Sally

Bishop: I am so sorry you are going through so much pain. I lost my mother several years ago, which is when I found this forum at a time I was so, so sad I could hardly breathe. I want you to know that your mother will always be with you. My mother promised me before she died from cancer that she would never leave me. And she hasn't. It is hard to explain, but it is true. As time goes by, you will begin to notice many things that will encourage you, things that you know will be from your mother. Just pay attention. In the meantime, I can tell that your mother loved you very, very much by your message. I am a mother too who would want my children to go on and live a happy, full life. I am sure that is what she wants you to do too. Allow yourself to be sad. It's okay. But each day do one thing for yourself that will make you smile, no matter how little it is. And your mother will be smiling with you. God bless you, and I pray the peace of God fills your heart. Sally

I have to go to my brother's funeral in a couple days, and I can't seem to get it together. I can't stop crying and throwing up! I just can't believe he is gone! I feel so bad that we didn't stay in touch more and spend more time together. I loved him so much, though, even though we didn't get to see each other a lot. I need to get it together for his wife and kids and my sister and other brothers. I know he is with God. I know I will see him again. But I just can't stand it right now. How do you stop this overwhelming sadness from taking over?

I can't believe it. My brother just turned 51 on February 4. On February 26 his wife called us and told us he was in ICU with ARDS from pneumonia (it seems he had H1N1). He was in there for a month, and I went to see him twice. I thought he was getting better, but he suddenly took another turn for the worse and was gone last night. I am full of so many emotions and so sad for him, his wife, his kids. We have lost our father, mother, and a nephew and now our brother! I have two other brothers and a sister who are all down in South Carolina now. I had to stay here because I had to turn my grades in (I teach at a local college). I feel really guilty for not going down there again.

Bell: What a beautiful name! I am so sorry that you lost your father. Personally, I don't think 5 weeks is very long. I lost my father in 1993 and my mother in 2003. It took me a long time to get over it! You may think that others around you are over it, but people grieve in different ways. I think it is better that you are out in the open with your grief. I can tell you that you will recover. It will take time, but you can know a couple of things for sure that might help you. Your father still loves you because love never, ever dies! And you will be a stronger, even better person as you work through your pain. Finally, I don't think you have to "let go" after just 5 weeks! Give yourself some time, and find someone you trust to talk to about your pain. You may need to get some outside help because it might be too painful for your family members to deal with your grief on top of their own right now. Take good care of yourself and just keep being the beautiful person your Dad believed in. God bless! Sally

Hi Kimber. This is Sally. You emailed me about a week ago concerning me losing my faith after my mother died November 14th. I am just wondering how you are doing. I can relate to much of what you have been discussing in your emails. There is not much I can add to what others have said. I think it is wonderful that you have the locket. I would have loved to have a remembrance like that from both my father and mother. I can also relate to all the "lost" feelings. One thing I think I am figuring out, though, is that no matter what I think, feel or do regarding my grief (outside verbal or physical violence), it is normal for "me." In other words, there may be shared grief behaviors, but this is my own private grief that I have to work through in my own way. So I am letting myself go through it. I am giving myself permission to break down when need be as well as to hold it together when need be. I hope this makes sense to you. I am keeping you and your mother in my prayers. I was there with my Mom when my Dad died ten years ago. She may seem really lost for awhile, but with you by her side, I am sure she will be ok. The thing is Kimber, is that it is obvious that you are a wonderful, compassionate person. What a testament to your parents. Your father's love and kindness lives on through you. God bless you and have a peaceful holiday. I guess I did have something to add!

Hans and Alice: I was so happy to read both your responses-not because you are suffering (especially you Alice), but because I felt so connected with others in my grief. This gave me some much needed strength right now. I am still struggling, but I am becoming calmer. I do believe in God in my heart of hearts. I have had too many "miracles" in my life occur, including during my mother's illness. I think that if one believes in the goodness of God, then one will probably face the fact the evil exists too. With that in mind, I think there is a great "discourager" just as there is a great "Encourager" surrounding us at all times. I think that I have been muddled in this discouragement, but I am beginning to lift out of it. God has always been faithful to me, so I will remain faithful to him, even in my moments of great sadness and anger. I think it is ok for us to question His existence when we witness things like death. It is normal. I think death is an ugly thing. In fact, I know it for sure now. That is why eternal life is so special-we know what the opposite is. I hope this is making sense. I am trying to work this all out in my mind, heart and soul as I type these words. I do know that my mother always told me that she could not live without hope. She had great faith-not like some kind of fanatic. She was just so kind and accepting of people. She really believed that we came from something incredibly good. This is her legacy-one I can't turn my back on. I pray for all of you out there who are grieving. God bless you all. Please email me if you want to talk.

Hans and Alice: I was so happy to read both your responses-not because you are suffering (especially you Alice), but because I felt so connected with others in my grief. This gave me some much needed strength right now. I am still struggling, but I am becoming calmer. I do believe in God in my heart of hearts. I have had too many "miracles" in my life occur, including during my mother's illness. I think that if one believes in the goodness of God, then one will probably face the fact the evil exists too. With that in mind, I think there is a great "discourager" just as there is a great "Encourager" surrounding us at all times. I think that I have been muddled in this discouragement, but I am beginning to lift out of it. God has always been faithful to me, so I will remain faithful to him, even in my moments of great sadness and anger. I think it is ok for us to question His existence when we witness things like death. It is normal. I think death is an ugly thing. In fact, I know it for sure now. That is why eternal life is so special-we know what the opposite is. I hope this is making sense. I am trying to work this all out in my mind, heart and soul as I type these words. I do know that my mother always told me that she could not live without hope. She had great faith-not like some kind of fanatic. She was just so kind and accepting of people. She really believed that we came from something incredibly good. This is her legacy-one I can't turn my back on. I pray for all of you out there who are grieving. God bless you all. Please email me if you want to talk.

I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer on November 14, 2003. She was 75 years old. My sister and I basically took care of her with help from Hospice. I had lost my dad 10 years earlier, and I had had a very spiritual grief process. I had expected much the same, but I have been unpleasantly surprised. This time I was with my Mom when she died, which I was told was very peaceful (by the Hospice nurse). But it was horrible to me for some reason. At least that is how I am remembering it. I think I thought she would say something very profound, or she would see my Dad and say something, but she was totally out of it. She opened her eyes for a few moments and then died. All I seem to feel is anger. I have lost my faith. I don't know what is happening to me. I want some kind of proof that she is ok. She was the kindest, most real person I have ever known. I just can't seem to get my mind around it. I pray all the time, but I don't really believe it is going anywhere, or do I? I don't feel like doing anything. I am not making much sense, I know. Does anyone know what I am talking about?