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Polly

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Posts posted by Polly

  1. Hi Marie,

    Kev's birthday and our Anniversary is on the same day. This would have been our 10th. It hit me hard. I took flowers to Rich's grave and told him Happy Anniversary and totally lost it. My older daughter was 2 hours away in Lancaster, Pa for a training class for work. She texted me that day and wanted me and my other daughter to come there. So we packed an overnight bag and hit the road. Yesterday we went to Kitchen Kettle Village and spent the day there. We even took a buggy ride later in the day. Worked out good because it was just the girls and I and the Amish women that drove the horses. We learnt so much about their way of life.

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  2. Thanks Marie and Kay. My 25 year old daughter pretty much said the same thing about her sister. She still isn't fully mature. Also my older daughter reminded me of how Nicole treated Richard in the beginning and for many years. She was mean to him. It was just the last few years that they started to get along. Yes, I have to do what is best for me.

    • Like 2
  3. Hi Marie!!! I haven't posted here in awhile. Sometimes I come here and read. I'm doing ok....I guess. The last week or so has been rough. I'm sure it's because on Aug 16 would have been Rich's and I's 10th Anniversary. We were supposed to go back to Vegas. That is where we got married. In a limo, in the drive-thru wedding chapel. It was so fun.

    I'm still dating the same guy. He also lost his love of 20 years. We have been dating since 12/31/16. Things are going pretty good. My youngest daughter, who is 17, still struggles with me dating. She thinks I should be alone for the rest of my life. yes, she told me this. I told her, that I do not want to be alone. I'm very happy. Yes, I miss Richard every single day and think about him all the time. As I know Bill misses his girlfriend as well. In the beginning of this relationship it was really hard. Now it's still hard but I'm the one left here and I love him.

    • Like 2
  4. Steve,

    I couldn't agree any more.( A good thing to remember however is how we may have crawled out of despair we live forever in a valley of loss. That loss can never be erased by time or even new love.) It will always be there.

    I have been seeing someone for over 6 months now. He also lost his love. It hasn't been easy. In the beginning, I kept feeling like I wasn't sure I could do this. I would feel this way when I wasn't with him. Then when we were together, I just knew that I could. That it was right. We have so much in common. We both love the same things. We both love the same music. We love the same shows on tv. Etc....

    Neither one of us was looking for this. I never thought that I could love someone again but it just happened. I remember having a conversation with my mom about a year ago. I told her that I didn't think that I could ever be with someone else because Richard treated me so well and that I didn't think anyone could ever be good enough for me. How wrong I was. We have been taking things slow, but we have been talking about future plans to move forward.

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  5. Ohhhh yes, I have said over and over again that I didn't think I could ever be with anyone else. Wow, how wrong I was. I think it helps that the guy I'm dating also lost his love. We help each other through it all. We went to the same support grief group. Then we started going bowling once a week as friends. On New Years eve is when things went from being friends to dating. So it has been 5 months now. We have been taking things slow and we only get to see each other a couple of times a week. But I now not only think of Rich all the time, I think of him too. I guess you can't stop love.

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  6. JHCP,

    The dating thing is so hard. I never really thought that I would date anyone again. Never really had any intention to. I met someone who also lost his love of his life. We started out as friends just going and doing things together or just getting together to talk or watch a movie. I have questioned myself many times if I was ready for this. I have to remind myself often that he is not Richard although he does remind me of him a lot. Just found out last week that I also say or do things that remind him of his love. I think it helps that we both understand what each other is going through. It also helps that we both talk about our lost loved ones often.

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  7. DanyGreen,

    I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband has been gone for almost 18 months now. My youngest daughter was almost 16 at the time. She was a mess. I was too. She went back to school about a week after he died. It was too much for her to handle. I ended up taking her to her doctor. Her dr. was also my husbands dr. He ended up writing a letter to the school to excuse her whenever she wasn't up to being there. I also stayed in close contact with her guidance counselor. She also was in a grief support group with other kids that lost close loved ones. That helped her a lot. I needed help with her because at the time I couldn't even help myself. She went through phases where she would tell me at times that she wished she would die or that she just wanted to kill herself. I can remember not knowing what to do or to say to her. almost 18 months later and she is doing a lot better. We both still have times that the grief hits us. We just take it one day at a day.

  8. 6 hours ago, Patty65 said:

    OK well.  As some know, this is the reason it has been difficult to post here, yet I miss it so.  I never intended to "date" again, let alone find myself in a relationship a year after my beloved Ron died - the shock, the sudden loss just 55 days long, the fact that we loved spending every minute of every day together at Maui Pasta.  Even if I had a thought that maybe in 10 years I would find companionship for the "alone", I would admonish myself for such a thought.

    But when Steve and I found ourselves falling in love, it seemed impossible, but it seemed also that Ron and Kathy had brought us together.  It is the four of us now.  It was like an escalator -- we were standing completely still and yet we were moving towards each other by a force beyond us.There is not a conversation that goes by where they are not mentioned, remembered, loved.  Our tears flow... mine a bit more since it is so raw. 

    But, how do I face the world with such a thing, to my family, my staff, my customers, all those who have lived through my utter devastation by my side?  Barely a year? Really?  I am still working on this.  As has been said in this thread, how can you be in such complete ruin and loss, and love, too?  Smile, laugh, too.  I don't know and yet here it is.

    It brings me to tears as I write this -- I think what I fear most deeply is for anyone to doubt -- for one iota of a second -- my love, devotion, devastation to and about Ron is not True, deep and endless.  That every word here I have written about Ron and my pain is real and ongoing and that I miss and long for him every hour of every day.  That I am still deeply grieving.  That I am depressed, angry and full of anxiety from the grief and trying to live on without him by my side -- and not just the business.  Especially not just the business.

    This, for me, is a lesson in duality. Holding two opposites at the same time.  Steve is on a plane coming to Maui for a few days right now. Tonight, we will sit and watch sunset at the beach where Ron is - his eternal reef and where we held his service - and then we will go to dinner at a restaurant on the same beach and celebrate Kathy's birthday.

     

     

    Patty,

    I feel the same way you do. I also feel that Richard and Cindy had something to do with Bill and I meeting.

  9. I never thought that I would or could date again. I met a guy at the support group I was going to. We have a lot in common. We like the same things. We both have lost the loves of our lives. When people would ask if we were dating, I would tell them that I didn't know what to call it. I was afraid of what my kids would think. Would they be upset? There were so many emotions involved. A couple of months ago when we started to get close, I told him that I didn't know if I was ready for a relationship. I didn't know if he was either. We took things slow. We did enjoy talking with each other and  having someone that understood exactly what we are going through. We talk a lot about lost loved ones. And it is ok. We will never stop talking about them. Do we still love them? of course we do but they are no longer here. We have to continue to live this life. Is it hard and weird? Yes, it is but I know Richard would want me to be happy.

    • Upvote 8
  10. Marie,

    It has been 14 months for me. I have met someone too. He lost his girlfriend of 20 years. We met at a support group. The support group was only for 8 weeks. After it was done This guy and another women from the group and myself and my daughter have been going bowling once a week. For me there was some kind of connection between us the first time I met him. I wasn't looking for it, it just was there. There have been so many emotions over this. At times I ask myself if I'm ready for this. Is he ready for this. Then I was worried how my kids would feel about this. Right now we are just taking things slow and getting to know each other. It feels so right when we are together. Not sure where this will lead to. I am happy to have him as my friend and someone I talk to about anything including Richard. He understands. He understands when I'm having a bad day. I'm just taking it day by day.

    • Upvote 4
  11. Glad you went Marg!

    I also went to a support group a couple of months ago. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. It was local at a women's house. She lost her young son about 6 years ago. It was for 10 weeks once a week. After it ended we decided to keep in touch. For the past couple of months 2 of the people from the support group plus me and my daughter have been going bowling on Thursday nights. The one guy is 7 years younger than me but in so many ways reminds me of Richard. We have really made a connection. We talk everyday. I never ever thought that I would be able to have feelings for someone else. Tonight I had a breakdown before going bowling. When I got there this guy knew something was wrong. He talked to my daughter and she told him I was really having a hard day. He hugged me and told me it was ok. Gosh, how it felt so good to have that hug from someone. Gosh this is so hard. It is nice to be able to have someone that understands. I'm just not so sure how my older daughter will take this. My younger daughter really likes him and I think she is ok with this.

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  12. I used to love this time of year. Not so much anymore. I ended up buying one of those pencil trees just so it wouldn't take too much to decorate. I only decorated because of my daughter that is 17. Last Sat. was her 17th birthday. The couple of years before Richard passed, he started a tradition of taking her to the big mall that is 45 minutes away for her birthday and would let her pick out whatever she wanted. Last year and this year, I carried on that tradition. It was hard but I did it. Almost had a breakdown on the escalator in one of the stores though. There was a couple around my age in front of us and they were holding hands. It made me very sad that I don't have that anymore. Richard always held my hand. :(

    • Upvote 5
  13. 1 hour ago, rdownes said:

    Thank you so much Mitch and George  it definitely helps in knowing that we are not alone in this journey it just breaks my heart what has brought us together, I thought I was finding my way, thought I was doing ok but I don't feel that anymore, I know I have my love for Kevin and I know he still loves me but Mitch you are so right sometimes that love can bring to much pain, it hurts so much at times that there is no word to describe it, but we keep going, I just feel beyond broken lately hugs to all.

    I know what you mean when you said you thought you were doing ok but not anymore. That kept happening to me. I have been feeling and doing a little better these past 2 weeks. I'm hoping I keep going in this direction.

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  14. 7 hours ago, Marg M said:

      I have come a long way without him in this past year.  I have to push myself, and if it were not for my granddaughter, I probably would just sit in one chair 24/7.  

     

    I have come a long way in the past year as well. I think your granddaughter is about the same age as my youngest daughter. She keeps me going. Otherwise, I would probably sit forever as well. I swear, she is so much like my mom! She will tell me what I need to do at times. Sadly, I usually do it. LOL.

    • Upvote 1
  15. Kat,

    I totally understand how you are feeling. That is the best news! I had something similar happened just last week. It all started at the end of Sept., when I realized that I never received my lump sum death benefit from social security. Something made me go to their web site. For some reason I started looking at the rules for survivor benefits for children. You see, last year when I first went to a lawyer, he told me that I could not get benefits for my daughter because she was Rich's step daughter. Well that is not always true. I called my local office the next morning. They told me I had to go in there on Oct. 28. Last Thursday, I received a 6 month back pay for her. She will now start receiving benefits until she graduates high school. I felt just like you are feeling right now. It was a big relief. No more stressing about how I'm going to provide for her needs.

    • Upvote 7
  16. It's after 1am here and I should be sleeping. It's officially Nov. 5. The dreaded day one year ago that Richard passed. This has been a hard week. Almost as bad as last year at this time. Everyday thinking back to last year at what was going on. Thank goodness I was off work today or actually yesterday(Friday, Nov. 4). I took my daughter to school. Got home and turned the radio on because the silence was killing me. Richard's favorite song came on, Chicken Fried by Zak Brown Band. Totally lost it. Spent most of Friday crying and sleeping. My daughter and I took red roses to put on Richard's grave. After we get up in the morning we are going to take a drive about an hour away. We are planning on taking a scenic train ride in honor of Richard. That is something he would have loved to do. He loved trains. This is a picture of Richard from my older daughters wedding on Oct 9,2015.

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    • Upvote 5
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