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MariesGirl1953

Contributor
  • Posts

    8
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    extremely close. I love & miss you forever mam xx
  • Date of Death
    28 October 2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Positive Ageing / Age Action

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Dublin Ireland

Recent Profile Visitors

439 profile views
  1. Yeah. She did have a funeral, she looked so incredibly peaceful, but I don't think I can ever ever go through that process again. Having to see another person in a coffin/casket its too heart wrenching. I couldn't go over to her... I couldn't do it, until my husband gently took my hand an walked me over. I also think what makes it so much worse is the room in the funeral home was huge and the coffin was placed at the very end of the room, with a table and a candle & a photograph of my mam nearly displayed on it. I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I couldn't do it. But when I did.... The amount of pain and guilt I felt for not being there with her will go to the grave with me.... I can't sleep at night because I keep seeing her the way I saw her in the coffin.... Yes she looked absolutely stunning and incredibly peaceful and pain free... But it wasn't her... It wasn't my mam.... She's still here.... I'm just waiting for her to come home or call or text me.... I constantly text her phone waiting for her to reply.... And I'm still waiting......... I'm sure she'll reply soon. Also I have horrible intruding images of her last moments she is in pain and calling for me to help her.... Why didn't I just go down to her and my dads house? Why? Why? WHYYY???!!!!! If I had have done she will 3000% still be here today. She will. I know she will. She isn't dead, she just away on holidays somewhere.... I can't wait to see her She lived in Wicklow for a very short time. She's originally from Finglas, North Dublin. She is my everything. Over 300-400 people came to her funeral and she had only known a handful of them for a very short time. [People in Wicklow] and she had hundreds of friends. That proves, that her outstanding legacy will live on forever... My amazing, kind hearted beautiful mam, I love you beyond words and I miss you forever xxxxx I can't wait to see you soon, so please come and take my hand and we can be together.... I love you my sweet angel xoxoxoxo <3
  2. Hi Kyac and MartyT. Thank you both for your kind words, they really mean a lot. I hope you are both doing ok and I apologize for coming on here and moaning about everything. Some people have it a lot harder then I do. I know my dad is dealing with this in his own way - but for me its so so much harder and unbearable to accept. I never will expect that my mam is *dead* I just simply can't do it. I have been going to a grief counselor but as I'm going to the UK, London in about 5-6 weeks for a few days I want to save for that. I'm going to go back on the 23rd of May for a session before I head away on the 8th of June, then when I come home to Dublin, Ireland I'll go back to counsilling. I'm so messed up right now I just don't know what to do.... And MartyT thank you so very much for posting the articles. I had a look and will look again tomorrow for sure. I really appreciate it Hope you are both well, I'm going to head to bed in a few, night night, sweet dreams xXx
  3. My beautiful, amazing kind hearted, joyful, bubbly mam *passed away* on October 28 last year. It will be six months on Thursday and I still cant believe its actually happened/happening.... I'll do absolutely anything to have her back, be with her or go back and change things. I know myself I haven't even begun to accept her *death* to me she is in the grand canyon in utah the place she visited with my dad and she absolutely loved it beyond words. I'll do absolutely anything to have my beautiful coreagous mam back I miss her beyond life itself and can bearly function through out the days.. I need her back to tell her how much I adore, love and miss her. When my son does be in bed I sit and watch tv trying desperately to avoid the reality of this heart wrenching situation. My dad has her wedding & engagement ring. Since I'm an only child I think [and everyone in my family has said this too] that I should at least have her engagement ring. But my dad says its all he has left of her.... That's not 1 bit true he has so much stuff belonging to her, experience jewelry etc that he won't show me. All I want is one of her rings to wear around my neck on a chain.... He also has all of her money etc [that part doesn't bother me at all] im not interested in the money just how my dad is acting... I also know he is grieving but he told me he's gotten over my mam [his wife of 26 years!] And he's gotten over her!! He constantly gives out about her to friends etc that she never helped herself.. That's a LIE I saw how much pain she was in and she's under top consultants and I have also been to appointments with her. Including my dad. So I don't know what the **** he is talking about. I always made sure she was ok and of I had have been there I know 2000% she'll be still here today... I love and miss her beyond words... I just want her back... I want to die and be with her.. I really really really do.
  4. Kyac I know exactly what you're trying to say and I see it now. When I was doing it I didn't realize it would actually hurt her more... I feel awful now... I know she is always with me and looking after me. I love and miss her so much more than anything
  5. I smoke cigarettes and slef harm.... I known its awful about the self harming but it relieves stress and I feel like I'm in control...
  6. Hi all - I'm a newbie just joined a few hours ago. I lost my beautiful mam on October 28 last year. It was so sudden and unexpected. Ill do anything to have her back. I want to die and be with her but I have my 4 year old son to look after and I have my husband. I feel. Extremely selfish about having these thoughts... But I don't know what to do... When I usually wake up around 6-7am I'd fall back asleep til maybe 1 or 2 in the afternoon! (I never go to bed early as I usually watch TV. Everything is recorded so I should really be going to bed at a reasonable hour) but I just can't. I'm up everyday with my son for school. But its just I don't have the motivation anymore to actually get out of bed. Be it with or without an alarm. The snooze button is pressed numerous times on my phone and then I eventually turn off the alarm and fall back into a deep sleep. Why am I like this??? I just want to be up early everyday. 7 on school days. 10 on weekends or holidays and no later. Would anyone please have any suggestions as how I can do this? Thanks so much My mam is my life. I havent even accepted her (I can't believe I'm writing this) *death!* I smoke, and have also began self harming as a way to block OR to *try* deal with the pain I'm in. I'm on anti depressants but they aren't helping at all. I am also on sleeping tablets (1mg) they don't f****** work either... I'm such a mess.... I just want my beautiful mam back. Shes my best friend, my whole life... My everything. She's my sons whole world. She absolutely Adora him and warships the ground he walks on. She has severe rheumatoid arthritis AMD struggled everyday. She's my everything. I want her back I miss her desperately. It feels like I'm in a horrible nightmare and need to wake up....
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