Hi, I posted yesterday that my Dad had passed on Monday the 24th at 3:30 in the afternoon in my arms. He had parkinsons and dementia. He was 84 and had gone thru alot of good days and bad days. But the last 5 weeks he went into a spiral so fast that the last day still came as a shock even though the hospice gave me a book with the symptoms of the last weeks and months. I have been reading the different posts and it helps to know that others are feeling the same way I do, which is not to feel much of anything. Can't sleep, can't eat, can't think, forget time and days and conversations. My Mom and I went to the mortuary yesterday and set everything up and we are having him cremated as that is what him and Mom had talked about doing. We go see him tomorrow for the last time before he is cremated. We picked out an urn and two little ones for my mom and for my brother, I am getting a necklace with a lock of his hair inside of it so he will always be next to my heart. Tell me if that is weird, because some people think that having a penant made is a little too wacky or going overboard. but it seems to be stuck in my head that that is what I want to do. I feel guilty because I am not crying or feeling much of anything. I don't understand why I am not sobbing or doing something to let it out. I try to talk to my family and they live 1500 miles away and they did not take care of him like mom and I did for the last five years or so. In fact they really don't want to hear any of the things we have done or what we want to do. I get angry about that because I need to talk about it and they refuse to even call me back. People that I don't hardly know at all are more compassionate and empathetic than my own family. But I guess I saw the deteroration everyday and have been better prepared and feel relief for him, because he is not hurting or being humiliated anymore. My mom married him in 1943 when she was 18, their 60th anniversary was Nov 4th, 2003. I am really worried for her, because she is lost. We are both unsure of the future and cannot imagine life without him. He is and was our rock. Maybe after I see him tomorrow I can start to release or at least not think he is just in the hospital and we didn't go see him today. I am sorry this is so long, but I really have no one to talk to and need to share and talk and talk and talk. I keep coming up and checking my computer for a reply but no one has replied yet. I guess like birth, death is something we all have to go thru alone. I just don't want to lose my mind, and not even know it. Thanks for reading this, Kim