I have read several stories of people in similar situations as myself. I felt the need to post mine as it may be cathartic for me. I have been married for 16 years and separated in October. Just prior to the separation I reconnected with someone I knew in middle and high school. I did not know him very well but had some classes with him. We started communicating as friends right before I separated as he said he had been separated for almost a year. My separation had nothing to do with my reconnection to him as my marriage has been in trouble for many years. We have been living separate lives and have not been emotionally connected even though we have tried ongoing therapy. Just following my separation I began having feelings for Robert, the person I had recently reconnected with. He shared that he also had feelings for me and we begin to talk about things we wanted to do together in the future. When I got back in touch with him the few weeks prior (at a high school reunion) he shared that his father was very sick and hospice had been called in. The family had not been given a time limit as to how long his father had but he had issues with his kidneys and liver. During the few weeks I was separated Robert and I spent a lot of time talking on the phone, in person, and texting. Things moved quickly between us and we had a connection that I had never felt before. He expressed similar thoughts many times and talked about us having a future together. During our many conversations there were a few red flags for me and I began to have feelings that he was not being 100% truthful about some things in his life (such as if he was as separated as he portrayed himself). I confronted him about a few things and he admitted that he didn't tell me the whole truth about where he was living as well as a few other things. He still maintained that he was very much separated because I told him that I did not want to get involved if he was not separated. I knew that he stayed at home from time to time because of his children's activities and that was not odd to me as my husband did the same during this time and we were in separate rooms. I believed that he was telling me the truth about his separation because he was able to spend so much time texting, talking, and we stayed together 2 times overnight. Looking back I know that I disregarded the red flags because I wanted to believe him and when I was around him it was unbelievable. I also think I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I knew him from my childhood even though we weren't close friends. He told me that he wanted to be in a relationship with me and wanted it to be exclusive. He also told me many times that we were not a secret to anyone and he was free to enter into a relationship given his status. He planned to file for divorce in January and we talked about moving forward together. I had been so emotionally starved in my marriage for many years so I jumped in even though I know it was not the smart thing to do. Throughout the few weeks that we were spending time together he would shut down periodically and tell me that he just needed to "go into his box". That meant that he just needed to be alone and not communicate. Even though this is not how I deal with things I knew he had a lot going on at home as well as with his father so I tried to accommodate. We were only really together for 3 weeks when his dad began to deteriorate quickly. He was not able to continue dialysis and when that happened hospice did not give him very long. Robert called me one night after meeting with his family and told me that he didn't want to burden me with everything he had going on. I assured him he was not burdening me but the conversation was odd and awkward. The next day I texted him telling him I didn't know what to do and he told me to let him be, meaning to leave him alone. I asked if he was done with me and he said he was done with everyone and everything at that time. This was November 13th (we reconnected October 3rd but didn't begin talking about a relationship until October 22nd or so). I was hurt and confused because he was totally shutting me out whereas we had talked every day prior to that since October 3rd. I gave him space even though I was upset and I found out on the 16th from a mutual friend (a guy that he grew up with that was close to Robert's family) that his father passed away that morning. I sent him a text with my condolences as well as left him a voicemail. He told me thank you and then said that he was asking for everyone to give him space. I asked him if that meant not to contact him or that I could check on him later in the week. He said that I could check on him but he couldn't promise he would reply. I ended up not checking on him because I just didn't know what to do and was still hurt and confused. On the 18th my husband came to me and asked to seriously work on our marriage one more time. I felt like I needed to because we have 2 children even though my heart was being pulled toward Robert. I think deep down I knew that he was pushing me away and would not be coming back. I didn't hear from Robert after November 16th until Thanksgiving day when he texted telling me happy thanksgiving and to have a nice day. I responded that I was hurt he had shut me out and I was trying to figure out how to just be friends with him since I realize now that he is ending what we had. He responded that he wanted to see me in person and we scheduled to meet November 29th. We met and he told me that he is not able to be with anyone right now and doesn't know if he will ever be able to be in a relationship again. He said that he just isn't able to deal with his feelings for me and can't be in a relationship. I knew this was coming but still wasn't prepared because our connection had been so amazing I couldn't imagine just giving it up. We spent a couple of hours just talking and parted ways. We texted back and forth about it hurting over the next day. I asked him if he wanted me to contact him again and he said it didn't matter to him either way if I contacted him again in the future. So I decided I was not going to contact him again. I again asked him if he was really separated and he said that he is although I'm not sure if I believe him since I have caught him being untruthful about other things and I think our intuitions say a lot. Regardless, I know I can't be friends with him if I am going to try and give my marriage one more chance. All of it hurts. I do think what we had was real but then part of me doesn't know if he was just trying to "play" me. I miss so many things about him. The last time I talked to him was Monday November 30th then I received 2 calls from him on Friday December 4th but they were pocket dials. We texted back and forth once or twice after that but I am still so hurt and upset that his first inclination is to shut me out and end things with me that I didn't respond very well - I wasn't mean but I just said something like it has been hard to have things end up this way. Part of me thinks that he ended things because he really isn't separated and knew that he couldn't continue to see and talk to me as much because he couldn't use going to his father's as a cover. I don't know, it's just what I've thought. Either way, it hurts and it sucks. I just needed to get it all out - sorry this was so long.
