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Everything posted by Polly

  1. Tideland, I'm so sorry about your husband and everything that happened. I lost my husband very quickly. It took the hospital 7 days to figure out what was wrong. Richard was gone 46 hours later. It was all so shocking and overwhelming. No time to process any of it. It has been 9 and a half months since that day.
  2. Yep, the sadness is always there. No matter how hard I try at times to go and have some fun, the sadness is still there. I also at times have someone at work ask me if I'm ok. I usually say something similar to what you did Mitch. Then I think to myself, does my grief really show that much? I guess it does.
  3. Butch, You are not crazy. I worry about when my youngest daughter turns 18. She is my mini-me. I know once she graduates from high school that it won't be long before she moves out. That scares me because then I will be alone. I hate nights when I let her spend the night with a friend or her older sister. Well I have 2 years before this could happen.
  4. Joyce, I'm a little late replying but just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. I know how hard today must have been for you.
  5. Terri, So sorry it's been 1 thing after another. I hate when that happens. Although I'm pretty good at fixing most things. I have really shocked my step-son in the past 9 months. He always tells me to call or text him if I need help with something. He does cut my grass for me. I have no clue how to use that lawnmower. that thing is huge. It's called the tank. LOL.
  6. Marg, So sorry to hear about your mom. Sending you a big hug!!!
  7. Today is 9 months for me. I'm trying to stay busy but that is hard. I think I need someone to give me a push out of this chair. This sucks.
  8. I have to say that when I moved from Florida to Pa with my 2 girls to be with Richard it was hard at first. It took some time for everyone to adjust. We got married less than 2 years later. Things were pretty good but Richard was a drinker. Like he drank beer everyday. As the years went on it got to the point that he would come home from work and drink a lot in a short period of time. I never really realized how much he was drinking until things got bad. Then I started to try to take notice to how many beers he was drinking and I was shocked. The night of my youngest daughters 14th birthday we went out to dinner. That night after we got home he said he wasn't feeling well and wanted me to take him to the ER. I did and they ran some tests and wanted to keep him but he refused and wanted to come home. He wanted to come home because he couldn't drink if he was in the hospital. Well a couple of days went by and he wasn't any better. I remember it was a Thursday and I needed to go to the store. He was in the basement(which is where his man cave was and his beer). I came down to tell him I was going to the store and he was drinking and tried to hide it from me. I told him that if he keep drinking that it was going to kill him and I left. By the time I got home he decided that it was time to stop. and he dumped all the beer down the drain. The next morning I took him back to the ER. This time he agreed to stay. He had pancreatitis from the drinking. He was in really bad shape. He spent a week in the hospital and I didn't know if he was going to make it. He did. When I brought him home he could barely walk because he was so weak. This is when I had to tell him that he could never have another drink or else it would kill him. He never did have another beer. He wanted to live. He was so proud of himself and so was I. I loved the sober Richard. Then exactly 1 year and 11 months later he was gone.
  9. I'm right there with you -Robin, Joyce and Gin. This past week has been awful. I'm having anxiety over the fact that this Friday is the 9 month mark. I've been so depressed that I can barely make myself do the everyday things that need to be done.
  10. Patty, Sending you a big hug!!!! I know tomorrow will be hard but like you said, it's what you need to do for the business.
  11. I still sleep in our bed. I still usually sleep on my side of the bed. When I roll over towards Rich's side of the bed, I usually grab his pillow and hug it.
  12. I feel the same way. I should be in bed. I hate going to bed.
  13. I have had unexplainable things happen since Richard has passed. The most recent one happened the other day. My daughter and I were getting ready to go somewhere. I was standing in the kitchen waiting for her. I was facing the living room and the temperature on the a/c unit kept going back and forth between 73 and 74. Nicole walked out to where I was and I pointed to it. She saw it going back and forth. I said, "it's Richard!". Sure enough it stopped. I think it was his way of letting us know he is with us.
  14. I agree with everything Kay said. I only have 1 daughter at home now. She is 16 and has made the comment to me that she doesn't want me to be with another man. Luckily for her, I have no desire to be with anyone else. I do go out occasionally with a friend. I think it's good to go out with another adult from time to time. Also as Kay mentioned, in a few years my youngest will probably be leaving the nest and then I'm going to be alone. I do worry about that a lot. I was so looking forward to it being just Rich and I and now I'm dreading when that time comes.
  15. Marg, I wish I could give you a big hug right now.
  16. I really try to do fun things and stuff that I enjoy. It's just not the same. Sometimes I do have a good time for a little while but then it just goes back to the sadness. I just got back from the beach yesterday. The 1st day we got there, it was just me and my 16 year old daughter. Shortly after we were walking the boardwalk, it hit both of us. I thought we both were going to have a breakdown. We didn't have Rich there making his jokes and having us laughing. The next day 3 of my sisters and my daughter and her husband got there. We did try to have fun and at times we did but at the same time I just kept thinking about Rich and how much he loved family time. It's just so hard.
  17. Enjoy the weekend Butch. Hope you have a safe trip home. Nicole and I are leaving in the morning for the beach. We will have tomorrow to ourselves. My older daughter and husband plus 3 of my sisters, brother in law and my oldest sisters grand daughter will arrive on Sunday. I'm excited but also my heart is aching at the same time. Richard loved our vacations. He looked forward to spending that time with us. I'm also nervous about making the drive. Richard always drove us. Not sure why I'm nervous because I have made many trips by myself.
  18. The beach is my favorite place. I'm heading there myself on Sat. Gracie is adorable. Enjoy your time at the beach.
  19. Yes. I was tired when I wrote that. For the past several years Rich has taken us to this big truck show and they have monster trucks. My favorite. Nicole and I are going on Saturday.
  20. Lots of emotions going on in my head right now. It's been 8 months since Rich has passed. It seems like yesterday but also seems so long ago. My 16 year old daughter has been pushing me to go through things in the house. We have been going through things in the basement. (that was his man cave). We are getting rid of a bunch of stuff. My daughter told me that we can't do anything with his train table. She wants to leave it as it is. So for now...it stays as it is. We have spent so much time in the basement that I have let the main part of the house go. We are leaving on Thursday morning to go visit my family that lives 4 hours away. So tonight after work I spent hours trying to clean and get laundry washed. I'm exhausted. I still need to take care of the bills and clean my bedroom after work tomorrow and pack. We are staying with my sister and leaving her house on Sat morning to go to the truck that Rich has taken me to for the past several years. I know it's going to be hard to go but I know he would want me to go. Then the following Sat, we leave for the beach. That is going to be really hard too. Also my step son that I was worried about because he hasn't been coming by and keeping up with cutting my grass like he told me he would, texted me earlier today. He told me that he hasn't forgot about me. He came over this evening and cut the grass. After he was done he came in and talked to me. He is going to come over tomorrow and help me get this stuff down to the end of the driveway for the trash man. I think I just worry to much. Rich's son is so much like him. I love that. When we were texting back and forth earlier, I swear one of his replies is exactly what Richard would have said. It made me laugh. I miss him so much. He always had a way of saying or doing things that kept us laughing.
  21. HUGS!!!!! Seeing how it's after midnight, today is 8 months for me. I also have been feeling so alone lately.
  22. Yes, I'll have to try better next year. I worked today. Came home and worked on cleaning up the basement. Trash man is going to love me this week. making progress with the clean up. Although I still have a lot more to do.
  23. My sister lost her husband over 6 years ago and it's not any easier for her. It will be 8 months for me in 3 days. Not many people ask how i'm doing anymore. Rich's son has stopped coming over to check on me. I think that hurts me the most. We both said we would be there for each other and help each other get through this. Maybe he is just struggling with this too. I really just need to talk to him.
  24. Butch, I was just going to post the same thing. I am so lonely. My daughter has been at her friends house since last night. She isn't home yet. I hate being here by myself. This is awful.
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