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Kimber

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Everything posted by Kimber

  1. Hi everyone, thank you so much for your kind words and helpfull dialogue. I guess I was in shock for a week or so, but I went and picked up my Dad's ashes, and I did get that lock of hair in a heart necklace, and got a flask pendant for my brother. Well that was yesterday. And reality set in. I am crying all the time and my Mom and I have talked and find ourselves blaming the Hospice (Harbor House) in Las Vegas is where I am from, I lived with my parents for the last 8 years or so. Since my father had a heart attack, and I decided to go back to college and get my degree. I feel cheated because the hospice was not completely honest with us in a way. We did not know that we could no longer take Dad to the hospital, or I guess when he got sick and I wanted to take him to the hospital the hospice did nothing to help him. I know we had signed a DNR. But I thought that they would help him if he was having trouble breathing. I started calling at 9 am and the nurse got there at 3:20 and Mom ran out to the car and told her Dad was dying and I was trying to help him and she said she was doing paperwork and came in 10 minutes later and said he died at 3:40 when he actually died at 3:30. The woman sat on the phone and laughed with the mortuary person about her accent with my father two feet away and me and Mom sobbing. She did nothing to help us and I truly believe they just let my father die. Which was not the way it was explained to me. I thought they would still treat him, but not hook him up to life support systems or hook him up to a feeder so he wouldn't starve to death. I didn't know that they would wait all day and let my father die because we did not understand that a dnr meant no treatment whatsoever if he got sick. Also the person never even offered any help to my mother or me, she upset my mother very much sitting at our kiitchen table laughing while my father had just died 10 minutes before. I know anger is a part of the steps, but this person has been in this business too long. She has lost all compassion and empathy. I don't want to blame anyone for his death, he was in third stage Parkinsons. But I didn't expect their total disrespect for my family. I will be sure to tell others about this paticular hospice, and tell people that they know for sure that their loved ones are going to die in thier arms with no help from anyone at this hospice. I am just starting to grieve I know, but my feelings about this are real and not just because of grief. Kimber
  2. Honey, I am so sorry for you. I also lost my father 11-24-03. But he was 84 and had been very sick. I am having a hard time accepting that he is really gone. All I can tell you is that he is still with you, in your heart, and by your side. He will always be with you no matter where you go. I don't know how long it takes, but its not going to be easy or a short length of time. You are so young and so was he. I am 46 and sometimes things happen so suddenly and so unexpectedly that you are in shock for awhile. This is something you need to talk to people about. All your feelings are important. I will hope for you and pray for you and maybe if we talk we can tell each other the good stories about our fathers. An share our grief somehow to help each other. Kimber
  3. Hi, I posted yesterday that my Dad had passed on Monday the 24th at 3:30 in the afternoon in my arms. He had parkinsons and dementia. He was 84 and had gone thru alot of good days and bad days. But the last 5 weeks he went into a spiral so fast that the last day still came as a shock even though the hospice gave me a book with the symptoms of the last weeks and months. I have been reading the different posts and it helps to know that others are feeling the same way I do, which is not to feel much of anything. Can't sleep, can't eat, can't think, forget time and days and conversations. My Mom and I went to the mortuary yesterday and set everything up and we are having him cremated as that is what him and Mom had talked about doing. We go see him tomorrow for the last time before he is cremated. We picked out an urn and two little ones for my mom and for my brother, I am getting a necklace with a lock of his hair inside of it so he will always be next to my heart. Tell me if that is weird, because some people think that having a penant made is a little too wacky or going overboard. but it seems to be stuck in my head that that is what I want to do. I feel guilty because I am not crying or feeling much of anything. I don't understand why I am not sobbing or doing something to let it out. I try to talk to my family and they live 1500 miles away and they did not take care of him like mom and I did for the last five years or so. In fact they really don't want to hear any of the things we have done or what we want to do. I get angry about that because I need to talk about it and they refuse to even call me back. People that I don't hardly know at all are more compassionate and empathetic than my own family. But I guess I saw the deteroration everyday and have been better prepared and feel relief for him, because he is not hurting or being humiliated anymore. My mom married him in 1943 when she was 18, their 60th anniversary was Nov 4th, 2003. I am really worried for her, because she is lost. We are both unsure of the future and cannot imagine life without him. He is and was our rock. Maybe after I see him tomorrow I can start to release or at least not think he is just in the hospital and we didn't go see him today. I am sorry this is so long, but I really have no one to talk to and need to share and talk and talk and talk. I keep coming up and checking my computer for a reply but no one has replied yet. I guess like birth, death is something we all have to go thru alone. I just don't want to lose my mind, and not even know it. Thanks for reading this, Kim
  4. Hi I lost my dad monday and am going thru a myriad of feelings. I really need to talk to someone. If anyone wants to talk to me please do. Kim
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