So me and my wife have been married for almost 2 years. From the beginning my parents and her parents did not get along great. 2 different personality types. Mostly the mothers. Essentially, in August of last year, my mother in law woke up jaundiced. At the same time, my wife was in her 2nd trimester. After a diagnostic procedure to see what was going on with my MIL, she suffered a stroke. At this point, I told my wife to fly out to the west coast to be with her family and her mother. We get set up wtih an OB, switched insurances and my wife stayed out with her mother to help care for her while I stayed back to run my business. The baby was born in December and I flew out the week before and stayed for 6 weeks in their house. Her mother got worse and worse with us in the house and a newborn baby. My mother in law was able to be there for the birth of our first child. In Feb, my MIL passed away from cancer after although a short amount of time, very rough ending of her life. My wife and her mother were the closest unit you can imagine. Attached at the umbilical cord, My wife can't pick out an outfit wihtout her mom. During this time, my parents flew to west coast to see the baby and her mother after she was born along with my brother and sister, flew out to for the funeral, watched our dog for 6 weeks in december, and covered for me at work for weeks(me and my father work together).
Heres where it gets interesting,
Now that my wife and child are home, my wife has shunned my parents. She has come home SOOO angry at my parents. She has a laundry list of "horrible " things they have done. These are not new issues. My wife has issues with my parents being "flakey." My mother has been dealign with medical issues of her own and has cancelled on numerous occasions for not feeling great. My parents arent even aware of how they have offended her. My wife is SUPER sensitive but only to my parents. She even admits that everything they do pisses her off. She describes them as selfish and knieving. My parents have been great to us during this time in my opinion for the above stated reasons. In addition, my father as my employer has paved a career for me that most people would drool at the opportunity to have. They have been more than generous to both me and my wife! At this point my wife has made it so awkward becasue i'm afraid she will lash out at my parents if we are around them. I want my parents to experience their newborn first granddaughter and they are crushed that my wife feels the way towards them that she does. I don't know how to handle it, I tried bringing this up last night to simply express how I feel and she burst into tears and demanded we not talk about it. When I got home from work, she acted like nothing happened and was in a "playful" mood. Overall, since the death, my wife rarely reveals her feelings to me or cries even though i know she is reeling inside. The only time she does, its not a conversation but more of a cry of "why did this happen". I'm in an awkwawrd place, because she is pushing my parents away. She does not see that they are people too and can only take so much insult themselves. She doesn't take their feelings into account. I don't deny my wifes feeelings have been hurt, but i almost feel like she is pushing them away because she is sad her mom is gone. I was hoping it would be the other way around where she would return and see them as a source of suport. On the other hand, i don't want her time of grieving to be focused on these issues with my parents. I'm stuck in the middle and it's killing me. Has anybody dealt with this before? Its such a sensitive subject and i want to let my wife grieve and not deal wtih this, but i worry her anger grows by the day towards my parents. PLEASE HELP!
