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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

whitony

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  1. What a difficult situation. I like the idea of writing her a letter. As a survivor of abuse (though not at the hands/voice of a parent), I know there came a time when I decided (and it was a conscious decision--almost 15 years after it happened) that I was not going to let the incidents ruin or control my life. I have read some things more recently that talk about people surviving difficult situations, and how it makes them stronger. Many of us who overcome the pain and struggle of such abuse, to become survivors, realize that as difficult as the incident(s) were, they are part of us and make us who we are today. You will know when you are ready to let go of your anger or anguish. When that time comes, you may be able to think more about the improvements in your relationship, and less about the apologies. There is always so much unfinished business when it comes to death. I know I would love to have just one more conversation with my mom, but I'm thankful that I was able to talk to her the day before she died, even if neither of us knew it was the last time we would ever speak. I would suggest that perhaps using the board to write about what you are thinking and feeling so we can discuss it with you might help as well. That's why we're here. Whitony
  2. I think "normal" has to become something new. My mom's death was four weeks ago tomorrow (August 25). Right now, I'm still in the fog, but I've been back at work for two weeks, so that is serving as a distraction. I really appreciate this discussion board because I have been feeling so much like no one else could possibly know what I am going through, and I think it's easy to start to feel sorry for myself. I had several days before I returned to work where I didn't get out of bed, or if I did get up, I spent most of the afternoons sleeping. I'm guessing that there will be a lot of that on again/off again over the next year or two. I'm in a little different situation than you. I'm the oldest of three kids, and my sister and brother live very near my father. I'm 2 - 2.5 hours away. I'm glad you are here. I'm afraid I can't concentrate on many long thoughts this time of night--but keep writing, and we'll get through this together.
  3. I let my husband read a book about grieving. Since he read it, he talks about my Mom more and seems to be more aware of what I'm going through. Hi Trudy, What book did you have your husband read? I would like to share. My husband is very supportive, but he also has a difficult time relating to my situation since he has not been through this. He is helpful in ways he knows how, but I don't know how to ask him to help me. He has told me it's okay to let it all out, and asks when I think I'll be past this, but it's only been three weeks and I don't think it's even started, whatever "it" is. Anyway, I think it would help him to have a good book to read. Great idea--
  4. Hello, I have just joined the group, having lost my mom very suddenly and unexpectely three weeks ago. She died on my parents' 39th wedding anniversary. I'll warn you now--I can already tell I'm going to ramble a bit, but it feels good to have a place to write. My mom was only 59 years old. She was busy preparing to return to her high school English classroom where she was getting ready to enter her 21st year of teaching. She started late in her career, having waiting until all three of us kids were in school before she went back. I've read a lot about the waves of grief, and I feel like they have swarmed me this weekend. My sister had a really rough day on Friday, and I spent Friday night/Saturday with my dad. He's also having a tough time. As for me, my life is so busy with work, college, two kids, a husband, and now watching out for everyone else's grief, I am worried that I really haven't dealt with anything yet, and I'm scared what will happen when the tidal wave hits me. Anyway, I appreciate all the emotions, support and advice that are posted, and I welcome any suggestions from the rest of you. I also signed my siblings and my dad up, so if you are out there reading this, know that I'm thinking about you, and try not to worry about me
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