I Don't Believe This

I have been keeping up with your story too. I know you recently passed six months of no contact. Do you intend to reach out to him at all or keep waiting? Personally I don't think I could keep waiting. It is gut wrenchingly painful to resist the urge to say things I know will make her feel pressured. To keep engaging in small talk day in and out but at least she is there. She knows I am here. She knows I am waiting for her to get through this... Even though there is a long road ahead of her. I am so lonely - especially here in Florida. I am in a very nice house, in a very nice country club gated community. All multi-million dollar homes. I have a home theater. I have a pool. I have a jacuzzi. I have everything but her, and her son. It really drives home just how important she is to me. To make it worse I am 15 miles from anything in the middle of the swamp. Someone had the idea to build a walled in country club compound in the middle of the swamp. It is like a gator filled moat with only one way in and out. Sure it is great for security but I choose not to drive. So I am trapped in this bastion of saturated humidity for the next few weeks. I escape my prison on August 15th. In two weeks I will fly back to southern Arizona and bask in the comfort of furnace like 115 dry heat. The thing that gets me the most about meeting her, was exactly how. This is going to sound creepy and stalkerish as can possibly be, but I saw a photo of her online. Nothing risque or pornographic - just her on a bicycle. And somehow that photo captured everything about her and blew me away. It was tagged in a manner that I could find her and so I reached out with a very simple introductory message. She responded we started talking and that was when we decided to register for a dating site to use the matching algorithms. (Geeky science nerd alert) We have no common history before I saw that photo. We grew up in different places in the world 2000 miles apart, she had moved north, I had moved south. We never went to school together. No connections what-so-ever except that moment and everything that has followed.

Kay, This is the very definition of how one becomes wise.

Yes my girlfriend has always has a little bit of anxiety about whether or not she deserves to be loved or happy. I know she would deny it, but I have heard her repeat things like, "I am just waiting to find out you are too good for me," or "You deserve better than me." But she trusts me and I know that she wants me in her life. Pile the grief on top of general anxiety and she is completely emotionally unavailable at this time.

I come from a camp where controlling is selfish. But that is just semantics. I agree with everything Marty is saying.

Good luck. I am sure others will chime in later. Protect yourself.

Regardless of the source and reason, (grief, fear of vulnerability) this is emotionally manipulative behavior. I would put a condition on the no contact that he seeks professional counseling. For example - don't contact me at all for 3 months. If after three months you are seeking professional counseling then we can talk. You mentioned drinking above. That is just self-destructive and will make all of this worse. I have heard that therapy has a stigma in the UK. I don't know if that is true, but if it is it might be a problem. Look at it this way. Take the three months and work on yourself. Make yourself someone better and more attractive that he will want to come back to. Not a doormat for him to manipulate while he feels bad. Also I completely get how you feel right now. I am going through it too - just slightly different conditions. No contact is hard.

In this case you need to cut off contact. Kay is who I call the wise woman of these forums and I am sure she will back this up. Just because he is going through a rough time it is no excuse to treat you poorly. I would give him one last message stating that the treatment is unacceptable and that for some specified period of time - 3 months, 6 months whatever you want no contact whatsoever. Then after that time reach out and see how he is doing.

Kay it is not often I say this, but after watching what I have been watching for the last few months. I think I understand the feeling of being surrounded by death. My heart goes out to you.

I found this a while ago. http://www.psychalive.org/7-reasons-most-people-are-afraid-of-love/ It seems that grief amplifies these behaviors. Because now you have a loss on top of behaviors that were already present. In the article I linked my girlfriend seems to have the most synergy with sections 1, 5 and 7. She fears the vulnerability, and she feels that right now our love is unequal. She feels guilty that I am in love with her when she is "Broken and she doesn't deserve me" (her words). This is terribly selfish behavior. You need to be strong enough to make a boundary on this. I think the only reason my girlfriend and I even have a chance is she does not do this. Otherwise I would have quit. My girlfriend wants me to get out and be happy. I went to my sisters for a few weeks and my sister dragged me out to parties. I didn't cheat on my girlfriend, she trusts me, and she was happy that I was out doing something fun rather than sitting around waiting for her.

Unfortunately this is very normal. If you read the other stories here you will see it is very normal. However, the stories here are all from people who have lost their loves so logically it would make sense to ask, "What about all the people who don't push away?" I have been doing a lot of research into this trying to figure out how to deal with my own situation. I have come to the conclusion that there this sort of behavior is linked to someone's attachment style. Some people avoid attachment to avoid vulnerability. Even before all the losses my girlfriend suffered I could sense a bit of insecurity in this area. Even though we loved each other. The stress of this situation just brought all of that to the forefront. She is still avoiding attachment - only much more intently. I do see her slowly coming back around but it is very slowly and even when there is a good day - for instance yesterday she seemed almost as if she was back to six months ago - I am still wary that she will suddenly change and push me away again. People with a more secure attachment style don't push others away. The trick I am finding is to understand her, understand her attachment style and be very careful about what I say and do. It is a strenuous activity. Not one I recommend unless you are really in this for the long haul. Every day I question why am I working so hard for her. Why don't I protect myself. Sometimes you need to protect yourself. Your boyfriend might also want to see a grief counselor.

We did have a nice light hearted text exchange tonight. No serious stuff. We played a few rounds of, "Would You Rather" Me: Would you rather look like Jar Jar Binks or talk like Jar Jar Binks? Her: Would you rather have no sense of taste or no sense of smell? Me: Would you rather never enjoy your favorite meal again or your favorite desert? Her: Would you rather show up to your next business meeting in a clown suit or be no call no show? Me: Would you rather lick the floor of a subway car or get licked in the face by all the strangers on the subway car? and so on.

I really don't know. I don't know how much of this trait is inflexible. I don't know how much it is impacted by her grief. I don't know how 10 years of marriage to a marginally reliable man has impacted this and whether she can accept that I am reliable.

Coming together as a team will be our challenge and our one incompatibility. I may have said some of this before. We were in a whirlwind romance. We feel completely for each other within the first two weeks. Our first date turned into 48 straight hours together. We both knew what we wanted in a partner. We both grilled each other for compatibility. We are both intelligent and simply listed all the questions we had for each other over a period of weeks and answered them. After a a short time together we both re-evaluated our views on soulmates, something we both assumed as skeptics that there was not really a single person for each of us. The compatibility is unimaginable. Opinions, Interests, Family, Children, Education, Wants for the future, everything is the same. She has been introduced to a few of my friends and they comment how she is like a female version of me. There were many guy jokes about how if we get married its like the ultimate expression of narcissism. Food - We like and eat exactly the same things. Not just we both like potatoes or we both like chinese food. But we order a cheeseburger exactly the same - Lettuce, Mayo, Double Cheese, Double Onion. We order pizza exactly the same. We can look at a menu at any establishment and choose each other's meal. I was able to go into a grocery store and choose all her favorite foods within the first week of knowing her because I just picked mine. On the times we have had takeout she calls me and says order food I will pick it up. She never tells me what to get her. Politics - we are identical on all issues. We even asked each other questions like - ME: What do you think that I would do to solve the California water crisis? and she would list 8 to 10 bullets and then come back with - What do you think I think about nuclear power? and I would answer correctly. We went onto OKCupid and made profiles so we could answer their questions and see what the match algorithm came up with. 3000 questions in 99% match 0% not match. It never gives 100% due to round down and a max of 99.99% When I went with her to her dads while she cared for him in his final weeks we sort of melted together. We spent two weeks living together in his house. It was easy. She took care of her dad, I took care of her and the house. We had nothing to fight over, no arguing, no adjustment to each other. We were together and it was familiar and comfortable. She even mentioned how strange it felt to be so comfortable with each other under such stress when other relationships she had in the past were never so easy. When I am near her I feel complete. My blood pressure goes down. My heart rate slows. I become healthier physically. I sleep better From 2500 miles away I have declined. My blood pressure was 120/85 in Montana and would go lower when she was near. (She joked - if I die grind me up into blood pressure medication) I checked it yesterday 150/110. I feel lethargic. I feel physical pain every day that I didn't feel before. I feel broken. I never knew before that a person could have that affect on me.

We were heading down that path before dad fell in April. We had discussed discipline, chores, holidays, neither of us really drink or smoke so non-issue. We didn't have a prenup drafted but we had major terms considered. I had agreed to adopt her son after his dad passes away. The big thing left really was money management and what I do for work. I just never had the chance to reveal all that to her.

The way she pushed for space through everything recently I think she might actually mean this. She asked me to leave Montana because she felt guilty I was there to support her. She has also asked if I would "Put a bullet in her" if she was sick enough. She really does not want to be a burden to anyone at all, but it limits her. She can't see that the strength of the team exceeds the sum of its parts. I do expect to ask her for couples counseling before we actually get married.

She has actually addressed this. She flat out told me that if she got cancer she would not want any help and want someone to leave her and not waste their life watching her decline. She would rather die alone than let someone watch.

The help I was talking about wasn't just financial. Even just doing things, like fixing hinges, ruffles her feathers. It is a bit frustrating to know that I could be making her life easier and giving her more time to focus on healing but she refuses out of stubborn independence. It is important to note that I have not confronted her or tried to bring it up at all since April because it would make things worse. I am just trying to figure out how to help her transition to being a member of a team. In March we discussed this and she admitted it would be hard for her to have a real partner in life because she has never had that. Her ex-husband was clearly never a useful member of the "Team". She also takes her independence so seriously that she never asks members of her family for help and finds help intrusive. As far as her dreams. She loves gardening. She has told me she would like to be the head gardener at a big public garden. I have always wanted to build my own custom home in the country on acreage - she has as well. This will be one of the first things I do in the next couple years. A couple weeks ago I designed a passive solar heated green house that can survive Montana winters and keep temperatures comfortable inside to allow growing year round. The greenhouse can accommodate hydroponics and solar panels to operate pumps. For the diabetes research when she said she always needed to work, I asked, "Well what would you do if you won a massive payout in the lottery?" She outlined the following path. Go back to school, get a degree in medicine without going for being a doctor Start a non-profit diabetes research foundation Use her medicine knowledge and business knowledge to run it I can make that happen - I can put her gardens and green houses at our future property and help her establish the foundation she wants to run. Things are lean right now. My partners and I are operating completely in the red and have been for two years. We have burned through about 5 million getting this operation going. But the light at the end of the tunnel is here and it is not a matter of if but when. And WHEN it happens I plan to offer her that path. I am concerned about scaring her away with such a large opportunity. I am finding bugs, toads, cranes, gators, armadillos, flamingos and many other critters. I don't think her son has a microscope - yet. I have all sorts of science stuff when we integrate families. An important date is coming up. Next Monday is a milestone in our relationship that eliminates terms of her custody agreement with her ex-husband. We will have been together long enough to scratch some of the more offensive and controlling terms off the list. I have flowers scheduled to be delivered at her office on Monday.

She has not entered the inpatient program. She is waiting on clearance for FMLA from work, insurance paperwork and so on. It may be a few weeks. She has been talking a lot more the last few days. Outwardly she is doing better. She has been calling me and I can hear it in her voice. She no longer has a monotone resignation when she talks. Getting back to our call schedule is nice. She calls me on her way to work in the morning and on her way home from work in the afternoon. Those are the two times she is alone and can talk. The remainder of the time she is at work, or making dinner for her son or otherwise busy. She texts when she is doing other things. Texting has increased a lot too. She is asking me more about my work. I am sending her pictures of strange swamp bugs and critters to show her son. I got a few up close gator pictures too. I am much more confident that she is going to hold on to our relationship. This confidence spurred the really big conversation below. She is starting to talk about kids again. Not in terms of when or planning one for us but just in general and how they are important to her. She is also starting to talk about the future with her son. Such as teaching him to drive and things she wants to do. She is also excited about my sister having a baby. She loves babies and is aware that if things went as originally planed she would be an aunt for the first time. I am not sure how this fits in with losing her sisters, one of which was trying to conceive when the cancer diagnosis came in. I do take care of myself. I walk 4 miles to a gym, workout for 90 minutes and walk 4 miles back. It is a total of about 4 hours of activity a day. Without it I would probably not sleep at all. We were talking ever so gently about the future. I have been very careful to try and keep all conversations day to day but she had been leaning that way in talking. I said to her, "I am trying to be very conscious of what I say, and not pressure you or say things that will bring on more grief feelings. Sometimes I have difficulty with this and I need feedback from you to know if I am screwing up. - Am I screwing up?" She replied, "No." And this brings me to the really big conversation. I finally had the chance to, in detail, lay out what I do for a living. We have known each other for almost a year and either due to time constraints or situation my work is complex and my conversations about work has always been in bits and pieces. What follows is not an exaggeration and I think I may have accidentally put some pressure on her but I couldn't cover the subject without this level of detail. I also know that this is likely an extension of the grief problems and relationships not likely seen on these forums. She is a businesswoman and entrepreneur who ran who her own business for six years. She had 10-15 employees, successful operations and the 80-100 hour work week that comes with operating a small business. When she became a single mom she realized that the lifestyle of being a businesswoman was not really conducive to her new role in single motherhood. She took the experience and bartered that into a very well paying state government job in her field where she has a 40 hour work week, fantastic benefits and retirement, and, in her words, she is someone else's HR problem. This is one of the many things that really attracted me to her. She and I have both got the same financial views and goals but she has a strategy that minimizes risk, I have a strategy that maximizes opportunity. Having the same views is critical to a relationship, but our differing strategies create a win-win team situation where she can hold down the financial fort while I take on the business world. In addition she has skills in wealth management, finance, investment and so on. Her mother is a professional financial adviser. In the first couple of months of dating I discussed projects. Armor project, server farm project. and so on. I gave her enough information so she knew it was real, but to get into details really does take hours. Since this ordeal started in April, we just haven't had the hours to sink into this sort of talk. Throughout the briefer talks in the past, or through out the usual how was your day talks, I have mentioned to her that a future together is likely to be highly successful and we would not have to worry about money. She had already brought up a prenup because she has significant assets of her own and we have both already agreed to certain financial concessions regarding marriage. So last night we had the business talk. She and I had been talking around it and I asked if she would like to hear everything. The whole big picture. I am only going to go into bullets here but it was about three - four hours of me explaining over text. She was totally silent. (We communicate a lot by text, before her dad fell we would send about 50 - 60 texts a day to each other) I have four partners - she has heard me talk about them but I explicitly described each of them. We have built a huge network (1000s of people) of young executives, investors, economic development agencies, market resources, university labs and government labs. We identify early stage technologies in labs, form agreements with the labs, pull the tech into a start-up, use our network to fill the company with executive team, investors, engineers and reach out to our marketing network The five of us are the primary strategists. We each specialize in different areas - Talent Recruiting, Finance/Investment, Marketing/Sales, Negotiations, Science and Engineering (ME). I am the gatekeeper reviewing every single technology we consider and we operate with labs globally. In the last two years I have reviewed over 20000 pieces of technology around the world. I work remotely in Europe, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Russia and more. I know where technology is being developed, who is developing it and where the front bleeding edge of technology lies on the entire globe. Each technology I approve of we pass through to the company building process. Each project she was aware of is actually a new start-up company. In two years we have built about 40 companies and have 30 more in cue right now and should be at 100 started by the end of 2017 Each technology that I approve of I own 5% of the equity in the new start-up. We fully expect a percentage of these companies to fail, but they are set up independent and if one goes down the rest continue forward. The probability of all of them failing is essentially zero. Of the 40 companies in our portfolio nine will be releasing products in the next 6 to 12 months. Two are being nibbled on for acquisition. We are in weekly talks with companies like Google, Microsoft, Boeing, Airbus, Lockheed, Dow and Dupont, GE. All we really need to do is keep turning the wheel and ride this bus forward. To get a picture of the scope of this One of the companies, I own 5% of, is likely to hit 10 billion in cumulative revenue over the first 10 years. That is Just one of what will become hundreds of companies over the next 3-5 years. So last night after detailing all the bullets I told her. "I know that I have spoken of projects and I know you understood that they were real and I was doing real work. Meaning I wasn't some unemployed person lying to you about some crazy stuff I am involved in or trying to sell you a pipe dream. But I am telling you all this because I want you to know just how real and how big the scope of what we (my partners and I) are doing. I want you to look forward to being my lifetime partner on this journey with the understanding that there is the very real and not far-fetched possibility that I hand you a multi-million dollar check to put into a fund for the both of us and ask you to manage it." She was completely silent for a long while and then I heard "I am still chewing on this." And eventually, 60 minutes later "It is late, I need to sleep, I will call you tomorrow." I know she was overwhelmed and will need a few days. Even if there wasn't grief she would have likely been overwhelmed. She called this morning. We had a good conversation - the same as we have been having. She will call again on her way home. She knows that what I was saying was not me asking her for an answer regarding the future, but me stating my intentions and vision. I won't pressure her for some sort of decision. I should also add that last weekend I offered to cover living expenses if she decided that she simply wants to take a year off work. She loves her job and she doesn't want to, but knows the offer is there if she decides she needs it. I don't think during that conversation she realized exactly how I could take care of that. So anyway I do have some challenges. She is independent to a point of fault. I admire her strong independent nature, but she will fail to accept assistance when she obviously needs it. I am not talking about taking a year off or going into an inpatient health facility to deal with depression, that is for her to decide if she needs it and she is doing that. I am talking about simpler day to day stuff. I need to get my pets washed, do chore x, do chore y. I say I can help you with some of that and I almost always get - Its not your problem I don't want help. Even though I know one of the things causing additional stress during these times is simply managing day to day life. I cannot do anything to make her grief go away but I could eliminate sources of stress. How do I help someone who is so fiercely independent realize that asking or accepting assistance and partnership isn't giving up independence or becoming dependent on someone? I know she fears being dependent on someone. I know she is doing the calculus in her head, while checking off boxes - Good dad, loves me, etc and now has to add to that stupidly successful and needs to reconcile this with her thoughts on independence. Is this the type of thing that could or would be addressed in couples counseling? I want to suggest it but not until after she goes through the inpatient program and I am back in the same state of course. I also thing couples counseling would help me better understand her grief. She has (in the past) told me that she needs something to do for work and she cannot simply be a stay at home mom. This is something I never asked of her, but she volunteered that she just needs a daily activity to keep her mind active. While we were blissfully planning the future she had given me some ideas as to what her dream opportunities would be. I am going to let this sit for a while and not talk about finance again until after the inpatient time. But how would you wiser women of these forums suggest that I approach her on maybe pursuing something that is more of a dream than a job (which she does enjoy) that is primarily to support her and her son.? Her job deals with workman's compensation claims and she has to deal with claims of people dying on the job and I know she struggles with that aspect of it. I want to be able to let her have the opportunity free herself from that and do something she truly loves. She is a type one diabetic and one of her "dreams" was to be sponsoring research into diabetes and diabetes technology. I can very easily make that dream a reality for her. I wish there had been a better way to bring this up with better timing. My life is hurtling forward fast. My partners and I could be selling two companies in the next six months at which point we will be fully capitalized and the machine will start accelerating. I can dole out some information to my girlfriend slower, pick and choose my moments, but there is a certain level of urgency to what I am doing in my business life that affects my personal life. I do believe that she is intelligent and strong enough to be able to suppress her grief in a manner to handle short conversations about the future. For instance last night I just told the story of my partners and I, and then at end gave one brief paragraph of where she fit in. One final thought.... Marty - sometime in the next year or two your website will get a substantial donation ChinUp - What are your favorite horse sanctuaries? This goes for you too Kayc. Do you have a favorite place that could use a donation in the next couple years?

She found a facility that will take her and her son. They would both be going together. She hasn't decided yet though.

UPDATE She has a phone again. Communication is back on. She is talking very vaguely about the future. It is encouraging to hear her talk as if she can see beyond what is happening now. We accidentally stumbled into a conversation about the future. Planning some future dates in Southern California. I was there on business and she was guiding me to some of her favorite places. I asked her to save some for when we can go together and the conversation kept on moving. After a few minutes I stopped the conversation. While she was a digital exile and we could not contact each other I sent her a card, a short hand written letter, and a little drawing I made for her. She has not received them yet. It was mailed Monday before I left Oregon and should arrive tomorrow. The letter is short, the card is a simple sympathy card in which I wrote a Tennyson quote, and the drawing is birds, she loves birds. No one else has passed away in the last few weeks, but life is still hard for her. She told me today that she is considering a entering an inpatient mental health facility for 30 to 60 days. I support the decision, but I also know it might be 30 to 60 more days of no contact. I am in Florida now. Farther away from her than I have ever been and I am so sad. I still cry for her every day and I have not slept a full night in almost three months now.

I don't know why they won't overnight. I didn't ask. As far a receiving an empty box, phones get stolen. I am not a member of the Apple cult and use Android phones on Verizon network. When I have a problem I go to the nearest Verizon store and they sort it out right there.

Her phone is completely dead and since she is a modern woman there is no land line, no internet connection in her house. Everything is done through mobile data on her phone. Thus no skype, no facebook, and so on. It is technology enforced no contact. But it is ok. We spoke on the phone Friday before her phone died, and then I got an email from her at work saying it was dead. The battery burned up and fried the whole phone. I did call her at work for about 30 seconds on Monday to tell her about the my sister's pregnancy. But today we talked for about 15 minutes. I had work news to catch her up on and wanted to tell her more about sister's baby beyond the quick YAY. Plus I have a series of business meetings in Orange County to schedule for next week. Orange County is where she is from and where she owned her own business for many years. So we talked about all her favorite places to have business lunches. I did ask how she is doing, her answer is "I am upright" and then she said, "I had queen - another one bites the dust - stuck in my head and it made me cry for three days" Apple "Sent" her a new phone but yesterday all that arrived was an empty box. So she had to go to her office, get apple on the phone, cancel the first request, make a new lost phone request and she will be without phone for another week or so. No Contact sucks. It sucks more when you are not really no contact and just trying to manage contact to minimize stress.

Once again, Read everything on this site. Read what Kay has post for you and read content on Reddit Relationship Advice and since you are a teen Reddit Teen Relationship Advice. You have come here to ask for help. Kay has 60+ years of life experience, I have 45 and instead of listening to the answers to your questions you are trying to argue with us and show us how we are wrong. You are young, immature and inexperienced. This is not a bad thing, it is just being 17. What you don't understand is that every day, there are new young "PERFECT" relationships like yours ending because they really are not perfect. You only think they are. If you take my advice and read through Reddit Relationships you will see how the pattern you are describing happens over and over. You both lost your virginity to each other. You are hooked on a fantasy. Your girlfriend probably felt problems before and tried to ignore them, but when her dad got sick it brought problems to the surface. Your best bet is to move on and find a new girlfriend. At 17 this seems like the end of the world but between now and the time you reach 25 you have a lot of maturing to do and you will not be the same person you are now. The probability of any teen relationship actually making it to age 25 is very very slim. What you want to do is experience as much life as you can and really learn how to be the best partner you can be for a woman. Then at age 25 start looking for a life companion. Hard questions.... If your relationship was "Perfect" Why did you fight and argue? Isn't that a contradiction? If your girlfriend dumped you that quickly and easily there are fundamental incompatabilities between the two of you. Maybe without a sick father you could have worked on them but she has shown that when the going gets tough she bails. Why do you want to waste time on someone who will dump you so easily? She dumped you. She made her choice. Regardless of the circumstances she has decided to cut you out of her life. You need to focus on yourself and focus on the future and forget about the past. Go to the gym. Lift weights and exercise. It will really help. I am in a difficult situation with my girlfriend, but as I noted above. We are still in a relationship. We are separated by distance. I am specifically not talking about the future and about our relationship. I will admit I slip a little every now and then, but in general I am following the advice in the post Kay made from Loveshack. If my girlfriend gives up on us. I will follow the same advice I am giving you here. I will move on and not look back. Because that means she has thrown me away. I won't even try to be her friend because I know my feelings for her will linger inside of me for a very long time.

In addition go to Reddit Relationship Advice and read about clingy insecure behaviors and how they affect relationships. The more you post here the more I see the relationship issues you have and red flags you clearly raise. How old are you? I am guessing less than 24.

If you read the stories here you will find large amounts of helpful information from the perspective of the women on these forums. That information can help you to understand how your ex-girlfriend is feeling right now. I am going to give you the perspective from a guy. Call this a dose of harsh reality. Your girlfriend is going through a life changing event. Who she was before is not who she will be later. She is NOT thinking about you. She is NOT missing you. At least not at this time. Maybe she will in the future but not right now. You are putting forth a desperate, insecure, series of actions and thoughts. No woman wants a man who is desperate and insecure. Women want a man who is confident and secure. If you cannot suck up your feelings and take control yourself you will only prove to your ex-girlfriend that you are not the confident secure man she needs. Further more she rejected you. I guarantee that she was considering breaking up with you before she actually did. Her reasoning of breaking up because you were being controlling is not because her dad is sick. That behavior is all on you and you were probably triggering feelings of red flags before dad's illness. It just came to the surface when she was stressed. It is almost always easier for the dumper to move on than the dumpee because the dumper has already been thinking about leaving and typically takes the dumpee by surprise. You have got to look at this as a learning experience and move forward. Look back at your behavior in the relationship and figure out all the little things you did that pushed her away and then not do that again when you find another chance with another girl.