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Polly

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Everything posted by Polly

  1. I have not decorated for Halloween. I didn't last year either because this time last year is when things started happening to Richard. Last year my daughter made me decorate for Christmas. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't even bother but I don't want to ruin it for her. She is almost 17 and I know I don't have much more time with her living at home. I'm sure once she graduates she will be ready to spread her wings. I'm not looking forward to that because then I'm going to be all alone.
  2. Marg, I can see why that is one of your favorites. It brought a smile to my face.
  3. Praying for sweet little Gracie and you and your family.
  4. I lost my husband 11 months ago. My youngest daughter is 16 so she still lives with me. I hate when she goes and spends the night at a friends house or her adult sisters house. Those nights are really hard for me. I keep thinking that when she becomes an adult and moves out that it is going to be really hard for me. I used to love my alone time. Now I hate it.
  5. I don't want to be Ms. Fix it either! Although I'm pretty good at it. Most of the time. I have to say in the past 11 months that I have fixed a lot of things that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do. My 25 year old step son was kind of shocked about a few of them. I hate asking for help. Although today I finally go around to cleaning the pellet stove to get it ready for when I need to start it up. I still need to clean the pipe. I have never done it myself. Last year my step son always did it for me. I thought about trying to do it myself but my daughter told me to ask Kyle (my step son). So I guess I will ask him to do it. ugh! Does anyone else hate having to do all these things that their loved one did? I know I do. I hate having to take the trash down to the end of the driveway every week. I hate taking care of all the outside stuff. I hate cleaning the litter boxes. I always say to myself, this is NOT my job!!!! but now it is. I just hate it!
  6. Oh I felt like I could have cried all day but I was at work and I don't like to cry in front of people. My co-workers tried to stay away from me. They knew I was not in the mood.
  7. Mitch, Thanks. I sure hope so. I'm only at 10 and a half months.
  8. Yesterday as I was driving to work Garth Brooks song, "The Dance" came on the radio. It made me burst out crying. Got to work and tried to pull myself together. It didn't really work that well. I was supposed to work from 830am-2pm then I was to leave and go to a meeting an hour and a half away. This meeting was for people that they feel should move up in the company. As the day went on I was still in a horrible place. I just wanted to go home. When 2pm rolled around, instead of leaving for the meeting I went into the office and just told the Asst. store mgr the truth. I fought back the tears but told her there was no way that I was in a good place to go. I told her that if I can't give 110% that I wasn't going to try to move up in the company right now. She told me I didn't have to go. It's crazy how 1 song pulled me down for the whole day.
  9. Butch, It must be that kind of day. I'm really struggling right now as well. I also feel guilty that I didn't push 2 different hospitals that brushed off Richard's pain and did absolutely nothing to check to see what was causing his back pain. Not sure if it would have made a difference or not. I hate going to bed each night. I miss him being beside me and holding me every night.
  10. I'm starting to think that you all here are my only friends. Or should I say my only friends that get it. I was just on FB and I have 7 friends that also have psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis that we have a group chat everyday. We have had this daily group chat for years. I find myself lately just reading about their day and not responding much. some days not at all. I feel like I can't really say what I want to say because I don't want to sound like a "Debbie Downer". Some days I do tell them about my day or how i'm feeling. Today one of them was saying about how bad her year has been. I just wanted to post, " really? you should be thankful that you still have your husband." another one was just complaining about not be able to sleep because her husband was snoring. That brought me to tears. I wished my husband was snoring right beside me. The worst is when I do say something and they tell me that things will get better. Really? How is it going to get better? How do you tell your friends that you are hurting so much and it doesn't go away?
  11. I did one of the hardest things almost 3 months ago. I traded in Rich's Dodge Nitro and my truck for a brand new Jeep Cherokee. My truck was 10 years old and the suv was 9 years old. I had to do it. They both needed repairs and I simply couldn't keep up with both of them. I thought about it for months. Finally just decided that I needed to do it. It was hard. Almost cried when I was in the dealership. I think it helped me get a good deal though. I know Richard would have been happy for me. It was the first time ever that I bought a brand new vehicle by myself. Marita, I'm so sorry about your horse. (((HUGS)))
  12. (((((HUGS)))))) I know how hard this day is for you. Conner is very handsome.
  13. I have to say that I'm very close to my mother and father in-law. Although my mother in-law thinks I need a new man to take of me. (rolls eyes.) I'm also very close with one of my sister in laws and her husband. Rich's brother and sister that lives on both sides of me, I'm sure they would help if I asked. It would have to be a last resort for me because they never really cared about me when Richard was alive. My step-son will do anything for me. If he can't, he will find someone that can. Richard's ex-wife and her boyfriend would help me if I asked them also. I am thankful for that because all my family lives 4 hours away.
  14. I wish I did too. Well, I have had several things happen in the past but not in awhile.
  15. Marg, I'm going through the same thing. It was this time last year when Rich started complaining about his back hurting. We both didn't think much of it because we both have psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. My oldest daughter messaged me on Monday night and told me that she was really having a hard time about her step-dad not being here. I thought about it and then it hit me. We are coming up on her wedding anniversary and that has triggered her grief. Richard proudly walked her down the aisle. I gave her the number to the hospice bereavement dept. and she called the next day and went and talked to someone. I also signed up yesterday for a grief support group that will meet nearby starting Oct. 5. It's every Wed. evening for 8 weeks. The lady that is running it, lost her young son in a terrible accident about 6 years ago. She almost lost her husband at the same time. Nicole and I joined a gym a few weeks ago. I have been taking it slow because of the arthritis though. I just figured it was better than sitting here doing nothing in the evenings. It takes my mind off of things......until we get back home. Terri, I also have that problem of people saying stupid stuff about my weight loss. It's like we don't know we lost the weight. I usually just say, "I know and my dr. isn't concerned about it." I've lost about 30lbs in the past 10 months. I have leveled off at 120lbs. I had to buy all new clothes and I have a terrible time finding pants small enough!
  16. Exactly! Today is a hard day for me. Not only is today 10 months but also a holiday. I don't usually get many holidays off but I am off today. I keep thinking how happy that would have made Rich. He hated that I worked weekends and most holidays. We didn't have many days that we were off together but when we did we enjoyed them so much. I have been trying my best to go and do things but they just are not the same. I try not to upset myself about it but we all know how that goes. My daughter and I joined a gym recently. The other night when we were driving back home from there she said to me, "We never would have joined the gym if Rich was still here." And she is probably right. So I guess I am trying to move forward and find my way. It's just so hard sometimes though.
  17. Butch, I am so sorry. I'm really lost for words. Just know we are here for you.
  18. I lived in Orlando in 2004. My girls both get freaked out now if it gets really windy. It brings back those memories of the hurricanes that year. Now I live in Pa. Hopefully we will only get a little bit of wind and a little bit of rain. Didn't watch the 11pm news. hopefully it's still staying south of us.
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