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About virgo_gal

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  1. Hi Matt Sliva, I am sorry that you lost your brother too at a very young age. Yes, it's our first year without him. It has been around 4.5 months since he passed away..sadly, I am still consumed by anger and guilt. I keep thinking about him all the time. He is always on my mind.. I still have a long way to go. I try not to remember that day but it's really hard. His memories are what keep me going.
  2. It was his birthday yesterday. He would have turned 28. Few of our relatives came over to our place. It was a nice distraction.. my brother loved birthdays. He used to be so happy and excited whenever his used to be approaching. He used to actually remind everyone literally everyday. And he was so pure hearted, no matter how a person is, whether he was friendly with him/her or not, he wished everyone lovingly..he made sure that nobody was left out.. I miss you baby and love you.. happy birthday once again..
  3. I get angry at every random thing too. Even when I do not want to. I always end up crying after that because I feel just so helpless and stuck. I really do not know who I should confide in. I don't want to keep cribbing the whole time either.
  4. Yes, thats what my mom says. I keep missing him and wondering about him. By dreams,I meant the general ones, where I am doing something and he is right there with me. Its as if he is still alive and we are going on as we did. I am not sure if these are the 'visitations'.. I have applied for a leave on his day, I just want to be there with my parents. They need all the support. And yes, mom's angel I do question god. Infact all the time. God did not give us a chance to save him. He went before even he got the chance to realise what was happening to him. It is awful without him at home :-(
  5. I want to believe it is a sign, I pray to god to give him love and strength.. I feel a little weird discussing about these dreams with anyone.. he stays in my mind all day long.. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I cannot imagine how you are coping. I hope there are people - family & friends around you to support you..take care.
  6. It's my brother's birthday this week and I am feeling just so sad as the day is nearing. Otherwise I am feeling a little better, yes. Things are pretty hectic at work, so I am not thinking about him that much but he is always there in the back of my mind.. And I am dreaming of him also, is this some sort of a sign? I have always been curious about life after death..but never felt the need to research the topic much. Anyway, this will be his first birthday after his passing away.. It has only been 4 months but it feels longer. I wish my baby is safe and happy :-(
  7. Hollowheart, I have been crying since last weekend.. I am usually thinking about something and just randomly thoughts of my brother pop up in my head and I end up in tears.. or maybe because his birthday is coming up early next month. I have already applied for leave on that day. I want to spend the day with my family. I am saddened by the fact that he wont be celebrating his 28th birthday. He still got excited about birthdays. He was totally happy with his life. No matter whatever ups and downs he faced, he believed god is there to help him, such a pious soul..
  8. Hi smilingless, I am so sorry for your losses. I lost my only brother at the end of September, 2015. I got a phone call too when I was on my way back from work. Those words still haunt me. I was already too late to reach the hospital.. My heart breaks for you that you faced two losses one after the other. As kayc and cathyc said, please keep in touch.
  9. That is exactly the story of my life. I feel miserable everyday. It is a combination of alot of stuff but yes, mainly grief. I have to daily come with excuses why I am so sad right in the morning. I just feel like coming back home. I jus get plain angry that I have to answer people around me like you and they think I am being negative.
  10. Even if there are people around, they listen to all this for a while and expect us to be normal afterwards. I mean, really? Will there ever be anything 'normal' for us? I myself feel I am bottling up everything inside me, which I know is not the correct approach. I feel so exhausted, I do not even feel like writing much about it. But honestly, this place is the only outlet I have. Friends are there but not someone who knows me inside out or someone I can easily express myself too. It is hard to put into words what I really feel. What do I even tell anybody?
  11. I go through the same feelings whenever I see or read about someone dying. Earlier, it was something which was only a part of the story, now we can actually relate to it. Many times, I have heard people kid around with this word, randomly throw it on each other. I feel awful. I just feel like shouting and telling them that they know nothing about death. They do not have any idea about the grief, depression, guilt, anger or misery that comes with it. They are absolutely clueless. I am having difficulty dealing with my sadness as well. There are times, when people actually catch me staring in space with a blank expression. Someone or the other always comes up to me to ask if I am alright. I give the same reply, I have been giving from the last 3 months - "I am fine."
  12. I have kept all his messages and other content in his phone. I took out his phone on 1st Jan this year. There were just general messages, no personal message. I felt so bad that there was nothing for him. Therefore, I sent him a text wishing him a happy new year. Now, if there is anything I'd like to say to him, I have decided I'll send him a text. I wish there was a way where I could reach out to him and tell him how much I love him. It is hell living without him.
  13. Hi..I am having a hard time coping too. I came back home from work after the holidays and tried watching a movie. Saw it till my eyes could not take it anymore and fell asleep. I do not want my mind to be idle. I have to constantly keep it distracted. That is how I am surviving. And I have my brother's phone as well. I keep it in my drawer, usually on silent mode. Maybe I had removed it from silent, so all of sudden it started ringing yesterday.My brother had this same ringtone from the past couple of years. My dad literally jumped from the dinner table and ran to pick it up. He actually broke down after hearing it. It was a sad moment for all of us.
  14. Yes mom's angel is right. I spent less time with my brother in his last year. I feel so guilty about it. I got his pictures framed right after he went away. I love looking at his smiling face when I am missing him. I don't know if this is the answer you are looking for but you should remember him as much as you can. Let your children know about your childhood days. Help the needy if you can. Make donations on his birthdays or anniversaries. The blessings will reach him. I mean this is what we are planning. It has been only 3 months since I lost my brother and there is no way on earth I will accept his loss.
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