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Polly

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Everything posted by Polly

  1. Bill and I have been trying to work things out for a little over a month now. It has been going really good. We have been taking it slow. I think the time apart was good for us. Not that it was any fun. It gave us time to really think about things. We both know that we want the same thing. We cant imagine our lives without each other.
  2. I would have to say yes. Although I'm the one that kept pushing my boyfriend away and needing space. My husband passed a little over 3 years ago. My boyfriend's long time girlfriend passed about 2 and a half years ago. We met at a grief support group. There was an instant connection between us. We started doing things together. Then started dating. It was hard for me because I still have my youngest living at home. She is 19 now. She doesn't think I should be with anyone. Bill and I have been dating for a little over 2 years. I have broke it off with him about 4 times. This past Oct. he asked me to marry him and I said yes. A month and half later I broke it off with him again. My daughter was happy. As the weeks and months went on, I did a lot of thinking and crying. I have realized that my daughter was trying to control me. I was doing what she wanted not what was in my heart. Three weeks ago we ran into each other. I was worried that he may have moved on or found someone else. He thought the same. We are dating again. We have talked about everything and have been honest with each other. We are best friends. We cant imagine our lives without each other. We are slowly working towards what we both want out of this. That is to one day be husband and wife.
  3. Thanks Marty. I have read some of them. I saved it so I can read more later. Kay, you are so right.
  4. These past few months have been bad. I broke up with Bill in Nov. I thought it was the right thing to do. The first couple of weeks I felt ok with it. Then everyday I would find myself crying. I tried to move on. That didn't work. Then 3 weeks ago, I went out by myself just to get out of the house. As I was walking in a parking lot to my car Bill drove past me. I didn't realize it was him until after he passed me. I stood there and my heart was pounding. I thought maybe this was a sign. A few days later I decided to message him. We ended up talking on the phone that night for about 2 hours. We have since then decided to try to work things out. Nicole, my 19 year old daughter, isn't happy about it. I have realized that she is the reason that I have kept myself from being with someone that I care so much for. It's a real struggle for me. She is my baby. At the same time, why should I not do what makes me happy?
  5. I'm sure Mark does have something to do with it. I say the same thing about meeting Bill. They want us to be happy.
  6. Katie, I think about you often and wonder how you doing. My best friend asked me that same question a few after Richard passed. I said the same thing. I also thought why would she even ask me this? She meant well by it. She worries about me. Here I am, over 3 years later. I have found someone who is my best friend and can talk to about anything. He also lost his girlfriend of 20 years. So he gets it. It has been a struggle but we really do love each other. I know you may think that you will never be able to love anyone else but you never know. I also struggled in the beginning but my kids always made me keep going for them. You just keep going and take it day by day or minute by minute. It's hard, we all get that. We are all here for you.
  7. Oh yes, the loneliness is horrible. It's been a little over 3 years for me. Two years ago I met someone that lost his girlfriend of 20 years. We had a lot in common. We dated for 2 years off and on. It was hard. In Oct 2018 he proposed to me. Then 7 weeks ago, I broke it off with him. I haven't talked to him since. I have realized that being with him helped me get through because I had someone to talk to and someone to go and do things with. Now, i'm back to crying everyday and have no one. Most of my girlfriends still have their husbands. So I don't really have anyone to go and do things with. I have 6 sisters but they live 4 hours away. I'm trying to stay positive. My goal for this year is to try and go through this house and down size.
  8. Hey!!! I am the crazy cat lady, Kay!!!! I have 9 of them. I did put the tree up. Nothing else though. Not even sure why I put the tree up. I have only turned on the lights after I put it up. Just one more thing for me to do after Christmas.
  9. I broke it off with Bill a few weeks ago. He was smothering me. I'm too independent for that. I need my space. He thought he had to do everything for me. I had talked to him about that several times in the past. Just not what I want or need. Things with Nicole has been good. She still is trying to recover for the accident. She still has pain in her arm and leg. I'm sure this is always going to be a problem for her. We have become really close since her accident. We are considering moving. Not sure yet but either moving back to my home town to be close to my 6 sisters and my mom or moving back to Florida. I would love either of those places. There is nothing here in this small town. Rich's family barely talks to me. They don't include me in anything anymore. Sad. It's like, Rich died so you are not part of the family any more.
  10. This will be the 4th Christmas without Richard. My daughter that still lives at home with me always makes me put up the tree. I do it for her. She turns 19 on Monday. Last year I bought a pencil tree. It's small and doesn't take much to set it up. We haven't set it up yet. I don't think I will put out anything else but the tree this year. We aren't here on Christmas anyway. The past 3 years Nicole and I leave on Christmas Eve after I get off of work and drive to Altoona to stay with my sister. We will do the same this year. It just makes it easier if we are not here.
  11. I will be working on Thanksgiving from 630am-3pm. I haven't worked on Thanksgiving in about 12 years. I was planning on just cooking my dinner on Wed because I'm off. Figured I can just heat up whatever I want when I get home from work. Plus, Nicole loves having leftover turkey for sandwiches. Just the other day Nicole tells me she is going to her best friends on Wed and spending the night there. So I guess I'm going to be eating alone on Wed. Nicole and I like to go Black Friday shopping. We have been going for years. It's always a fun time. I think we are going this year.
  12. Idk. When i'm with Bill everything feels right. But when i'm here by myself I question if i'm doing the right thing. I wonder if this is what I want. I have even thought that maybe can't do this. Then at the same time I think that I'm crazy to even think that. Moving on is just so hard. Thankfully he totally gets that because he is dealing with the same emotions.
  13. it's been 2 months since an update. Nicole went back to work on Nov. 4. Her arm isn't 100% yet but it's getting there. Hopefully in the next couple of months she can find a full time job. Bill and I went to the beach at the beginning of October with our friends and he proposed to me. It's now half way through November. I have thinking about Bill moving in with me. That is a hard one. I want it to happen. I want to take things to the next level but it's just so hard. I don't know if it's because this is the house that Richard and I shared. Or maybe because I'm worried about what our kids will think. IDK. The kids are all adults. They have all accepted the fact that I need to keep living. I think it is me. I think I'm having trouble with taking the next step. I know Richard would want me to be happy and would want someone to take care of me.
  14. oh yes. Right before Richard went into the hospital, we had a skunk that got into our basement through the kitty door. It sprayed in the basement. The night of my daughters cars accident after I spoke with the police officer and told me what hospital to go to, I was driving there and all of a sudden all I smelt was a skunk. The smell lasted way longer then it should have, Not the first time this has happened. I know when I smell that skunk spray smell for miles that it is Richard communicating with me.
  15. I was really shocked that I didn't cry. When I wrote that I thought wow! that was a first. How am I? I never know how to answer that question. I think I'm doing ok. 4 months ago Nicole my 18 year old daughter was in a horrible car accident that everyone says they don't know how she survived. After a lot of hard work, she went back to work this past Sunday. Everything she has been through has changed her(for the better). I got engaged on Oct 4 to the guy that I met at a grief support group two years ago. Ohhh the whole dating thing and being with someone else has been a rollercoaster ride. Although I really think Richard had something to do with me meeting Bill. Bill is so much like Richard. Sometimes it freaks me out.
  16. Today, Nov. 5 is 3 years for me. It does seem like forever ago and yesterday all at the same time. I've come a long way in the past 3 years. Surprisingly I didn't even cry today.
  17. you had me at chocolate!!!!! LOL!!!! This time of year is really hard for me. My mind goes back to 3 years ago. Richard was in the hospital and they couldn't figure out what was wrong. Nov. 3 was the day the doctor finally figured it all out and I received the worst news ever. Little did I know that at that point I only had less than 48 hours with him.
  18. My 18 year old daughter, who is recovering from a horrible car accident had something strange happen yesterday while I was at work. She was fixing herself dinner. She needed to open a jar of alfredo sauce. She just recently has been cleared to start using her left arm. She broke the upper part of her arm and has a plate in there. Anyway, she couldn't get the jar open. She tried and tried. She sat down at the table and was about to cry because there was no one else here to help her. Her hand was resting on the jar lid. After a few minutes of sitting there, the lid came off without her even twisting it. She knows it was her dad. She thanked him.
  19. Tom, I would ask her why she says no to you visiting. Who knows why she is saying no. I would have to know. I have been seeing someone for over a year and a half. We actually met at a grief support group. I have to say it's really hard dating again. I actually never thought that I would. We were just 2 people that lost the loves of our lives. We became friends and started doing things together as friends. There was a connection from the beginning. There were so many times that I thought that I couldn't continue with this relationship. I think I'm finally ok with it now. Even though he is different from Richard, there are many ways that he is so much like him.
  20. Katie, {{{{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}}}}}}} Wish I could give you a real one but this will have to do.
  21. Just wanted to update. It's been over a month since the last one. Nicole is walking with a cane now. She still can't walk for long distances. She can now start using her left arm. She was also cleared to drive. We bought her a car this week and that has helped her feel more independent. This whole thing has brought us closer together. She actually talks to me about personal things now. I have also straightened things out with Bill. We talk everyday but only see each other a few times a week. Nicole even went to dinner with us last weekend and she was really good about it. Yesterday, I told her I was going to ask him to come over to help me get the 4 wheeler out of the garage and put it in the shed. She was ok with that. In 2 weeks my girls and I are going to my hometown to go to the craft show that I love going to. All 6 of my sisters live there and my mom. So we will get to spend time with my mom too. We are looking forward to it. Then when we get back a few days later Bill and I are going to the beach with our friends from Wed thru Sunday.
  22. I have been telling her she needs to slow down. Although I think she already learned that lesson. She has admitted that she was going too fast when the accident happened. I was happy that she didn't try to deny that fact. The nice thing about this car is that you don't have to switch it to 4wd, it does it by itself. My jeep is the same way. I'm waiting for the mail to get here because I had to order a replacement garage door opener for her. We never found the one that was in her car. I'll have to program it. Just another thing that Richard would have taken care of that now I have to do. I also need to push the 4 wheeler back out of the garage and into the shed. My son in law took it out of the shed to try to get it running but was unsuccessful.
  23. Monday after Nicole's therapy we stopped to look at car for her. It was at a local dealership that Richard always bought his new cars from. Richard was friends with the owner since they were little. I haven't been there since Richard died. They had a 2016 Jeep Renegade that just had been traded in. Nicole liked it. Nicole and I have been looking for a car for a awhile. At first she kept showing me cars. Well we live in the middle of no where and you really need something that is 4wd in the winter here. Between myself and my older daughter we convinced Nicole to get something that was 4wd. She said she would like a Jeep Renegade because they are small. Anyway, we looked at this one and thought it was going to be out of her price range because it had low mileage on it. After talking to the salesman he gave a price. It was too good to pass up. So on Tues. after I got home from work we went and picked it up.
  24. It's been almost 3 for me. I bagged up all of Richard's clothes shortly after he died. I put the bags in the garage and they sat there until a few weeks ago. I finally donated them. I still have all of his hunting stuff and train stuff in the basement where they have always been. His train table still sits untouched. I just can't do anything with that stuff yet. I have thought that I need to but I guess I'm just not ready yet. The basement was his man cave. There is still a calendar hanging on his big tool box that is hanging on the wall. It's on October 2015. I can't take it down.
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