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Marg M

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About Marg M

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    Advanced Member

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  • Interests
    Watching Marvel movies with my granddaughter, reading, existing

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
    October 17, 2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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  1. I'm sorry Gwen. I, really have no words because we all know words do not heal. I just figured the miles between here and Seattle and it is 2317.9. You need someone with you and no one will substitute for the one you need. Your in my heart, and whether you believe in it or not.....I do.....so you are in my prayers. 💖
  2. I saw a recipe for two gal. hot water, two tablespoons Dawn liquid, and one Tablespoon alcohol. Said the steps would not have to be de-iced again. Honestly, I would feel better with a bottle of alcohol. Have not had to try it. (on your steps).
  3. We had some very cold temperatures at night, down into the 20's a couple of times and at one time thought I might have to get my coat out of one of the boxes. Just lows in the 30's and 40's at night and up into low 70's in the daytime. Poor little flowering trees all get fooled by spring temperatures, then freeze up this time of year. Don't miss the snow at all. They have a recipe to de-ice steps using Dawn liquid, hot water, alcohol and said it would keep working. 2 gal. hot water, 2 T real Dawn, 1 T. alcohol. Have not tried it yet. Have not had to. But it is only middle of February. We get fooled with cold weather later on.
  4. Dee, my friend's first husband passed in the early 2000's. She did not cry for six months. Then she got terribly angry for him leaving her with his sick mother and hers. (He had cancer). Two years later she remarried. After about 15 years he has passed and her grief is so confused. She is grieving first husband on top of grief of this one. I won't try to sort it out.
  5. In north Louisiana the sun is shining. It is 68 degrees. Supposed to get down one day this week with high of 42 and low of 35. Possible rain three days, but highs of 75. This picture below is my grandparent's country store, probably in early 1950's. My southern cousin, two sons, both doctors that married Yankee's. She and her husband had a house built right off of Lake Michigan. Have lots of pictures taken from the windows of her house with temperature of -3 degrees. She has adapted so she can watch her grandchildren grow up. I'm proud of her. She loved the south. Her home, when she was teaching college English, was an old antebellum plantation home she had built to look like the real thing. It was beautiful. Know she added extra insulation to the Grand Haven, Michigan home. I know it is beautiful where you live Kevin, but this little fat woman would still not have enough body insulation for y'all's temperatures. When we lived 175 miles north of here we had snow at least once a year. Lots of snow ice cream put in the freezer. Billy's favorite. I look at the pictures of my cousins mounds of white snow covering everything with so much ice cream snow, but that notion has flown away with Billy. I'm glad you are enjoying your move and being Canadian, you know how to keep warm. I saw where a U of Iowa student froze to death and my first thought was, must have been from Louisiana. We seldom have snow, and that is actually the only picture with snow I could find from Louisiana. Long, long time ago. Bless you all this Sunday and I hope Gin gets to come out of the house if the weather lets up. My cousin's son is a doctor in Chicago and it sounds rough. Maybe some of you will get to notice the daffodils, tulip trees, fluorescent green new leaves, I pray so.
  6. I just watched Scott go back into the apartment building as I was leaving and it was like seeing Billy as I had seen him a million times. I did not cry. Again, it was a mirage.
  7. Kevin, you did not need me to motivate you, you are always all of our, the whole group's motivator. You keep moving on and you do it in a positive way. Way to go boy!!!!
  8. Girls, sometimes it all feels unreal, almost like he never was here at all, that I made it all up in my mind. Right now I just want to get family straight. I cannot say I am well, cannot say I am sick. Still drive and still carry too much weight......body and mind. I love you all though. Sometimes I just think I learned my lesson and quit playing God, as I really have no control of anything.
  9. I carry on life, I live and hope if I die in my sleep my granddaughter will not be the one to find me. I start at the recreation center here in town, a new complex, huge baseball fields, very big building. I have gained my 30 pounds on the necessary low residue diet and my short legs do not want to stand after sitting down. I can only use a sitting down bike, the seat with the back to it. My family seems well. Son still in deep depression, granddaughter finally agreeing to antidepressants. Not at my urging. Learned a long time ago, some choices have to be hers and hear in her voice that her mom and even me have given too much advice. Was reminded she is adopted and does not have the bipolar gene passed down by my family. And she does not. Still, getting her out in public is something that has been hard to do when you cannot push. Her counselor says no pushing. My sister is still in a quandary. Years of degrees do not make a life for you if you do not apply it to living longer than your education. Daughter is advancing beautifully, without a partner, (other than my retirement). My friend's husband passed right after Christmas. I have many invitations to be with friends. I find myself busier than I was when my kids were in school. I find myself with one thought, getting a memory marker for the cemetery to put on our plots. Other family members say "what about us" and I have finally figured out my only purpose (other than making sure my sister has a ride to go where she has to go and my granddaughter also), my only real purpose left is to "go quietly into that good night" and I sure hope I can go quietly because modern medicine has nothing to offer me. My attitude at the one time is cynical and at the other time is fatalistic. I understand both. I hate winter. I long for the time Marty's dad described about southern women, we do not perspire, we glisten. I read the forum still, but find I have nothing more to add. It is what it is. My heart is still with you though my problems are the ones I live with. I still have empathy, and know its meaning.
  10. Investigate this Gwen. I know you do not want to leave home. My sister had someone come in to help with my mom and maybe Medicare pays for it. Am not sure you are old enough for Medicare. You must have excellent insurance though and your ER social worker should be able to help with this. After so many years of volunteering, I know you hate to give that up. But, most nursing homes have rehab attached to them so you might know someone that can put you in touch with help. Keeping a clear head when you are ill and when you still have widow's brain are two things that seem impossible. 💗💟💗
  11. Thinking of you Katie-girl. We love you.
  12. Gwen, I am sorry you are having worse health concerns. I moved into an apartment because I figured it was my entrance into assisted living. I know this is not what you want and you have your fur babies also. I wish we were all closer too, we could at least check in on each other all the time. When I was swinging between coma and being aware of things, I got so much comfort from just seeing the silver cross on the wall. Then the nun would hold my hand and pray for me. My death never entered my mind (I didn't have much mind), and my fever kept going so high the new thing was to uncover the patient and let them have the fever chills. I remember pulling my gown up to keep warm and flashed anyone in the room. I didn't care. They still didn't cover me. We've seen too much sickness. I am so sorry. I have not answered because I don't know what to say. We just need comfort sometimes and I hope you find it.
  13. I need to encourage you about the quitting. I will always believe the oral tobacco poisoned Billy, did cause his cancer, and he tried to quit. He was down to two cans a week. The damage had been done. My sister went to physical therapy (respiratory therapy) and felt better than she has in years. She quit for 15 days and was the most miserable person that I could not be around. My son, years ago, when he drank Tequila, he became a mean, terribly mean person. His liver is forever damaged from the drugs and alcohol. He is still living. His dad isn't. Scott quit them all. His dad could not quit the oral tobacco. His brother came out of ICU and never picked up another cigarette after over 50 years of smoking. My granddaughter (oldest one), takes Adderall for ADD. She is in her 30's. It is a form of amphetamine. I cannot tell her to get off, it is prescribed by a doctor, yet I know getting off amphetamines cold turkey is very dangerous. I tore up my house, hit Billy in the head, made him bleed, cut my wrist, hit a bleeder, and wound up on the psych floor with my dad coming in wanting to know what I had done with the life he and my mom had given me. Damn if I knew. I know the stuff scares the bewillies out of me. I did it so I could stay up nights, work, and be there for my kids in the daytime. Seven years I have no recollection of to remember. Doctor's prescription. They say religion is a personal choice. It was a way of life for me. There was no choice. Still isn't. After 15 days my sister said there was no way she would ever try to quit again. She has quit alcohol twice. Tobacco industries put things in tobacco that you cannot quit. Some people do.. Some people cannot. It is like the Xanax. You can quit it. I can quit it. You do have to coast off it. You will not have side effects of the cigarettes or the amphetamines. I cannot take aspirin to prevent strokes. If Xanax calms me down enough and the blood pressure med helps, I have to take it. In the end, we do what we have to do. We pick our poison, or we leave it alone. My sister says she will never quit again, even if I have to buy them and the hardest thing for her to do is ask me to do this. The addiction is stronger than pride. I don't know Gwen. My mom called them her "friends." She lived to be 95, but did not know she was alive. Life was a magazine.
  14. Gwen, I'm at the age my friends are either sick or dying. I'm sorry if I took it wrong. I just know there are other women out there, and men, that have no one. They live in shelters because they have no relatives or close friends. You have more things going on than one person should have to handle by only one person. You need help. You need to not have to worry about your fur babies if you are in the hospital. I know it would be hard to trust a stranger. My sister needs someone to help her also and we are at a stalemate as to what will happen. The house needs worked on terribly. Some times we cannot handle everything. I spent all yesterday angry at Billy because I know he would have found someone else. I know he would. Hence my anger.
  15. Do not think you are the only one alone. I know I can sit back and say that, and I have family with me, around me, and friends that will help with just a call. My friend is handling her second loss so much different. Right now, I do not want to interfere with her grief. We have messaged. Her children are smothering her just like we all smothered my grandmother. My friend went six months without crying after first loss and anger was her emotion. This time, the second time, she is crying a lot. Her children are there for her constantly. Right now she is going through what I felt like when I said I wanted to go to the middle of Texas, park my car behind a seedy motel, bedbugs and all, and just be alone. I knew a "silver alert" would be all over the USA. After three years, I am comfortable having them close. My friend, after less than two weeks, wants to be alone. She cannot. He had grown kids, she has grown kids and grandkids, and no one wants to leave her alone. I wish there could be a happy medium. My sister will not consider a live in companion. She had men friends and girlfriends, the "best of both worlds" but did not want to be bothered with anyone full time. We are all different. Gwen, there is some woman out there that would love to have the companionship of a friend. Women who do not have anything period. You might look upon that like my mom looked on volunteering. She was lonely. I mentioned volunteering, but my mom was aghast at the fact I meant working without getting paid. We all see things differently. You might not trust someone you don't know, that is certainly logical, but there are women who need friends and companions to help make it through everyday life. You have a lot to offer someone who has nothing at all. But, like my sister, perhaps it is easier to be alone. I understand that.