Jennie Harrison

Hallo everybody! First of all I would like to thank all people on this site, since this helped me alot through my griefing. I live in The Netherlands so it was really cool that just a simple website could help better then anything "live" here. Its been so hard lately... its almost like I am getting numb, don't feel anymore! The last 2 years (2006 + 2007 ) was probably the most horrible years in my 23 year old life. I lost so many people and I even almost died myself in a car accident which I am still suffering from. People around me are always trying to support, which I got really angry with before since they all have parents and perfect lives. But the good thing is that I am not angry anymore.... the only thing is the missing part. Sometimes I feel that EVERYTHING is happening to me, but I realized that.... that way of thinking is not gonna lead me anywhere.... I feel that I have been taken a big step, I am accepting! It is how it is! It sucks! But the only thing you can actually do is to put one foot infront of the other. I am not angry anymore... It sounds very very stupid, but now I almost feel lucky somehow..., I will be there 100 % for my friends if it happens to them, I have grown... But I do still cry, I miss my dear father, wish he could see me growing up to a real adult, getting kids and bla bla but hey thats how it is. I am lucky, because I had a wonderfull father, not many people have that, and I still have the best mother in the world alive. This got very long, just needed to get it out! Thanks to you all!

Hi! I have exactly the same thing... Just when I am about to fall asleep I fly up because I think my heart stop beating. My father died a while ago.... his heart just stoped in his sleep. So I was happy to read this because I thought I was going mad, but ofcourse I am sorry for you. But don't worry I have it too, had it for a while now. And every morning I wake up I forget about it, but then comes the night again. Why are the night so hard? Anyway... I am in the same situation as you sweety. My email: jenassi@gmail.com, if you need someone to speak to....

I am so confused, one week ago it was 1 year since my lovley father died... and I have never felt worse!!! Been crying for 5 hours now... I think it's so unfear that I am 22 years old and I don't have my father. I have friends that are around 40 and hate their fathers. Life is so unfear!!! I need him.... and I am totally freaking out now..... since I been away from my home country for a few years, it's hard to understand that he is gone... and the hardest question WHERE is he??? I love him... whish I could just have one last moment with the best dad in the world... when does the pain go away? Can't he just come back and say it was a big joke?

Soon one year have passed, I feel much better then before, I am back with the love of my life, he is the sweetest! He's father killed himself when he was 13, so in some weird way I feel lucky around him! He is so strong, been through so much and more is coming... Anyway, I am really thankful for this site, it helped me alot... thanks to everybody! My father's death is almost one year ago, and I am fearing the day a bit... It will feel so weird... Thanks again!

It's been three months now, I had moments when I felt really good, but most of the time I'm just so angry. I feel like somehow I'm in the way for people? I'm trying to be the same old me, but it's not working. I'm really hurting my boyfriend, angry with him for nothing, he thinks I'm unfear. Life is unfear!!! I miss my father, I really miss him so much that sometimes tears don't seams to be enough, screaming don't seams to be enough. Also I'm thinking about death all the time, why do we have to die? I really hope he is somewhere nice... Everything feels pretty hopeless right now If I only could have one last hug

Thank you all so much for your replies. Feels so good to read them, I have been to the gym today, I've been crying a lot, but still somehow it was a nice day. Another sad thing is that my best friend now found out that her father died... also, 43 years old, it's so unfear. Big hugs to you all.

I'm 21 years old and lost my dear father almost 2 months ago, he had been sick but recovered, and then suddendly his heart just stopped. My family lives in Sweden and I study in Holland, so I feel so alone right now, even though I'm not. The worst thing is that I don't know who I am anymore.... I've always been positiv, not jeluos, happy morningperson. My boyfriend has been the best support to me, but I feel like I'm treating him bad, I feel I have so much anger that I take out of him, I have also been very very jeluos latley, wondering, why he is with me? Is he cheating on me? I know he loves me, but I'm thinking so angry thoughts. Sometimes I just get angry with him for no reason, and I really don't want that. I'm loosing my self-confidence, it's all very hard. Anybody that ever felt the same?