was so loved by you. We as animal lovers know that animals have so much more intuition than humans do, so even if you weren't able to cuddle with her as much as you would have liked, she knew -- the bond was there, and that never changes. I was so close to my furbaby Spooky and he to me, that we knew each other like a book. He was my feline soulmate. I believe, and I'm sure others here do also, that human to animal bonds can often be even stronger than human to human bonds. I do think the vets did do the right thing by not waking Leia up since she was in so much pain. Waking her up again for you to say goodbye would not have made it any easier for any of you, and no amount of last moments with her would have ever been enough. That is how I felt about Spooky. After they gave him a sedative before the final shot, I just kissed him and told him I love him forever and walked out of the room, crying my eyes out, I just couldn't bear the pain of the final goodbye. To love much is to hurt much. Blessings, ~ Mia ~

Marj, what a gorgeous picture of your precious Gb! He sure was a beautiful cat! I love the letter M on his forehead. Does that stand for Marj? You are so lucky to have gotten such a lovely picture of Gb. I really wish I had even one such beautiful picture of my Spooky. By the way, right before Halloween, Walgreens was selling a wooden Halloween table display of the word spooky done up in colored glitter. What do you think? Of course I bought it, and it is still displayed on a shelf in my livingroom. I keep scrolling up to take another look at your sweetie Gb, he is so gorgeous. ~ Mia ~

Kimber528, I also am so very sorry for your loss of your beloved Nitro! Of course we care in this group as Marty and KayC stated in their posts. When I had to have my beloved Spooky put down, I found this group, and found the people in this group to be very caring and understanding of my grief. I found much comfort here, and you will too if you give it a chance. We all dearly loved our pets as well as all animals, and when anyone who comes here needing to express their grief, we feel as if the loss of their pets happened to each of us personally. I have read other people's posts and cried over their losses as much as I have cried over the loss of my own pet. These are a wonderful bunch of people who have empathized with me more than some of my own friends have. I have come to care about these people as if I've known them all my life. Maybe you can more closely describe the circumstances in which you lost Nitro and tell us why you feel such guilt. We have all felt guilt over the loss of our pets to some measure, myself included. I felt like I let my Spooky down near the end of his life. As far as the grief you are feeling, believe me, we do feel, and have felt exactly as you are now feeling. That is why we are able to empathize with you. I lost my babydoll a little over three months ago and I still feel the emptiness, sadness and loss, but it is not as acute as it was in the beginning. I still find it hard to accept that he is gone, after all, having a pet for 21 years and then suddenly he is no longer there is very hard to deal with. But we must. Life has to go on, and in time maybe we will be able to accept new pets to love into our lives. I myself am not quite ready for that yet, but I know down the road I will be. That doesn't mean Spooky will have been forgotten (never in a million years), but we can love other pets in a different way, each for their own personalities, just like we do with people. The overwhelming sadness and grief you are now feeling will ease in time, even though you might find that hard to believe right now. If you are a spiritual person, take comfort also that God will help you through your pain. So, please do feel completely free to come here and post, and you will see that we are all behind you in your grief. Maybe you have a picture of Nitro you can post as well? Blessings, ~ Mia ~

Hi all, I haven't been here for awhile. I banged up the same injured toe again and had to go back to the doctor. The thin layer of film that grows over the toe until the nail grows back lifted up due to banging my toe and the doctor had to grind that film down to get rid of it. It sure did hurt when it got down to the toe while he was grinding. He said otherwise the toe is doing ok and the nail is starting to grow back, although it looks weird. Yesterday was three months and one week since Spooky has been gone. I still do miss him terribly and sometimes my mind goes back to the day I had to have him put down. When that happens I still cry as if it just happened. In Marj's thread the discussion was basically about having to relive the pain through every new season and I believe that to be so true. A few days ago when I was about to fall into a crying jag, I picked up a book I have about Grumpy Cat and read a few pages. That's what I needed was to have a few good laughs to forget my sorrow. I am assuming you all know about Grumpy Cat and his hilarious negativity. Nothing like Grumpy Cat to pick up your mood, that's for sure. A few times I have gone to a Petco near my home to look at the cats up for adoption, just to feel better. The last time I went, there was a mother and daughter there to choose a kitten for adoption. The little girl fell in love with a black and white kitten that loved to be held, but her mother preferred another one I named Miss Independent right on the spot. It was a gorgeous pale gray, pale beige and white patchwork kitten who for the life of her did not want to be held. Every time they picked her up she squirmed her cute little way out of their arms. That's how I came up with the name of Miss Independent and everyone agreed that was the perfect name for her. I don't know who they ended up choosing because they said they would come back the next day with the girl's father to help decide. Miss Independent was gorgeous, but I personally will want a cat who loves to be held, like my Spooky loved to be cuddled. ~ Mia ~

Hi all, Kayc, that is a gorgeous painting of your dog! If he is so beautiful in the painting, I can imagine how beautiful he looked in real life! Even in the painting one can sense the joy he had for life. I love the idea of a tattoo of a paw print. I wouldn't mind having one myself if I was courageous enough to have a tattoo done. Marj, I do hope that Hamish is doing even better than before and that he is getting even more used to your kitten kids. They must really be growing into "teenagers" by now and causing joyous havoc all over the house. I also hope the large print of Gb you ordered turns out well. Blessings, ~ Mia ~

Carrie, I am so glad that you have gotten through the surgeries and I hope your vision will start improving soon! I am so sad to hear what has happened to people in your neck of the woods because of the fires. How sad about the people who lost their lives because of this! After I read about you having Meniere's, I looked it up online because I wasn't familiar with what it was, so now I have a clear understanding of what you have been going through with respect to that. You truly are one brave woman! But I know God has been with you through all you have been going through, and He will continue to be with you as He never forsakes us! If I were in your shoes, I don't know that I would have been able to hold back tears no matter what the doctor said. Just hang on until the time when you will be able to cry, and when that time comes, we will be here to help you through your grieving for your precious babies! God Bless You Carrie! Kayc, I have heard that yes, cataracts have to get worse before they can be removed. I know a few people who have had them removed and now are happy with the results. My toe feels much better. As of yet the nail has not started growing back yet, but despite that I feel no pain (unless I bang it somewhere). A few days ago for the first time I was able to wear sneakers, but I still put a band aid over the toe to give it a little protection in the closed shoes. Carrie, I thank you for your prayers, and my prayers are with you, as well as with all the rest of you as well! I pray that you continue to improve day by day! Marj, when the time comes to adopt, I do hope indeed that Spooky would help me find new babies to love as much as I loved and still love him. He knew he was loved very much, and I would tell him that all the time, using a certain tone of voice that he recognized as a loving tone of voice. He sure knew me like a book, as I knew him, which comes from living together for so long. Blessings to you all, ~ Mia ~

Athos, I feel your pain. I had to put my beloved Spooky to sleep a little over two months ago after being his mom for 21 years. It feels so empty in my heart as well as in my home without him. Right after losing him, each time I came home I felt like I was in shock not having him greet me; the emptiness I felt was excruciating. It was like no matter where you turn there is no relief from the pain and sorrow. I am so sorry for you, especially losing two beloved pets so close together. Don't get another pet until you feel completely ready and able to open your heart to another. I will be moving within the next year, and once I move I will want to be a mom again to some precious furbabies. But even if I was not moving away, I still wouldn't feel ready for more pets yet. I still feel like I am in the grieving process and my heart still hurts too much to be able to commit to another pet. When I know I will be able to wholeheartedly give all the love I have to give to another, then I will adopt. It would not be fair to the next pet (or pets) if I were not able to commit myself emotionally to the next one as that next one (or ones) deserve. Your friends might think they are being helpful by suggesting you get another now, but you have to listen to your heart. You, and only you know how hurt you are feeling, and getting another pet too soon would be like putting a band aid on a deep wound that hasn't healed yet. My prayers are with you that you will be able to get through the difficult and heart wrenching time you are going through! Blessings, ~ Mia ~

Marj, the words you found on Pinterest are beautiful and thought provoking! I am really glad to hear that Hamish is ok which I assume means he is now accepting of your kitten kids. I understand your continued feelings of sadness for Gb and of missing him. No matter how much you will grow to love your new precious pets, they cannot take the place of Gb. People who don't understand (or like) animals can't understand that each animal is an individual, with their own special personalities just like people. The last few days I have been feeling especially sad over missing Spooky. I am still in the mode of, last time I did this or I did that, Spooky was still with me. I am still finding it hard to accept that he truly is gone, and I have been very weepy the last few days. It is stormy here in New York, and in the past if the weather was gloomy like this, Spooky and I would cuddle up together and ride out the storm in each other's company. Now all I have to cuddle up with is memories, but for now those memories are still making me very sad. ~ Mia ~

Copperpot, thanks for the pictures. Finn is absolutely adorable! He looks like he has a mischievous little spark in his eye which I think is so cute! I'm glad you are getting to know and enjoy him and his mannerisms. ~ Mia ~

Kayc, I guess because the physical pain at the time will stronger than the ache in the heart. It makes perfect sense. How wonderful also to know that your husband was Native American! I have always been fascinated with the Native American culture! I have a number of books on that subject and always said that if I had lived during the 1700's or 1800's during the time when the Native American culture really thrived, I would have liked to have been from that culture. ~ Mia ~

Marj, thank God that Hamish is eating and starting to be himself again! I am truly glad to hear that! Of course we care what's going on in your little family! And you cry as much as you need to, as I still am, and I am sure others are still doing! We truly loved our babies, and that love doesn't end just because they are gone! They will live in our hearts forever! Despite my sadness over losing Spooky, I wouldn't trade the time I had with him for anything. God gave us our babies for a reason, because He knew we would love them and cherish them! He entrusted them to people He knew would treat them as He expects His creations to be treated! And I am now looking again at kayc's end of the post phrase (for lack of a better word): We WILL meet again! ...my Soulmate, my best friend, thru all time. How true that is! ~ Mia ~

Thanks for your comments kayc and Carrie! Funny thing (not really) was that even after the numbness wore off from the shots the doctor gave me, it still didn't hurt that much unless I walked around. But....... I did not end up escaping pain unscathed after all. Up to that point the most pain I felt was the shots and a bit when the doctor pulled the nail off completely with pliers. The pain started happening for some strange reason after I removed the bandaging on Tuesday morning according to the doctor's instructions. The toe started throbbing, and continued throughout the day and escalated to a point on Tuesday night where I had to take four Advil for the pain to subside. It was so bad I spent all Tuesday evening crying. (That was one way of getting my mind off of Spooky.) I called the doctor Wednesday morning, and although I wasn't supposed to go in for a follow-up until this Saturday, he told me to come in for a look see right away. Good thing his office is right around the corner from my house. He looked at it and said for having had the nail pulled off only four days before, it was looking as it should (not much swelling and no infection). He wasn't able to give an explanation as to why I felt the pain at that point in time, but I was just relieved things are progressing as they should. I told him I would grin and bear the pain, just as long as I know there is no infection. At this point the toe is feeling a bit better, but I'm still on antibiotic and have to apply iodine and dress the toe every day. Kayc, here in New York it still is sandal time thank God. I am grateful this didn't happen during closed shoe season because there is no way I will be able to put a closed shoe on right now because the nailbed is extremely sensitive and somewhat painful if I touch it. (Yesterday hit 89 degrees and today around 87 degrees, which both days probably broke records for September.) I still felt God was with me because in reality I should have felt that excruciating pain all along and I didn't. Most of the time the pain I felt didn't match the injury I sustained. My heart is more injured over losing Spooky. Thanks be to God that my toe will heal, but the pain in my heart for Spooky will never go away. God just softens the pain with the passage of time. Love never dies! Carrie, I can't wait until the time you will be able to cry and let out all the anguish you have been experiencing lately. My prayers have been with you also, and thanks for your prayers! You truly are a courageous woman, I have to say! God be with you throughout your journey of trials! Blessings, ~ Mia ~

Oh Marj, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through right now! Poor Hamish, I hate to hear how stressed he is with the new babies in the house! He obviously was so set in his ways with Gb, as were you, that even though he has seen the kitties for such a short time, it maybe upsets him because they can't take the place of Gb. So maybe it's not the amount of times he has seen them, but rather, just him knowing they are in the same house as he. Cats are so territorial as you know. I really wish I had some advice for you right now, but I am coming up short. The stress is making you feel the sadness over losing Gb all over again. Maybe Hamish thinks you are favoring the kitties over him now? The only thing I can suggest is at least for now, spend more time with Hamish than ever before. At least the kitties have each other for company, but it looks like Hamish needs you physically near him now to make up for the loss of Gb. Maybe that will be a reassurance to him that you are not trying to replace him and that you love him as much as you always have. Keep us posted as to how things are going, ok? Blessings, ~ Mia ~

Judy, my heart goes out to you in your grief and the horrible experience you went through in parting with Lucy. She is a beautiful dog! I think all of us feel, regardless of how the end of our pets' life happened, that one minute he or she was here, the next minute not, everything happens so quickly. Lucy does know that you loved her dearly, and knows it wasn't your fault how things happened. I also feel so badly for your other dogs who miss Lucy as you do. They grieve as you do. Please try your best to reassure them and be there for them so they know you love them as much as ever and Lucy's departure will not change that. You all have that grief-bond right now and need to get through it together. We are here for you anytime you need a shoulder to cry on. We are in the same boat as you and feel your pain. Blessings, ~ Mia ~

Kelly, cry as much as you need to and don't hold back! I still feel the pain seven weeks after losing Spooky. In the beginning I felt like screaming, I missed Spooky so much. But time has a way of healing, and in time you will find getting through your days a little easier, day by day. There is no time limit to our grieving process; it takes what it takes. I still miss Spooky terribly, but I find now that I am able to function a little more normally than I was in the beginning. At first I could think of nothing else but him, but now, with the passing of time I am finding myself thinking of other things, and hopefully finding some measure of happiness with new furbabies to love in the future . As far as finding these wonderful people in this group, I believe it truly helped me in my grief process, the sincere support of these caring people. It is always easier to bear grief when you have the support of people who have been exactly where you are right now. Blessings, ~ Mia ~

Muggins, your Samara was a beautiful dog! I had my feline furbaby Spooky for 21 years, but I love dogs as well! The crushing pain you are now feeling is perfectly understandable and normal since you loved Samara so much. We have all felt that, and I still sometimes feel it even seven weeks after having my sweet Spooky put to sleep. That's what I also think about: all the tomorrows without Spooky. In time I hope to adopt some more furbabies, either two cats or a cat and a dog. Not that any other pet will make up for the one we have lost. Spooky was the light of my life for so long, it is hard to get used to being without him. Each one is loved for their own individual personalities, that's for sure, but for some there will always be that one special pet whose essence stays with us forever. You have definitely come to the right place! Everyone here is so loving and genuinely caring and we help each other get through some very hard times! Muggins, my heart truly goes out to you in your loss. Just know that Samara (beautiful name!) is at peace now in heaven where she is waiting for you to see her again someday. Blessings, ~ Mia ~

Not only Chester, but all you furbabies are adorable! Also, how are things progressing with Finn? Are you getting to know more of his personality yet? ~ Mia ~

Chimama83, I have not experienced cancer in a pet before, but just the same my heart goes out to you knowing you love your pet dearly and only want the best for him. In that, we are all in the same boat. We want the best for our furbabies, and grieve when something terrible happens, whether it involves illness, natural death, or euthanizing. I just pray that God gives you the strength to deal with your sweet Toby and that you can make him as comfortable as possible and just shower him with all the love you have in you (which I know you are doing anyway). Blessings, ~ Mia ~

Summer Sun, what a gorgeous furbaby you had! My heart goes out to you in your loss. Believe me, I know exactly how you are feeling. I had to have my cat Spooky put to sleep after having been mom to him for 21 years. I also wrestled with the decision of when to have him euthanized. In my case it wasn't really an illness, but rather, very old age. I finally made the decision to do it when he couldn't stand up at all, and he was declining almost by the day for awhile before that. Like others have said, we all go through some form of guilt with regard to our beloved pets and whether we did the right thing or did we do it at the right time, etc. Your precious Nina was meant to go at the time she did. If you had made it to the vet, you still might have ended up feeling guilty, maybe telling yourself that she shouldn't have died in such a clinical place. (BTW, my mother's name was Nina.) I felt guilt because for awhile before I had Spooky euthanized, I knew I would have to do it soon so I tried to distance myself from him by at times ignoring him, thinking it would hurt less after he is gone if I distance myself from him. I now felt like I let him down in the end, and I think my grief ended up being worse because of that. Summer Sun, from what you wrote, if appears to me that you did all you could for her. You were a loving mom to her for 14 years, and that right there shows the extent of how much you cared about your Nina. I hope you take some measure of comfort that she is at peace now. I know that right now nothing anyone says will ease the terrible pain you are experiencing, but just know that we are here for you and understand your pain since we have and still are experiencing that same pain you are now going through. Blessings to you! ~ Mia ~

Carrie, I also am glad that you came through the surgery reasonably ok, but I do sincerely hope that you start seeing clearer as time passes! I have worn glasses since the age of nine, so I can understand not seeing clearly. I can't see clearly even two feet in front of me. Especially for you right now it's got to be very frustrating since cataract surgery is supposed to make your vision better. I have been praying for you knowing you would be having that second surgery. God bless you and your patience with all you have been going through! A friend of mine had cataract surgery a few years ago, and while she was at it, she also had lasik (spelling?) done at the same time and now doesn't need glasses at all. Carrie, I will continue to pray for you that your life will get back to normal as quickly as possible and you can also properly grieve for Beauregard! I went through something traumatic just four days ago myself. I badly banged my foot into furniture and my big toenail popped off almost completely and was only hanging by the cuticle. It was bleeding pretty badly and I was absolutely horrified over what happened. I had to wait two days to see my podiatrist because of his office hours. I finally got to see him Saturday morning and he gave me four shots in the toe (painful as heck) to numb it and then he pulled off the toenail completely. He said if I left it on, it would have most likely caused a serious infection. After that I had to keep my foot elevated. So here I am with a bandaged toe and have to limp around and not be able to take a shower until tomorrow after not having showered since this happened. He told me to remove the bandaging tomorrow morning which I cringe to do, because after he pulled the nail off, I saw the raw bloody nailbed and now will have to see it again after removing the bandaging. Ugh!! I am also on antibiotics to ward off infection just the same. After that it's just a matter of waiting for a new nail to grow back which he told me would take at least 8 months. I'm just hoping that when it gets cold and I have to wear closed shoes, the nailbed won't feel too sensitive with a shoe over it. But I truly believe God was with me through this, because even though this was and is horrific, supposedly according to the doctor, I should have been in excruciating pain the minute the nail popped off, yet I have not felt that much pain except for the shots, and now some pain since he removed the nail. Bless the Lord!! I still do cry over Spooky and went through a huge crying bout a couple of days ago, especially since I was just sitting around for days with my foot elevated and had more time to think. This past Saturday was already seven weeks since he is gone. It seems like the time passed quickly, but at the same time I feel like I have been grieving forever. I have not been able to pack more belongings for my move since this accident I had, but overall, I have not done much since losing Spooky. As soon as my foot is better I absolutely must continue packing because time is of the essence for me, not to mention I can't wait to adopt some more furbabies whenever I get into a new home! Hugs to you all! ~ Mia ~

I am very sorry that this happened to you and your sweet kitty! Things sometimes happen that we have no control over. What happened was out of the love you had for this kitty. You said you bonded with him so that's why you wanted him near you. You can't allow guilt to get the better of you, because for reasons we don't understand it was meant to be that he went to be with God at such a young age. KayC said it very well in her post. In time you will find your heart opening to let in another kitty as precious as this one and will surely bond with that one as well. It is obvious that you love animals, so you will definitely have room in your heart for another pet to love when you are ready. Blessings, ~ Mia ~

Kelly, I truly understand what you are going through and how very much it hurts to lose your precious pet! I too love the name you gave her. I had to have my beloved cat Spooky put to sleep a little over a month ago after spending 21 love-filled years together. He was the light of my life and losing him left me feeling exactly as you have described, leaving a big hole in my heart! Come back and post anytime you need. We will be here to support you as all of us have gone through the same. As Marty said, maybe you have some pictures you might want to post whenever you are ready. Your Karma went through a tough time in life and God knew that you were the perfect mom for her and that's why you couldn't stop thinking about her when you saw her on the news. She was meant to be with you! But as we all say here, the deeper you loved your beloved pet, the deeper the grief is, and this overwhelming grief is the price we pay for loving our pets so very much! I see red whenever I hear about animal abuse of any kind! Those who commit these acts are lower than low-lifes and deserve to face the same kind of torture they are doing to poor defenseless animals. That would be my wish for them, to experience the same pain they are afflicting on animals. My prayers are with you Kelly! ~ Mia ~

Marj, what beautiful kids! Saying Shamus is the busybutt tells us that you are already getting to know their personalities. I am glad for that because that will endear them to you that much more quickly. I hope their check-up goes well. Is Hamish getting used to them yet, or are you not able to let them be together yet because of the parasite? Your sweet active kitties, that is exactly what you need now to help ease your aching heart dear Marj. I still find myself crying alot at times over missing Spooky. It hits me out of nowhere sometimes. I do so look forward to getting more furbabies, but like you Marj, I will never ever stop missing Spooky. Someone gave me a book about a forever cat, and that is how I am now thinking of Spooky, as my forever cat. That's how close we were to each other, and those feelings don't vanish into thin air just because he is physically gone. Blessings, ~ Mia ~

Dear Carrie, I am in tears reading about dear sweet Beauregard, that he is no longer with you. When you talked about the day Beauregard went away to be with our Lord, I felt like I was right there with you feeling your pain! Your beloved pet is indeed with Ashley and Callie now, in God's care. My heart hurts that you all have to go through such grief, and especially Carrie under the circumstances of your own situation with your eyes. But please take comfort in the fact that he is no longer suffering! I pray that you can hang on until it is ok for you to cry, and when that time comes we will all be there for you! You were so descriptive in recounting this experience that you made it so real for us, like we were experiencing exactly what you were at that same moment. My prayers are with you, Jerry and Amberly that God will give you all the strength to bear this sorrow! And also for you Carrie to heal quickly! Marty, thank you for posting this beautiful poem! It is too bad the author is unknown and doesn't get credit for such heartfelt feelings. With Hugs, ~ Mia ~