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Everything posted by Polly

  1. thank you Darrel. It wasn't the best day for me. Only 1 of 4 of my kids even bothered to tell me Happy Mother's day.
  2. Butch, I haven't really been on here much in awhile. I just read back and wanted to say, I'm so sorry about Noah. I'm sitting here crying. I have no words. Just wish I could give you a hug.
  3. JHCP, The dating thing is so hard. I never really thought that I would date anyone again. Never really had any intention to. I met someone who also lost his love of his life. We started out as friends just going and doing things together or just getting together to talk or watch a movie. I have questioned myself many times if I was ready for this. I have to remind myself often that he is not Richard although he does remind me of him a lot. Just found out last week that I also say or do things that remind him of his love. I think it helps that we both understand what each other is going through. It also helps that we both talk about our lost loved ones often.
  4. DanyGreen, I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband has been gone for almost 18 months now. My youngest daughter was almost 16 at the time. She was a mess. I was too. She went back to school about a week after he died. It was too much for her to handle. I ended up taking her to her doctor. Her dr. was also my husbands dr. He ended up writing a letter to the school to excuse her whenever she wasn't up to being there. I also stayed in close contact with her guidance counselor. She also was in a grief support group with other kids that lost close loved ones. That helped her a lot. I needed help with her because at the time I couldn't even help myself. She went through phases where she would tell me at times that she wished she would die or that she just wanted to kill herself. I can remember not knowing what to do or to say to her. almost 18 months later and she is doing a lot better. We both still have times that the grief hits us. We just take it one day at a day.
  5. Patty, I feel the same way you do. I also feel that Richard and Cindy had something to do with Bill and I meeting.
  6. I never thought that I would or could date again. I met a guy at the support group I was going to. We have a lot in common. We like the same things. We both have lost the loves of our lives. When people would ask if we were dating, I would tell them that I didn't know what to call it. I was afraid of what my kids would think. Would they be upset? There were so many emotions involved. A couple of months ago when we started to get close, I told him that I didn't know if I was ready for a relationship. I didn't know if he was either. We took things slow. We did enjoy talking with each other and having someone that understood exactly what we are going through. We talk a lot about lost loved ones. And it is ok. We will never stop talking about them. Do we still love them? of course we do but they are no longer here. We have to continue to live this life. Is it hard and weird? Yes, it is but I know Richard would want me to be happy.
  7. I was handling today ok until this evening. I've been sitting here crying. I miss Richard so much. He always made a big deal about special days.
  8. Marie, It has been 14 months for me. I have met someone too. He lost his girlfriend of 20 years. We met at a support group. The support group was only for 8 weeks. After it was done This guy and another women from the group and myself and my daughter have been going bowling once a week. For me there was some kind of connection between us the first time I met him. I wasn't looking for it, it just was there. There have been so many emotions over this. At times I ask myself if I'm ready for this. Is he ready for this. Then I was worried how my kids would feel about this. Right now we are just taking things slow and getting to know each other. It feels so right when we are together. Not sure where this will lead to. I am happy to have him as my friend and someone I talk to about anything including Richard. He understands. He understands when I'm having a bad day. I'm just taking it day by day.
  9. Glad you went Marg! I also went to a support group a couple of months ago. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. It was local at a women's house. She lost her young son about 6 years ago. It was for 10 weeks once a week. After it ended we decided to keep in touch. For the past couple of months 2 of the people from the support group plus me and my daughter have been going bowling on Thursday nights. The one guy is 7 years younger than me but in so many ways reminds me of Richard. We have really made a connection. We talk everyday. I never ever thought that I would be able to have feelings for someone else. Tonight I had a breakdown before going bowling. When I got there this guy knew something was wrong. He talked to my daughter and she told him I was really having a hard day. He hugged me and told me it was ok. Gosh, how it felt so good to have that hug from someone. Gosh this is so hard. It is nice to be able to have someone that understands. I'm just not so sure how my older daughter will take this. My younger daughter really likes him and I think she is ok with this.
  10. I used to love this time of year. Not so much anymore. I ended up buying one of those pencil trees just so it wouldn't take too much to decorate. I only decorated because of my daughter that is 17. Last Sat. was her 17th birthday. The couple of years before Richard passed, he started a tradition of taking her to the big mall that is 45 minutes away for her birthday and would let her pick out whatever she wanted. Last year and this year, I carried on that tradition. It was hard but I did it. Almost had a breakdown on the escalator in one of the stores though. There was a couple around my age in front of us and they were holding hands. It made me very sad that I don't have that anymore. Richard always held my hand.
  11. I know what you mean when you said you thought you were doing ok but not anymore. That kept happening to me. I have been feeling and doing a little better these past 2 weeks. I'm hoping I keep going in this direction.
  12. Yes, I had posted that song on FB last year. Last year Thanksgiving and Christmas were a blur. Hoping this year will be a little bit better.
  13. I have come a long way in the past year as well. I think your granddaughter is about the same age as my youngest daughter. She keeps me going. Otherwise, I would probably sit forever as well. I swear, she is so much like my mom! She will tell me what I need to do at times. Sadly, I usually do it. LOL.
  14. Gwen, It just sucks! I say this all the time. My friends and some of my family really don't know how to respond to me when I say it.
  15. Kat, I totally understand how you are feeling. That is the best news! I had something similar happened just last week. It all started at the end of Sept., when I realized that I never received my lump sum death benefit from social security. Something made me go to their web site. For some reason I started looking at the rules for survivor benefits for children. You see, last year when I first went to a lawyer, he told me that I could not get benefits for my daughter because she was Rich's step daughter. Well that is not always true. I called my local office the next morning. They told me I had to go in there on Oct. 28. Last Thursday, I received a 6 month back pay for her. She will now start receiving benefits until she graduates high school. I felt just like you are feeling right now. It was a big relief. No more stressing about how I'm going to provide for her needs.
  16. Thanks everyone. Actually both my daughters went with me. We tried to have a good time. My friends and family have been checking on me all day. My oldest daughter just left to go home. I think Nicole and I will go somewhere nice to eat.
  17. It's after 1am here and I should be sleeping. It's officially Nov. 5. The dreaded day one year ago that Richard passed. This has been a hard week. Almost as bad as last year at this time. Everyday thinking back to last year at what was going on. Thank goodness I was off work today or actually yesterday(Friday, Nov. 4). I took my daughter to school. Got home and turned the radio on because the silence was killing me. Richard's favorite song came on, Chicken Fried by Zak Brown Band. Totally lost it. Spent most of Friday crying and sleeping. My daughter and I took red roses to put on Richard's grave. After we get up in the morning we are going to take a drive about an hour away. We are planning on taking a scenic train ride in honor of Richard. That is something he would have loved to do. He loved trains. This is a picture of Richard from my older daughters wedding on Oct 9,2015.
  18. I have not decorated for Halloween. I didn't last year either because this time last year is when things started happening to Richard. Last year my daughter made me decorate for Christmas. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't even bother but I don't want to ruin it for her. She is almost 17 and I know I don't have much more time with her living at home. I'm sure once she graduates she will be ready to spread her wings. I'm not looking forward to that because then I'm going to be all alone.
  19. Marg, I can see why that is one of your favorites. It brought a smile to my face.
  20. Praying for sweet little Gracie and you and your family.
  21. I lost my husband 11 months ago. My youngest daughter is 16 so she still lives with me. I hate when she goes and spends the night at a friends house or her adult sisters house. Those nights are really hard for me. I keep thinking that when she becomes an adult and moves out that it is going to be really hard for me. I used to love my alone time. Now I hate it.
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