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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Ricky

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    13
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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Partner
  • Date of Death
    25 July 2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Perth, Australia

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  1. I can very much relate to that Margaret. I, too, want to run away and keep running. I would love to disappear for a while and live somewhere far away from civilisation. I feel awful about writing this, but happy people make me feel awful at the moment. It's strange to see that for other ppl life goes on. I wish I could go somewhere far away and just be alone with my thoughts and feelings. I know running away and avoiding does not help or solve much but to be stuck in this awful new reality just seems to much to endure sometimes..
  2. I like the lifeboat analogy too. Kpl48, I can very much relate to what you say about the living room. Andre (my partner's name is Andre too!) and I used to watch TV together every evening after work. I have closed the livingroom door and never go in there anymore. I have stopped watching tv altogether when Andre passed away. I miss this so much, just sitting next to him and watch the news and then cheesy shows. I would give everything to just have a few minutes back sitting next to him on the sofa..
  3. Thank you all for taking time to read the posts and the replies. It helps a lot to hear from such nice people who understand!
  4. Margaret, I am very sorry for your loss and that you are suffering from panic attacks. I do not know much about panic attacks only that they are very terrifying to the person experiencing them. I wish I could give you some advice to help but you probably already tried different things when you experienced them for the first time 33 years ago. I hope you will find ways so they become fewer or less intense with time. Two weeks in is a very short time and I remember the complete confusion, shock, numbness and disbelieve I was in at the time. I am now 14 weeks in and I still have days where I think my beloved Andre will come back. Andre was only 31yo when he passed away due to a completely unexpected aneurysm in his brain. I imagened that we would spend our life together, have kids, grow old together and I wished, that I would be the first to go when the time came. I cant believe that Andre has left me and this has happened so soon and unexpected. The only comfort I have is that my Andre never had to experience grieve like I am grieving for him now and I do hope that I will see him one day again. Brad, I am so sorry you lost your beloved Deedo. It is so unfair that you just started easing into retirement and you had wonderful plans for trips and vacations. This should have been a great 'chapter' of your and Deedo's live and you were both robbed of spending this time together. I think it's lovely to spend time planning tributes for your beloved Deedo. I recently planted bushes for our 13th anniversary in a park where we used to walk our dog together. I go back every so often and sit on a bench and go through photos of us.. I think you are very right, we're in for a lot more of those crappy weekends...
  5. Dear all, I had a crappy weekend and just need to vent a little that's all... My psychologist suggested last week that I spend the weekend with friends as I was feeling completely lost and overwhelmed last Friday and I was dreading to spend another weekend alone (weekends seem to be the hardest). So I went and spent the weekend at the house of my brother-in-law and his partner. A bit of background - My partner and I relocated from Switzerland to Australia six years ago and we lived the first few months with my brother-in-law and his partner in the same house until we found an apartment to rent. So I spent the weekend in the same room that we used to sleep in a few years ago. All the memories came back to me. How we painted the walls together of 'our' room, how I felt at the very beginning in a new country, a different language and leaving all my family and friends behind. But everything was fine because I was together with my partner and I was looking forward to our new life together. As I was lying in bed I felt like I have come full circle. Back to the beginning. Back to the start. But this time alone. I now live in a house that my partner and I purchased and renovated every free moment of our time. I used to be so proud of our little home and the new lives we built bit by bit. Now it seems like everything is worthless. Nothing brings me pleasure as i don't have my partner to share it with. All the happiness is gone. I feel like an empty shell of my former self. I don't recognise myself anymore. The thought of building a whole new life again alone scares me.
  6. Dear Debi, I am so sorry, I can feel your pain when reading your post. It's so hard when you feel alone in your grief. The feeling of having to make all the decisions (no matter how big or small) by yourself and not having your partner to lean on or discuss how you feel is so painful. I wished that, while grieving, there were not so many other things to think of and handle. Isn't it already hard enough that we all lost a person we loved so much? This will sound childish but sometimes I wished there was a 'pause' button for live so that I could put off certain things (work, all the paperwork, financial issues etc) until all the confusion has passed and the head can think clear again. I send you hugs too
  7. My beloved partner had a brain aneurysm on Friday 24 July and the machines were turned off on 27 July. He was only 31 and his death was completely out of the blue and totally unexpected. It is over 8 weeks now and I still don't believe that he is not coming back. I miss him tremendously but I am still waiting for him to come home. Every day around 5.30pm, when he normally finished work, I look out the window down the street wondering when he will be home. My partner and I migrated from Switzerland to Australia a few years ago. Last year my partners grandmother got very sick and my partner went back to Switzerland to see her one more time (I stayed in Australia because I could not take time off work). The last few days I have been feeling exactly like I felt when he was in Switzerland last November. I feel like I am 'killing the time', waiting for his return and missing him very much. I am wondering if my brain is playing a trick on me.. I feel like I have been in complete denial, as if I will wake up one day and it was only a nightmare. I know grief is very individual but I wonder if others have felt the same way after 2 months? Shouldn't I understand by now what has happened? I saw him at the hospital and I attended the funeral yet I still don't believe it. I wonder how much time passed for others until 'realisation hit'? Thanks for reading.
  8. Just finished reading this topic and I am so glad I have found this page. I can relate to so many experiences and situations. I feel alone with my grief at times. Most of my friends (in early 30's) have not experienced a major loss in their live, they do not know what it is like to loose their partner, or how to comfort someone who is grieving. I have to admit, I wouldn't have had a clue myself until a few weeks ago. Scba, I hope you are feeling a bit better.
  9. The morning my Andre passed away, a bit over 6 weeks ago, I did not notice behaviour that was out of the ordinary, however I am not sure what happened within the 1.5 hours that he was alone at home before the aneurysm ruptured in his brain. I often wonder what he was thinking when he called the ambulance and if he knew what was going to happen and how bad the situation was.. This is not quite related to your question but my mum is certain that she could sense when her brother passed away.. Her brother was a carpenter and fell off a roof while he was at work. My mum told me that she felt this unexplainable pain in her chest the afternoon it happened (she was always healthy and never experienced this before). About two hours or so after the accident her family was informed that the son/brother had an accident and passed away. The co-workers later told the family the time he fell from the roof, which was exactly the same time my mother had chest pain..
  10. KayC, I am very sorry you lost your first grand-baby and getting the news on a day like Mothersday must have been incredibly painful! I agree that life's unfairness is too hard to take... I often question myself 'why?'... I can't find an explanation and it just makes no sense to me why some of us get to live a long life and others are taken so very early. Debi, seeing your son like this must be so very hard. Not only have you lost your partner, your best friend and soul-mate but also the dad of your son. I am sure a parent would do anything to take away the pain of it's child. I like your analogy (-> is this the correct English word?) with the shipwreck. I feel very similar at the moment. Up until now my live seemed to me 'stable or predictable', a bit like a train that knows in which direction it is going. Since Andre's passing I feel completely lost, with no help in sight. Wow - we do have much in common, Debi. I got goosebumps when I read that you left the UK to live in Belgium. Asking a friend to come and stay with me the odd night sounds like a good idea. My counsellor also suggested that I turn on the radio or tv and the lights a bit more often. I think I read that you are going back to work today. I hope it will go ok!
  11. Dear Debi, thank you so much for your post. I have been thinking about you a few times since my first post because your beloved husband suffered from an aneurysm too only about a week after my partner, passed away.. How are you doing and how is your son? Dear Suitearia, I am so sorry for your loss of Ric. I guess even if you know that your partner is very ill for many years there is nothing that can possibly prepare you for their passing and what follows after. This week has been very tough.. My sister has told me on Wed. that she is 15 weeks pregnant. Part of me is happy for them but at the same time it tears my up in pieces when I think that my partner and I will never be able to have kids and I will never see him becoming a parent.. My partner and I planned to have kids in the near future and receiving the news that my sister is pregnant made me realise that everyone else's' life is going on and my life has just stopped the day Andre left me. I always imagined Andre to be a great dad and it makes me incredibly sad that he is missing out on so many experiences. Since my sisters announcement about the pregnancy I feel completely numb again (like I felt the very first few days after my partner's passing) and I have not cried in a couple of days. I feel this immense sadness in me but can not find a way to express it at the moment. I also feel like I am going back to the initial 'foggy state' where I was absolutely confused and could not believe what has happened. The other thing that worries me is living on my own in the house. My partner and I migrated six years ago from Switzerland to Australia. I have left all my family behind to build a live here with my partner. At the moment my brother is living with me but he will return to Switzerland in mid September. I am worried that reality will finally hit me when it is just me and my dog in the house..
  12. Dear Marty, scba, Anne, debbi.williams and KayC, Thank you so much for the posts and links to reading material. When I wrote my post yesterday I just wanted to get the feelings out of my head and down on ‘paper’. I honestly never expected to receive such warm hearted, honest and helpful replies. I feel very alone in my grief at times and I am glad I have found this site. Thank you!
  13. Hi all, This is my very first post. I feel like the pain is unbearable at the moment. I was searching online for suggestions on dealing with grief and that is how I found this site.. My partner, Andre, passed away on 25 July 2015 at the age of 31. We have been together for 14 years. He had an aneurysm in his brain that ruptured. He was never sick or experienced headaches. It was completely out of the blue and totally unexpected. It's been a few weeks now and I can not imagine how I can live this life without him. In my head I know that Andre will not come back but deep down I am still hoping that he will walk back in through the door one day.. Every morning when I wake up I am confused and for a short moment think that it was just a nightmare until I see a photo of him, his ashes and flowers and then I feel like someone is stabbing me right in the heart. In addition to the grief and missing my partner terribly I also have a lot of guilt in me.. On the day it happened my partner drove my sister and I to a ferry port very early in the morning. My sister was visiting from abroad and we (sister & I) planned to spend two days on an island. We were running late and there was a lot of traffic on the road. I could sense that my partner was very stressed when he was driving and the atmosphere was tense. After dropping us off at the port my partner returned home and about 45 mins later he called the ambulance. They arrived very quickly but the doctors said there was nothing they could do. The doctor later told me later that high blood pressure and stress can contribute to rupturing the aneurysm and ever since I feel very guilty that I have contributed to my partner's passing. I am thinking that if we had left home earlier that day he would not have been stressed and it would not have happened that day.. I have had one session with a counsellor and she told me that it could have happened another day under worse circumstances (maybe driving a car and hurting others as well). I feel that logically it makes sense what she is saying but my heart can not forgive myself. I wonder if others have experienced feelings of guilt after their partner has passed and ways of dealing with the pain in general? Many thanks in advance
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