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Fern

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Everything posted by Fern

  1. Hi, Haven't posted in a while, but have been reading. I have had a really bad week - missing Mokey like it was just last week that she died - instead of almost three months ago. As I tried to figure why - I realized that last year at this time, Moke was going thru a life threatening medical emergency. The vet had informed us that her chances for survival were poor. We all had a difficult couple of days, then following an emergency surgery, she made an amazing recovery. It appearred to be an isolated incident. It was an issue completely unrelated to her actual cause of death. During this same week last year, my senior horse was also experiencing the first of his dramatic symptoms. We did not know from day to day if he would make it. He did recovery somewhat - but died April 1. I know it is not uncommon to experience an intensification of grief on the anniversary dates of losses. But what about anniversaris of this sort? Can anyone else relate? I remember how happy I was when Mokey recovered last November. She was such a joy to be around. For those of you interested in the state of our surviving cats- The big tom and our older female, Oreo, seem to be bonding. The turning point came when Tom couldn't find Oreo. (She was having a respiratory problem so we had her inside for the night.) The tom's mewoos were so mornful as he looked for her. Since then, they seem to be developing a friendship and even sleep curled next to each occasionally. Thanks for being here Fern
  2. avsgr dancer I am so glad to hear the great news about Sweet Pea!!!!!! Later Fern
  3. Fern

    So Tired

    lil kid, Thank you for writing. You hit the nail right on the head. I could definitely see the same thing happening with me - being mismatched. Thank you for helping to validate and clarify my concerns. Everyone who has written has been such a help. Fern
  4. Fern

    So Tired

    Hi Avgr_dancer, I am really not good at these computer things. I had somehow missed your reply until just now. I had just spent a while doing a reply to you. Don't know what happened to it. Anyway, this is the condensed version of my lost reply. Thank you for your words of comfort and words of wisdom. Thanks for telling me about Sweet Pea! She sounds like a cuddley love. In most situations, another dog would probably be the way to heal. But not for me - not now. I do have other pets, and they are a comfort to me. Thanks Fern Maylissa, I meant to mention to you that we had used some flower essence therapy for Moke because she would get very anxious from thunder. Our vet suggested it and it worked wonders. The vet instructed us to put the drops on a treat. We had discussed using some for a cat for a different situation. Our vet was concerned that the solution (think it was an alcohol base) might be toxic to a cat. I will ask her, the vet, about something for tom. Appreciate all that have helped me with your words, shared experiences, prayers, hugs, and good thoughts. Fern
  5. Fern

    So Tired

    Hi again, Maylissa, I do feel for you. I know how desperately I have longed for a connection with my girl. And still do. For exactly the reasons you do. I do feel fortunate that others around me have been able to pass on their experiences of her to comfort me. Maybe it is not our grief. Maybe their feelings are so strong that it would be hard for them to leave us again. But I guess I am talking about things that I really don't know. I prefer to believe that my girl is having such a good time that she hasn't had time to miss me. I picture her playing with little kids, lots of little kids. She loved kids so much. Our young grandkids were always trying to outsmart her playing hide and seek with her. But she was a master at that - she would sniff them out and lick their ears til they would squeal with laughter. The kids loved to run around the yard with Moke chasing them. No matter how slow or fast they were running, Moke would stay one step behind them, never catching them - baying all the way. No matter how bad a day I was having, Moke always put a smile on my face. She was such a happy, loving creature. I definitely miss that Fern
  6. Fern

    So Tired

    Hi Maylissa, Once again thank you for taking the time to respond. Yes I had read your story on the other board. Wow. When it rains - with relatives anyway. Sorry you are going thru all this, too. But grateful you are willing to share with others - your thoughts and experiences. Reading your posts has certainly helped me clear my head. It is kind of weird because there are even more similarities between your and my situation than you know. So it has helped more than you know. My husband is the most sensitive and compassionate person that I know. Not just to me, but to everyone. You would really like him - cuz I think you two think quite a bit alike, too. For a long time, I thought - if I could just see, hear, experience my dog's presence - just one more time - just to know she is where she should be - happy and taken care of that I would be ok. I prayed. I meditated. I did everything I could think of. Nothing. Nothing Nothing. But during one time I was "trying", my husband later recounted that he had had a strong impression - almost like a vision- that our dog was with us running circles around us the way she did when she was very happy. Another time I was "trying" a new friend of my husband's - who I had barely met - called my husband to tell him that he had seen us and our dog, all together, in a dream. That he had the strong impression that because of the strong bond of love we all shared that we would continue to be together. Another time, a friend sent a touching email card that said something to the effect that our loved ones live on in our memories. I have thought a lot about this. In my heart, I think that my emotions (my extreme reluctance to let her go) are a barrier between her and me. I am so wrapped up in my hurt, she has to let me know thru others that she is ok and happy. Don't know why, but felt impressed to share this. Thanks again Maylissa Fern
  7. Fern

    So Tired

    Thank you for your words/ They truely help. My heart goes out to you, too. I made the mistake of showing my post to my husband before sending it. (I know he is suffering as much as I am. I saw and felt his pain the day of the accident. He has said that he is still having a hard time so I thought it might be of help to him to read what I am having a hard time talking about.) But, now he is upset. He believes "we create our own destiny" We reap what we sow. What we send out is what comes to us. Like maybe because I was so upset with my horse's death that our cat got killed.... then our dog. (Of course he hasn't said that - but it follows with his line of reasoning.) He indicates that my depression is a reflection of our relationship. That I am saying he is a failure if I am depressed. Don't get me wrong, I love this guy more than anything - and he treats me like a queen. But this is so hard Thank you so much for being there. For listening. For not judging. For understanding - and not trying to "fix" me.
  8. Fern

    So Tired

    On the 30th it will be two months since my dog died. I am just so tired of feeling the way I feel. I really don't want to go on with anything. I just want my baby back. My mind says it just takes time - it is part of life. My heart is saying - it has already been too long. I am so depressed. I am tired of people telling me that I need to get another dog to "get over it". No dog could replace my baby or even begin to compare with the special relationship that has been interupted. I could not cope with the demands of another dog. I DON'T WANT ANOTHER DOG. Yes, I would love another dog. And I could look forward to more heartbreak if and when something happened to it. That I could not handle. Anymore than I am handling this. My dog was my personal trainer. She demanded a vigorous walk morning and evening. That was the best part of my day for five years. I loved it. My husband and I made a pack that we would honor her memory by continuing that tradition. But, of course, it isn't the same without her enthusiasm and encouragement. It is amazing how easily we can be swayed from our walks now. After missing one or two, I can not muster the energy to initiate a walk. ' I am just so tired.
  9. Dear it hurts, I hope you are finding comfort. Loss of our loved animal friends is very, very hard. Please remember that all of us deals with grief in different ways. I suspect your folks are dealing with the loss in their own way. I have no doubt that we will be reunited with our animal family members after this life. My prayers are with you. Fern
  10. Hello again, We are faced with a situation that I am sure is not uncommon, so if anyone has any suggestions..... As I have written before, we have recently lost a cat and a dog. One of our surviving pets is a neutered tom that was unusually close to both. The Tom's story. He adopted us about six years ago - just barely grown. We beleive he came from an extremely abusive home. He was abandoned when his mistress died suddenly and unexpectedly and the "master?" was sentenced to 40 years prison for domestic abuse. We attributed the tom's initial behavior with our three spayed female cats to his rough past. He was extremely aggressive and savage. We hoped neutering him would help him mellow. It didn't. It was a very bad situation. Then, we brought home our five week old Airedale puppy. The tom cat immediately adopted that puppy and raised her like his own. The tom's behavior changed from night to day. No one could ask for a more mellow, gentle cat. The Airedale and tom made a unique pair - their mutual love was obvious. As time progressed, the tom also formed an attachment to one of the female cats. We would always see them curled up together sleeping. Now both of the tom's close companions are gone. He has such a mornful meow as he walks around the yard. He appears and I am sure he is depressed. He has made some friendly advances to the one remaining female (who is about 10 years old) She remains distrustful of him. And rightfully so, as I have seem him sidle up to her as if in peace and then go into the attack mode. Besides his loss, I am concerned that his prepuppy behavior may be returning. I want to help him, but am not sure how or what to do. I am allergic to cats, but I try to show the tom an increase in attention - and my husband definitely does. (Both cats are outside cats, but spend a large amount of time in our open porch.) Any suggestions? Another puppy is not an option. At this time, I am not ready Fern
  11. mnkitten, I also lost my constant companion about six weeks ago. I was devastated and could not believe how hard it was to get through the days. (For me the nights were actually worse) Everywhere I looked and everything I did reminded me she was gone. Please remember that you are not alone. It really helped me to read some of the excellent articles on this site about grieving, guilt, etc. I was amazed at the comfort I got from learning more about the grief process - it also helped when I shared what I learned with my husband. You have made one of the hardest decisions anyone has to make. Toto was fortunate to be a part of your family. God bless you for your courage. My prayers are with you and your family Fern
  12. Thank you to all who have posted regarding my losses. They really have been a comfort to me. The support helps so much. Of course, all the posts help - it helps so much to know of others surviving the loss of such close relationships. And knowing I am not alone. My heart goes out to those who have lost close family members as well as loved animals in such short periods of time. Wow, that would be hard to deal with. I think I am coming to terms with the fact that it is going to take a very long time to adjust to the absence of Smokey, Raja, and Mokey. They were an important part of my life while they were in this life - they always will be important to me. For years I felt like I was living an enchanted life. I was so happy with my husband and all our animals. I wanted nothing more. Now, not only have we lost our three beloved friends, but I have a dread that something terrible is going to happen to our surviving pets. Before daylight last Sunday a truck was driving slow with flashing lights down the road in front of our house. I KNEW an animal had been hit by a car. Even though the horses would have had to get through two gates to get on the road, I was shaking until I accounted for all three of my horses and both cats. After daylight, we walked down the road and discovered a deer that had been killed. The "dread" feeling doesn't seem to go away. God bless you all for your willingness to share.
  13. Fern

    My Losses

    Hello, I have visited this site for the past several weeks. It has been very comforting for me. Thank you all. I have attempted to write a post about my losses in the last six months several times. That has been too difficult - too many emotions. So I thought if I made it really brief, maybe I could do it. About six months ago, we lost my "senior" horse Smokey. About a month and a half later, we lost a couragous and dignified cat that adopted us when she was a kitten about 10 years ago. Then, just five weeks ago we lost our beloved dog. We knew Smokey's time was winding down on this earth. Still hard to say goodbye to him. Raja, the cat, was hit by a car - so even though she was older, it was definitely unexpected. Moke-a-mae, our sweet dog's death was the result of a trajic accident that I witnessed and should have prevented. We had her to our vet's within minutes of the accident. After xrays and IV, we were in the process of driving her to a trauma center about 200 miles away when she died. My husband has made wonderful markers for their graves. We have had memorial services - which really helped. Thanks to my caring vet, we have had a tremendous amount of support from friends and neighbors in the loss of Mokey. Everyone who knew us knew how important she was to us. Phone calls, cards, cake and card, applesauce and cards. Even this week I talked to a neighbor that I haven't talked to all summer. She remarked how sorry she was to hear about Mokey. But it is still so hard. Yesterday, was the fifth week anniversary of her death. The last couple of days I thought I was really doing good. Then "wham" - the pain. I am middle aged and did not think I had lived a sheltered life. But this has been the most devastating experience I have ever been through. As you can tell, my brief account in not brief. But, at least I am not in tears. And maybe I will be able to send this I firmly believe that she is happy where she is. But I miss her so much. Thanks for listening.
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