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Hi Shell! Thank you. You're up late. Have you found yourself staying up late at night alot? I do. Sometimes, I even stay up all night. I don't want to go to sleep. I still have my Mom's ashes with me. I can't bring myself to take them to the cemetery. I feel like once I do, it's final. Sounds silly, I know, but for some reason, having her ashes in the house makes me feel better. They're in the livingroom on a bookshelf, with one of her nameplates that she used when she was working. It's true what they say, you know. Each day gets easier. I still think of Mom every single day, but I don't cry every day anymore. It still makes me sad alot, but not so bad lately. It will get better, I promise, but you already know that! My son got married June 2, 2007, and I bought a necklace with a heart pendant, and put some of her ashes in it, and took it with me to California, so she could be there at the ceremony. No one else (but my husband and daughter) knew what I did. She would have had a ball at the reception! Is there anything I can help you with. I sometimes come across Mom's death certificate, and there, in black and white, is my name and signature, on my Mother's death certificate...permanently. It feels weird. I had to sign my sister's death certificate in 2001, and that felt strange to see my name there, forever, informing anyone who looked at it, that my Mom and Sister had died. It's just strange to me. What are you doing with yourself? Are you keeping yourself busy? And have you taken the time to grieve? We have to do that. I promise not to be gone so long again. It's nice to be back, and see some familiar names. It's so sad to see all the new names. Take care, and I really mean it. If I can help, let me know. I've been there, done that! Love, Kim

Dear Shell: I just found out about your Mom, and I am so sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, like you were there for me, when my Mom died. I haven't logged on in so long, I even forgot my user name. But please know that I am thinking of you and if there's anything I can do, I will. Again, I know how it hurts, but it will get better. I am so sorry... Take care, Kim

Hi Haley: It's a very hard decision that you have to make. Luckily, in my case, my siblings live out of state, and have not even asked me if I took Mom's ashes to the cemetery (except one time, a while back, from my sister!) I know exactly how you are feeling. I feel like if I take Mom's ashes to the VA Cemetery, to be buried with her husband's ashes, that it's all there is. She's completely gone. At least now, with her ashes in my livingroom, I can see them, or talk to her, and I know it's her ashes...the last thing left of my Mom. If I bury the ashes, there's nothing left. I know it sounds kind of foolish, but right now, that's how I feel. I imagine someday I will change my feelings, but right now, that's what feels right to me. I did buy a heart locket, online. It's really pretty. My husband is going to transfer some ashes to it. I had it engraved with "My Mommy Forever" I figured that for special occasions (like my son's upcoming wedding), I will wear the locket, and Mom will be there! Does that make sense? (I actually think she'd be there anyway, locket or not!!!) Anyway, I hope you can come to a decision that makes all of you feel right. Let them know how you feel, and see what they say. Maybe ask them if anyone cares if you keep the ashes for a little while longer. If all else fails, order one of those lockets or urns, and you can carry you Mom with you whenever you wear the necklace. Take care, and keep in touch Love, Kim

Hi Shell: I haven't been around for a while...but was reading some posts tonight, and read your post about your Mom. Is she doing worse since I last "talked" to you? I feel so bad for you, and wish we could all just get together and make each other feel better!!!! Are you still trying to take care of her by yourself? Let me know how you are doing. I'm doing "eh, ok". I still find it hard to do much of anything, since my life was always devoted to taking care of Mom. And, I still have her ashes with me. But, last night, I ordered a heart locket that I can keep some of her ashes in, and am having it engraved, "My Mommy Forever" My own sister thinks I am nuts, so I guess I won't tell her what I am doing lately. It gets old to have people tell you that what you're doing to get through life, is "wrong". Keep in touch if you can. I know you must be busy with your Mom, but when you can, keep in touch. Take care. Love to all, Kim

Oh Lindsey...I feel for you. My mom died June 14, 2006, almost 8 months ago. If you go back and read my first posts, you'll see that I went through exactly what you are going through. All this means is that you are normal. You are so lucky to have gotten a dream from your Mom so soon. Think of it as a gift from her to you, even tho she wasn't able to "really" call you, she was letting you know that she's with you. You can come to this website anytime, and write whatever you feel, and no one will judge you, and we will all try to help you through the grief. We're like one big family...that is there for you. You're so right...it is NOT fair that our Mom's are taken from us so soon. This is what my 23 year old daughter asked me the other day..."Mom...you're going to live forever, aren't you?" Children think parents are always going to be there. I'm guilty of thinking that too, about my Mom. So, come back and write. It will help you. It may give you one day, or one hour of peace, which is a godsend at this time in your life. Take care, Love to all Kim

Hi Haley, I haven't been posting lately, but tonight, I was going through the posts, and saw yours about what to do with cremated remains. My Mom died June 14, 2006. She was cremated, and before she died, she asked me to take her ashes to the local Veteran's Cemetery, and have her buried with her husband, who died in 1998. So technically, I know what I have to eventually do with my Mom's ashes. I plan to take her ashes to the cemetery...someday...just not now...not yet. My sister in California, asked me if I had taken Mom's ashes yet, and I told her no. She told me to keep them as long as I needed to, but let me know that I had to take her eventually. I called the cemetery, and asked them if there was a time limit on how soon after a death the ashes had to be buried, and the man, who was very understanding, told me I could bring them anytime I wanted to. I suggested to my sister that she come over to Arizona, and we BOTH take Mom's ashes to the cemetery. I haven't gotten a response to that option, and it has been months since I asked her. My basic plan is to take Mom's ashes to the cemetery when the time is right for me, and no one else. I know my Mom would understand. I don't know how long that will be, but when the time is right, I will know, and I will do the right thing. After reading some of the posts, I think I will google bereavement jewelry, and see what is offered. I would really like to keep some ashes with me, and since Mom loved jewelry, what a perfect tribute! I have asked the other 3 siblings if they wanted any ashes before they are buried, and they all declined. So, in conclusion Haley...you are the only one who can make decisions regarding your feelings. You have to do what makes you feel right. Don't do something, just because someone else tells you that it is "the right thing to do". Do it for yourself, and do it for your Mom, and do things when you are ready to. Eventually, you will feel good about what you have done, for yourself and for your Mom. Take care, and I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes. Love to all, Kim PS: My Mom's ashes are in our livingroom, on a bookshelf, for now.

Trudy, I just read about your brother's wedding! It sounds like it was beautiful, and I hope all of the guests realize they were included in such a special ceremony and tribute. My son is getting married in June 07 (about 4 more months). He was extremely close to my Mom, and after reading your post, I am going to ask him what he would like to do to acknowledge/recognize his grandmother. I may have him read your post, so he can see how beautiful the ceremony was, and how it made you feel, if that is alright with you? I will leave the choice up to him, whether he wants to do something public or private. He was always his grandma's "favorite"! Thanks for sharing. It was very healing to read. Love you all, Kim

Hi there Derek! I too haven't been posting, but I check in every now and then, and read some posts. It will be 8 months for me losing Mom, on 2/14/07. I still miss her very much. I am so glad to hear that you are doing better. I think I am too, but I still have my moments...like looking at the card section at the store today. I have been dreaming alot lately about "old times". I have been dreaming about Mom and other relatives that have passed away. I talked to my husband today, and I think I need to get a job. I am thinking it will make me feel needed somewhere! I don't know, we'll see. I am going to think about it for a while. Take care everyone, and keep in touch. It is so nice to be able to come back here, and just talk. It's like having good, old friends, that will never leave you, no matter what kind of day we're having. It's being able to just "drop in" and say Hi, with no judgment about where you've been, or why you haven't written. Does that make sense? I hope everyone is doing better, each day. Sincerely, Kim

Hi Libby: I just finished dealing with my Mom's paperwork! Just when you think you've covered everything, something else shows up in the mail. Before Mom died, I had never had to deal with things like this before, and believe me, I learned alot this time. I was Mom's Power of Attorney before she died, and her Executrix after she died. Most of her creditors were very helpful and nice about the whole ordeal. I ran across a few that were NOT very nice and who said some of the rudest things. Someday, I know that they will be in the same situation as I was, and maybe that will make them change the way they treat other people in this situation. Just know that you should take each day as it comes. You can and will get through all the paperwork, eventually! Take care, and if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know. My Mom passed away June 14, 2006, and it still seems like it was only yesterday. The days do get better, a little at a time. Sincerely, Kim

Starrgirl: I don't understand why the post office won't let you forward your Mom's mail. When I started having my Mom's mail forwarded, I just filled out one of those "change of address" forms, mailed it to Mom's Post Office and voila, her mail is now being forwarded to my house. I didn't have to "prove" anything to anyone. And her mailman knew that Mom had passed away. If I was you, I think I would try again. This time just fill out the form, (making sure to send it to your Mom's post office) and drop it in the mailbox (with a stamp). What's the harm in trying. The worst that can happen is they tell you they can't. And, quite possibly, they just might start forwarding the mail. I didn't deal with anyone, in person, except for when I asked the mailman for the form. Other than that, I never dealt with a postal worker...did it all by mail, and it worked! Let me know if it works, if you decide to try again. Take care, and things will get better, eventually. Sincerely, Kim

Chrystal: My daughter told me a few months ago, to write my Mom a letter, on the computer, so I could save it. She told me to tell her everything I was feeling...like how mad I was that she died, and I don't know how to get along without her, and even tell her about the good times that I miss. I wrote the letter, and have never looked at it again. But it made me feel better, like somehow, I was really able to tell Mom what I was feeling, and how I felt about her dying, and that she was actually listening to me. It did me alot of good, and you might want to try it. Do it when no one is around to read over your shoulder, so you can be totally honest in the letter. Let me know how that works for you. Shell: How are you doing? How are things with your Mom? I haven't posted for a while, so I have lost touch with everyone, and I'm sorry about that! Take care, and keep me posted on your progress and your mom's too. Sincerely, Kim

Hi Martha: I know exactly how you feel. We just finished up my Mom's house last week, and it closed escrow on Wednesday, Nov 22nd. I have had to go through all of Mom's things. Some things, I just packed in boxes, and put them in my spare bedroom, waiting for a day when I can go through them. One day last week, my husband and I were at Mom's and were getting the last little bit of things out of there, and in the corner of her garage, I saw something shiney. So I went and looked, and it was a little gold angel ornament, about 2 inches long. There was nothing else on the floor, just the angel. I told my husband that Mom must have left it for me! I have 3 other living siblings, and I have been the only one who went through Mom's house and packed things up, and cleaned, and moved furniture...I did it all, with no help from any of them, which is why I believe Mom left me the angel. I was the closest to her, out of all the kids, and I think she was just letting me know that things were okay. Take care and take each day as it comes. That's all we can do. It has been 5 months since Mom died, June 14, 2006, and it still affects me, every day. Some days are better than others, but I always am thinking of her! I miss her very much. Take care, Sincerely, Kim

Dear Shell and Shelly: Thanks for replying to my post. My mom's house closed Nov 22nd, and it's hard for me, knowing I will never be able to go back to her house again! Shelly...My mom was really into her roses too, and I really, really wanted to dig them up and take them to my house, but there just wasn't time! I feel bad about that. I'm sorry about your Mom and Dad. I made it through my birthday and Thanksgiving just fine. Actually, it was a very nice day. We went to our son's house, and that was fun. Now we just have CHristmas to get through! Better go for now. THank you both again for replying. It really helps knowing others care and that they know what you're going through! Take care, Sincerely, Kim

kayc: I will keep you in my prayers and hope that the job you really want will have an interviewer who will see what an asset you would be to their company. Keep on trying, and don't give up! Why type of work do you do? Take care, Kim

Jamie: I know it's none of my business, but I have not been on this website for a little over a month now, and I came back tonight, and read your post. I hope you find a way NOT to leave. You're needed here, even though you don't think you are! We need you. It's a selfish reason, I know, but if you stopped coming here, I don't think it would do you any good at all. Do like Derek said, and use a different name and city, and don't have your password log you in automatically (you know, it says remember my password) Anyway, I am sorry for butting my nose in where it doesn't belong, but I really hate to see you stop coming. Take a break if you have to, but come back...It helps, more than you realize! Take care, Kim --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FOR SOME REASON, THESE TWO POSTS ARE POSTING TOGETHER. I TRIED TO EDIT THEM, BUT IT DIDN'T WORK. SORRY! I AM NOT TOO COMPUTER LITERATE! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi Derek: I guess we all needed a little break from posting, huh? I know exactly what you mean, when you said life seems so unimportant anymore. I feel that way almost every day. I told my husband that I had to find something to do that I enjoy, then just dig in and start doing it. The problem is I can't come up with anything right now. Nothing sounds good to me. Maybe someday, just not now. I hope you're feeling better, and I have missed "talking" to everyone. It's nice to be back! Take care, Kim