Gwenivere

Everyone’s state and county finds ways to complicate things. Not having Mel here has spared me that but mot being deeply separated. That issue Unless your dog is a hunter, the chance of getting it is so low. There are vermin outside but they become scarce when dogs are around. They don’t want to deal with them. I’m glad Marley is feeling better and do what you are doing. The vets have to comply with the state requires the vaccine. No way out there. Despite the overwhelming pain, it felt good getting a shower. I found out there is no side to go to sleep on or wake up on anymore. Philomena (bath aide and good friend) took a picture o me with my hair down and I saw caved in I've become. I’ve seen it in the mirror, but seeing a picture was .quite shocking. The surgeon gave me referral for a 2nd opinion if I want one. He was honest that it wouldn’t help me improve. The goal is to find does lie with the lowest amount of pain. Also to accept if. OT coming out today. I have to show I'm making progress or they will canceled by my insurance.. I don’t want to use their bath aide so I have to use another service they provide. I know L'll fail PT, so it’s the nurse and pharmacist. Have to use two. Another night, another morning.

What does this mean? Defensible space? What would they be touching? I've never been clear if you live in a house built on land or a mobile home. Mail brought news my endocrinologist is leaving. Have to find another. Hopefully in the same clinic. It's important, but not top billing. Insurance decline of a service e of almost $500 for a half hour phone appointment which is absurd. Bill from my useless shrink. A check to Steve from a class action suit. Call from exterminator setting up rat treatments and costs,. So lots of phone calls this afternoon. I’m getting limited on once was once a brief freedom in the long days. I can only go to sleep on that side. I've been experimenting for the to the least waking pain. Couldn't sleep on my left side from shoulder pain. Hoping I don’t lose my last position I can get some rest. I wrote. my pain doc about restarting the 4 week detox front oxy this weekend and that I wasted 2 patches. Want do i5 on the weekend as there. are no appointments. Hope all got some peace last night. Spelling errors from my keyboards changing words on it’s own. Opiates don’t.

I got a notice today my credit scorre declined. Makes no sense to me aa s I have-no debts, pay everything on time and only one credit card I use now. It’s like they want you in debt. Had a wonderful dream yesterday morning of being with my family. No weird stuff. I got to see my cousin who I loved like a brother before he died years ago. Greatest hug in a very long time. Brought me to tears waking to this reality. How it's so messed up by the opiods.w. And always will be. I just hope it can be the patch and not the roller coaster of pills all day. Just have one doctor to deal with and drop my PCP out of it. I don't know what to do about a shrink as the clinic one won’t talk to me unless it’s in person the first time. I’m developing a tolerance to the pills and logic says it will to the patches too. That scares me and how to get my panic disorder covered. Had a Zoom call with Nina. Always kinda tense for me. I think she's bored. I'd be bored talking to me if I had a jam packed ilife like she does.. She's totally bummed out she has to give up a pickle ball game one night. Poor kid. Hoping for a tolerable evening. I know that can turn on a dime. Only a couple so far. Another blow up when I tried to apologize for a bad habit I have. Nothing I do seems to be done acceptably. Decide if I should eve bother. Yet earlier she was appreciative of my re moving stress where I could. Yup. Just keeping quiet more. Time to prepare for a long week.

What? That makes no sense at all! How can they get away with that? Exactly my question.l, No one told me to drop one of the oxycodone doses except a nurse but that she was wrong. She was right-and the doctor said I was supposed to but not me. I took the patch off because it was getting double dosed in my making me over sedated. I’m not going to put another patch on til after I talk to the pharmacist this coming Friday and write this doctor why I wasn’t told this. I want to go back to pre patch dosing and see if it worked as it did. Also want to get my shower in Tuesday if possible. Definitely don’t want to be too shaky for that. Dee is angry I haven’t been up front about my anxiety meds but no one ever asked. My soon to be ex shrink has me one pill a day which is crazy as I’d be having attacks and possibly seizures by hi# rapid withdrawal. I’m still fuming that he is pushing this during the oxy mess. Th3 cost o& 6our meds is unbeatable. But mediocre is more about money than patient care now. Dee is angry with me which is becoming usual. I told her I missed her while she was out with a friend at the movies, but all she homed in on was I mentioned it was harder doing dinner by m6self. That led to other gripes. Time to prepare for bed. Reminder from my counselor that I have to find another. So sick of loss.

Friday was way too long a day with landscapers, nurse and exterminator. Finally got the las5 o& them gone after 6pm. Also trying to make sense of my IRS site. My pain doc was supposed to call me didn’t. Had to call the main office. as the nurse said to cut a dose o& oxycodone which was wrong. Turns out a good thing I did as her notes said not to yet. I don't know how you're supposed to manage your health when you get d different answers to the same inquiry. I took off the new patch and hoping my head will clear a bit. I need to a drug interaction site. All I know right now i s. this patch is supposed to block the absorption of the opioid. That means withdrawl. The patch yesterday was new, full strength. Being the weekend, all I'll be able to do is write her. Have counseling 5his afternoon. I’m hoping it helps a bit. Dee' s going for a. movie tonight. On my own for dinner. 💕 to all.

I don’t know of any doctor that come to except in the hospital or rehab. And those are facility doctors. Not private practice.. I don’t think the pain patch is doing anything perceptible. It’s the lowest dose and needs to go u, but my appointment with my doc at the clinic isn’t til May. I'.ll need a ref ill way before that. I had cut down on Tylenol but am going back up. Th e patches are supposed to go up in strength before going down on oxy. The goal is to higher level and going dow more comfortably. Accidentally took extra meds. Have to go to sleep on less.

But if we stay on daylight savings you would have that light longer. I don’t care way they go. Just pick one and leave it. I didn’t know we were part of tho hold up. Everyone I know wants it to end.

Thanks Kay. Yesteray was another frustrating day trying to updae m calendar with more docs from the pain clinic. My shower got puhed to Friday as soon as I get up. So more thoughts of waiting til next week. Weekend would be great, but she has her holy day and probably working. Dee said she'd do it, but she's so stressed out she's not pleasent to be around. My meeting with my pain doc was mind twisting. I hope there are notes to read or my PCP can explain the complicated back and forth fjying instructions. This is so difficult when your brain is-scrambled b6 the very thing you're trying to fix. Thee isn't much more to s ay. Ladscapers supposedly oming today. No loud noise b efore 1. 2 viirtul meetgs. Another no real lun+h day. Feeling like I'm making Dee mad. That old 'alonee in a crowd' feeling. Takin*g my quiet, lonely sel& to bed. Hope evertonne sleeps well.

Wow, Karen. You have a lot to battle. I’m glad you have your son to help. I’m really bad at doing exercises on my own. Haven’t really had any that worked. You sound more disciplined. I totally relate to these things not being the kind of fun we want. Don’t think those days will ever be back. I truly hope things improve for 6ou.

I imagine most countries do as it’s based on Grenich Mean Time in the UK. Washington is split. Most hate it. I’m in that group. Yes, we have more light and d and dark being so north, but this mucking even more. They say every year they’re going to stop but it gets forgotten to bring in the legislature.

Definitely quiet n incoming calls yesterday. Made lots of outbound as no one replied to messages. Landscapers didn’t show up. Tried to find out about a Friday Zoom appointment and no reply. Called my insurance to verify a 3 week program I'm on to verify. My OT exercises are making muscles worse. Bath aide may be tied up today. I want to skip it actually. Cuts close to a Zoom doc appointment. Add in the OT pain. Dee fund out about the Hep C treatment. Doesn’t want to be too sick to take care o& me even tho I won’t get bette. I worry about her health(. All very complicated. This week is suffocating. Too mu+h stuff for 4 days. Really hoping my aide cancels today. Just would make me feel better if I could say I had no choice. I’m so stressed out I'm messing up what I attempt to schedule. I spent all afternoon getting my calendar right. 💕 to all.

I can tell Sunday the time difference. Same amount of sleep, but my body knows it’s changed. Really didn’t want to get up. Going back to bed after mid morning bathroom need, I passed right back out and slept after the alarm went off. So depressing getting up. Watced a movie about drug addiction last night. Hit close to home minus the stealing to buy off the streets. Sent back a movie about alcoholism because of Dee's triggers. Watching a sci-fi movie to get away from any reality. Church dinner looks good with fried chicken and potatoes. Macaroni too. Not exactly real healthy, but good comfort food. Had a dream where I got so fed up I stood up and walked to the car to take a drive. No pain, no walker, just life as I knew it once. I instead watched my calendar for the week fillll up for more phone calls snd problems. Desperately trying to get one so my insurance covers others I’ve had. Landscaper coming now too. At least we watched a good movie last night.

That’s crazy they didn’t catch that right away on the strep. It’s very easy to diagnose in my experience with it. So sorry to hear step grand daughter is back with drug boyfriend. No guessing where that will lead. Hope I'm wrong.

My biological clock knows the time difference. Takes a couple weeks for that to adapt. Also the lighting change. Lived last night on DST hours. Have the pain patch on. Shoulder extra s ore rom exercises. House is better after housekeeper. Sleep time. 💕

My car isn’t driven all that much. Never the mileage the sticker says. Should get it done soon tho. Probably when they do the brakes. More expensive, but convenient. My pain doc has lost patience with me. I've been so scared of that pain patch. Either do it or take a harder taper without. Can’t blame her. But they don’t understand being the patient. Not all of us are sheep to white coats. Long day with blond draw, housekeeper and now facing putting on the pain patch and hoping there are no extra side effects. Dee is watching like a hawk. Doesn’t help my anxiety. I’m also trying to figure out when to set the clocks ahead tonight so we don’t lose an hours sleep which neither of us need. Got take out gourmet burgers. Was getting so tired of our usual stuff. Dee melted down for the rest of the night. Horrible.. Wasted night. Now it’s close to bed. Didn’t get to play my wind down games. *e5 is play with time tonight. Can’t afford to lose sleep. Barely getting by now. Overslept yesterday.

Dee's personality is just so bizarre from any person I've met in my whole life. No one I could even come close to comparing her to. Sometimes I wonder why I care so much. Can’t control the heart tho. I know a lot is fear of being alone. Not exactly a firm foundation. I’m very sore from the OT exercises. Skipped them yesterday. Will try today. Nurse is coming by right after I get up. Finally getting the blood draw. Going to get take out tonight. I’m limited as mine will have to be reheated. Had counseling. It’s as redundant as every day is. No way out of this mess. Which side to sleep on a. Big decision. Dee's van is move d here. Now it’s on to her med treatment and brakes of my car. Plus DST. 💕 to all.

Woke up yesterday to scheduled appointments. Had to change 2. Add on the rat service and it’s not cheap. They would need to come back a couple times to make sure it is gone (maybe others we don’t know about) before sealing up where they get in. There may be ways in the crawl space besides the one from the carport. The OT guy and nurse moved my appointments around. Had to make calls and fit them in. Getting treated like a game piece. I ordered 2 things from Amazon and was supposed to get free shipping. Called and found out now I have to call after they get here and get a credit. That’s crazy! I also asked too have a credit card they gave I never asked for. Have to call Chase Bank. Why am I having to do all this? I've managed to annoy Dee a lot. It doesn’t take much with the stress she’s under and I am too. This is a bad one about moving her van. She didn’t ask for help beyond a place to put it. She never asks for help. She arranged towing with a free service I said I'd pay otherwise. She asked why I didn’t volunteer right when she started with this free place. She said she doesn’t beg. How am I supposed to know what ato do? It kept going around in circles. I was a manipulator, liar and the kind of person she hates. She tells me this after talking to a friend who would have insisted they’d do it. There never is a right or wrong answer on things of this magnitude. When she calmed down she acknowledged we were still friends an I think she still loves me. I thought the city would pay, but it’s private property. I’m no expert. All I could say is you should have asked. I remember asking if I should check my AARP benefits and she said no. I had OT. Now have daily exercises I can do on my own til he comes back in 2 weeks. Sleep again, calls with banks, Amazon and counseling. Massive stress. As always,, the waking up part.

Oh, they heard from me! I guess the plan is working around this guy thru my main doc. I did want to talk to him about anxiety meds tho. That’s integral with everything and always has been. Exterminator wants to come out.. Hate wolf spiders. Big, ugly and fast. Rat we were hoping was gone is in the wall now. Home solutions are complicated and rarely work. Nurse and OT coming today. My and pain clinic docs to talk to next week. Plus OT and shower and the nurse again. I just want to scream. Housekeeper Friday. Feel like I’m suffocating from it all. The chocolate was about 10 years old. Lost all taste and pale. The big flat bars are not airtight. I don’t buy those. These were gifts. I buy kisses and M&M's for my candy jar or wrapped individual squares. Had my shower. Spent too much time sitting on hard seats with being in tub chair so my lower back is screaming. Walking was getting worse as it was. Days like yesterday are especially so. Don’t know how eating lunch will affect the appointments. I’m so tired of being off schedule. Bedtime. Weird dreams. Waking up, again.

Tried zap traps. Didn’t work. Rat was too smart. Think t got partially zapped so wouldn’t go back, no matte r what was in there. Threat o f starving seems to be working. No new poop today. Got a Target contest card, but you have to go in person. Found out my pain clinic shrink appointment was. canceled because I won’t go in. I don’t see how they will work with me without that, plus. I need that. Pisses me off they did did that without talking to me. Talked to program pharmacist yesterday. It’s up to me when to start the new pain patch. I’m scared of it. I don’t feel very supported. If I didn’t have people coming by for procedures, it would relieve some stress of not knowing what to expect. Dee ad I are like ships passing in the night. Both down and little to say. I know we annoy each other unintentionally. Have lots of movies now. Watching a Tommy Lee Jones one. It was great. Black Dahlia tonight. Wrote the surgeon as this hunchback (kyphosis), is rapidly progressing. Trying to find out if there are any do’s and don’t's. Very tense about today and.a shower. Everyday about any moving around. Used to be I'd forget about the pain until I had to actually get up and move. Not so anymore. Finished the burrito from Sunday night. Had to trow a chocolate bar. Too old. Always sad to waste chocolate.

Unfortunately the hole is where the washer/dryer hoses come in. All we can do is make it a little tougher. Decided no traps or poison. Last rat left because of hunger. We'll just keep an eye on the poop before doing that. There is no accessible food out. There’s some stuff in plastic bags on the kitchen table, but undisturbed and the garbage is covered. Electric traps didn’t work for me either. Had a good movie for last night from Dee's collection last night but was blu-ray.. Watched Hollywoodland about George Reeves suicide that was so complicated, long and I was falling asleep. Church dinner was huge burritos from chipotle. I could only eat half. Actually tasted good. Was stuffed all night. Pharmacist by phone today, shower Tuesday, OT Wednesday and housekeeper Friday. Think the nurse Thursday. Need to do some more research into my bent back. I’m hoping I didn’t contribute to it. I’m always pushing things. Still ave to fight the in person shrink for telemed. Bed time again. Talked with my Sunday pal and it was as always…felt she just wanted to get it over with. Bedtime routine. I STLL keep waking up.

Problem is I need pain meds. My doctor won’t keep prescribing oxycodone indefinitely and I want something better without the ups and downs. I’ve accepted I need meds forever with this mess I gambled and lost on. I’m not the only person living in constant pain. Going to be a busy day. We have to deal with a rat in the house, find movies to watch, and I have to get ready for a week that will make lunch something I have to make the night before as every day has appointments except Friday and I'm thinking that will change. To have daylight savings next weekend is going to be a royal pain. The week after that is the same thru Wednesday. Showers, sleep and eating are the toughest. Getting close o that sleep thing. Dee's gonna clean up the rat poop so we can keep track if it leaves as we. Know where its living so we can tape up the entry. We also need a new trap as the instructions were lacking. Church dinner. Hoping it’s not a bag of sandwiches. But grateful for anything. 💕

It does make it very difficult to accommodate all the 2 clinics want me to do. Ironically it increases the pain and breathing is worse. Sitting up for the day yesterday my head was spinning. Awful feeling. The rest of the day was mentally dark. The OT assessment was depressing. They want to work on upper body strength. I felt more limited than usual and am. Replied to a message with the clinic about no telemed with their psychiatrist still insisting in person regardless of how difficult it would be plus it’s not a hands on appointment. I have a phone call about meds Monday and got a message saying my being wait listed moved to a different time the same day. That’s just dumb. Dee and I just sat here most of the evening with nothing to say. Neither of us has anything to look forward to. We hate waking up. The OT guy asked the date yesterday and I didn’t know. Just March and kinda iffy about that. I’m running out of things to watch that I have interest in. I’ve never had so small a Netflix queue. Off to sleep. 😞

I’m not clear on this digital signature. I guess I did it last year, but I don’t remember. Seems the actual return would require it. I got a copy of what was submitted but too lay to drag it out. I’ll just mail my info and see what happens. Wasn’t a good day. Found out this in home care is very complicated. HAVE to see 2 of the specialists every week. There are 3. I thought it would be. More. Lax. Especially because none are useful for pain. The pain clinic is hard to get attention from. My meds are kicking my butt now. I I know it started when my eating lunch became screwy with lots of medical people coming by or calling. If I can find the energy, I should make a sandwich before bed and eat soon after I get up. Deal with the digestive distress as it happens. In rehab I ate before I got dressed. I also hadn’t been on the oxycodone as long. Nor had dropped the dosage. I don’t do well with constant changes. Unfortunately that takes itself out in your gut. So I made a tuna sandwich with some apple nd am leaving it on the kitchen table for when I get up. The assessment is an hour after I get to the living room. The goal is to not have the bulk of food so late at dinner. My meds 2 hours before dinner make me feel sick. I can’t even explain it. I’m just tired of feeling sick. Boring, I know. Jimmy and Dee are trying to help. My crossing my trembling finners. 💕 to all. Open to others hard days p. If none, I am so happy for you..

I read about your losing your cousin in another thread. I’m so sorry. I feel the same when I think about what it would take to move. It took so many years to collect so much stuff. This isn't like when we were starting out. In my 20's my 'estate' was rather meager. We married and started sinking roots 40 years ago. I didn’t face your weather problems, but I still wouldn’t want to pack anything if I could. There’s just too much. I love my home. It's full of memories that now hurt, but that's the mental rent now. Even the bad ones because they are of us too. Was a very long and depressing day. I did get my shower. I then tackled my taxes to send today. I made things so complicated with my messed up thinking. Made calls. About that too. Confused myself all around. Been waking up nauseous. Can’t get in a usual lunch. Won’t be able to until Saturday. Sleep is so dreadful. Supposed to see a nurse and Jinny today. Assessed by OT Friday. Start next with a pharmacist phone call from the pain clinic. I’m sure my nice looking, fairly clear calendal won’t stay that way. Have lots of rain and wind. Hope all rest well. 💕 No edit. Too down.

I’m so sorry about your cousin, Kay. It just keeps coming. Sending you many hugs and love.