Kayleeann514202

There really is no way to have mutual resolution without communication, I guess. And I will.

I do see a therapist; in fact, I'm seeing her Thursday. I'll bring this up to her, maybe I can eventually work this out with myself and my dad.

I have a weird habit of posting around this topic a lot, sorry. Anyhow, I keep having really bad anxiety whenever I think about my dad and getting truly close. There's something scary about it, like I'll be losing it all if something goes awry. I'll be sitting in class or eating lunch with friends, and the anxiety of even looking at my dad and feeling all the issues from the past makes me feel like throwing up. Ugh, I wish my life could go back to normal....

I'd made a post about my issues with my dad earlier, but I can't seem to get out of a trap I seem to be in. First of all I've been throwing my emotions down to the bottom of the heap ever since I had them with my dad. Well it was literally one in the morning and I had a flashback of some sort. I was so mad. It felt like my dad wasn't there when I needed him, and I couldn't let myself need him because it'd bring so much emotion. Then , I felt really sad because my one friend who left me was the one I really needed right now. It literally felt like I had gone back to the past and felt all my emotions over again. I felt like I was emotionally dying. What is wrong with me?

I'm so sorry. It's almost (in no way am I comparing anticipating to sudden, they are both very painful) more of a shock than an anticipated death (where your brother may have had an illness that was severe) because you had no idea that anything was wrong. It's a ton of bricks dropped on you at once, without even managing time to create an even slight barrier. As for the shock, I've had sudden things happen without warning (for me it was sudden abandonment) and I can't even feel anything because I fell into such a big shock. Since you state you've had trouble expressing yourself anyway, then that might play a part in your inability to cry. I hope you can figure out a way to bring this up to your parents, as well. You truly need the support, and we all hope and pray you get it.

First of all, I'm so very sorry for your painful loss. I know that's so cliche haha, but I just want you to know that I feel for you. As for the coping, I'm not a counselor so I can't say, however what I can tell you is-I do it all the time. I want to cry because everything builds up inside, but some part of myself isn't letting me. I have to think of sad triggers for the situation to make me cry so I can feel just a little bit better. With your family, it's perfectly normal to not want to be around those particular people. When you're grieving a loss, the last thing you want or need is feeling judged/unacceptable. It just makes you even more overwhelmed than you might possibly be already. Hopefully I helped a little.. I try

Thank you, somebody actually understands haha I was also two years old when he was born, so when I still desired attention he'd get more because he was just a baby I guess I felt emotionally deserted

Thanks I'll look over them

My problem is that I told my parents and their only response is: "You can't feel abandoned if you've never actually been abandoned. You can't think we've abandoned you when we haven't!" I get that they just want me to see reality in a way but that kind of response doesn't really help much. More so, it feels like they're invalidating my emotions. I don't know what to do about this, because they don't understand. The worst part is my dad was abandoned at a young age, yet he still doesn't understand...

Hi, my name is Kaylee and I'm a new member here. Bear with me, as I've neve navigated a forum before! If I put this in the wrong area, please let me know. Anyhow, back to the topic of the thread. I've felt abandoned by many, even my family at times. I was bullied since the age of five, which made me feel unworthy of many things. My dad would leave me at home, and although it was only for a few minutes, I am a rather sensitive girl especially when I was only four being left alone. I also have a younger autistic brother, and I felt emotionally abandoned, feeling they cared more about his issues than me. As I grew older, many problems would begin to manifest in relationships. I had one friend, and whenever she'd hang out with someone else I'd become very clingy, which ironically drove her away over the years. I went into middle school, and I had a friend who was very nice to me and seemed to understand my problems. However, I had much social drama going on [bullying/teasing] and eventually she wanted no part of it. Sick and tired of feeling left, I screamed at her to leave me alone. This also happened with a boy I was friends with, but it's slightly different. He and I were friends, which I was completely comfortable in that situation. However, he liked me (which I knew) and he'd put his arm around me, you know, physical contact. It drove me crazy and I screamed at him the same way as the previous girl. I had a really good friend, who I depended on for emotional support. When she cut off all contact and abandoned our relationship, I was devastated I don't know why I drive everyone out of my life. I have three friends now and the thought of being alone in a whirlwind of drama makes me feel sick. Has anyone ever been through issues like this?