JC@BTOWN

Polly, that's a good idea to get out of the house during these times and I think I will do that next time. My kids and I were saying we might take a trip during Christmas.

thank you all, I know this is apart of the dang process but we sure don't have to like it. I did start going to a support group which meets on Thursdays and I went to my first one last week. I will go a couple more times to see if it's "for me" or not. All the people in the group are a few years into their loss and I don't know if being around emotions is going to be good for me or not, especially if the majority of them are still feeling the same pain as if it happened yesterday.. Does that make sense? I don't want to have anyone think that I think their is a time frame on how we move forward or how long we go through the process because everyone is different. I had my husbands and my Christmas picture on my phones home screen since he died, I had to take it off today because it was too painful to look at. I still have his pictures every where in the house and all of that but the phone picture had to go... I took our wedding bands and my engagement ring to the jewelry to design a necklace that my daughter can wear when she marries and my son can carry in his pocket on the day he marries, there are just thinks that I have to do to feel like I am moving forward, not forgetting but moving forward because if I do not, my mind can get dark and I don't want that.. I hope I am making sense and I hope I don't offend anyone, just trying to do what's best for me and my brain....

Easter Sunday was the first holiday without my husband who passed away 2 months ago. What a hard day for me. I know I should be so happy for him that he got to spend Easter up in heaven (oh what a celebration that was) but I am selfish and want him here. I think I cried more yesterday than I have these whole two months. I want no part of holidays or this feeling ever again but I know it's going to happen many more times.

Thank you Kevin. This is a tough road to go down and I know it's a long road, a long process and for me it's a second by second and day by day process. Most days are doable but Sunday was not a good day for me and I expect to have many of those but I also expect I will have many doable days yet to come...

I am sorry for your loss as well. I never hit a place that this felt "surreal". I take that back, the first two days I was like that and maybe it only lasted that long because I was there when it happened and I knew he was gone, so maybe that's why I only had that feeling of "this isn't happening or WTH just happened" for a short period of time.. I also don't know how I managed to keep myself from being hysterical when it happened. I was very upset and shaken but once emergency people were there, I stood back with my kids and we prayed and watched them work on him but in my heart, I knew it was too late. you see so many people on TV, whether it be on a movie or news that flip out and are beyond hysterical and that just wasn't me. I was crying and feeling the emotions of what was happening but I wasn't hysterical. Now my daughter who ran up on the scene got hysterical and her brother had to grab her and the emergency workers had to have a talk with her and make sure she was ok but once they told us "he's gone", her little switched flipped into a mode that was totally my husband "ok, now this is what we need to take care of and what we need to do and these are the calls we need to make"... I am proud of both of those kids...

I have my ups and downs but I have a heart full of peace. Our marriage was in a good place, the kids were in a good place with their dad and I couldn't ask for anything more. Sadness? of course but I have peace and that helps me to smile every day and recall the wonderful 29 years we had. do I cry? yep, mostly at night but that's ok, it apart of the process (I guess). As my husband was dying, I hopped up on the tractor with him and told him over and over "I love you", he knew.... One of my husband sayings was "it is what it is" and I know that's what he is saying right now "Julie, it is what it is, so don't get bogged down and crumble"...

Oh Anearia, I am so sorry for you loss. I am sorry for all of our losses. We all know we have an appointed time but when it happens, it's shocking (my opinion).

thank you all... We have our two children that still live at home, they are 24 and 26 and having them both home is actually a blessing right now. The first few weeks after the accident, the kids wouldn't leave me alone and they were stuck to me like glue. I had to tell them that there are times I need to be alone and they need to go about their day to day routine as well as I do. They have eased up and are starting to leave me alone for longer periods of time, I would never burden them. We live on 3 acres and my son is there to help and we have been conquering household duties we have never done before, such as fixing the leaky toilet and we are very proud of ourselves right now... It's just a difficult thing to process that I was once married and in the blink of an eye, I am now a single person. I was married longer than I was single. I miss him very much but I have comfort in knowing where he is and we will be together once again. Thank you all for listening...

I lost my husband 5weeks ago this coming Saturday, we were married 28 years. I'm 49 and he was 51. It was a freak accident here on our property, I saw it happen. The accident was traumatic but not bloody or gory and I'm thankful. He died quickly which I'm also thankful for as well. I am grieving, I break mostly at night. I am joyful that I had no regrets with him on the day he died, we were happy. We had a wonderful date night the night before, fixed him breakfast that morning and 45 min later he was gone. I'm thankful for the wonderful man God gave me, I was blessed beyond belief.