rdownes

Hello to anyone who remembers me music is my coping skill found a song by Linkin Park called " Leave out all the Rest" my husband passed away from a drug overdose and the song makes me think of how he would want me to remember him please listen

Hello to everyone I have been gone awhile, learning how to live this new life without my Kevin, attempting to find some sense of happiness again to learning how to live again and trying to learn to love again, I remember when I first found this site I was lost and broken everyone made me feel so welcome and understood and helped me learn to find my way in this horrible journey of grief for that I will forever be grateful, I this past year have decided to try and find love again though hard because I compare everyone to what I had with Kevin and I will never have that again but I hope for a different kind of love, so tomorrow is Christmas and once again get bombarded with empty sad emotions of another Christmas without him, it sucks and it hurts, to everyone out there my heart goes out to you for your loss and I hope we all find our way hugs to everyone

Found a song wanted to share I love and miss you Kevin forever by Marie Olsen called Now. You Belong to Heaven

I remember 5 months like it was yesterday today marks one year for me and unfortunately I can not say things will get better because everyone's grief is unique and their own personal journey I can say I know your pain your feeling of emptiness, your feeling of oh god another day without them this new world new life we didn't ask for sucks and is beyond hard it truly does feel like at least for me it gets worse before it starts to get better. I still have my hard days but my good days definitely out way the bad now I have learned to live through Kevin to keep him in my heart in all I do he to this day will always be a part of my soul do in that sense I will always have him. I truly hope everyone is able to find their peace and live on with their loved ones love right by their side I know easier said than done when your heart in broken in pieces hugs

Well today marks the day that changed my life forever, a year ago today for what ever reason you were taken from this earth, taken out of my life physically, I still remember the day like it was yesterday the paramedics telling me I am sorry mam he is gone I have dreaded those words ever since, it has been a long year one I don't even know how I survived sometimes, some days I didn't want to survive, but I kept going I kept you love in my heart and soul where it will forever stay helping me face each new day no natter how difficult it has been a long road to this point full of millions of tears and sleepless nights but through it all I would do it all again I was blessed to of had you in my life for 26 amazing years some people will never know a love like ours and I feel bad for them because even though I lost you physically you spirit lives on inside me forever, your memory will live on forever, you will live through me and your children, so know that you are loved beyond words, missed beyond measure and you will forever have my heart until we meet again, you are my forever love Kevin!!

ABC my heart goes out to you I have not been around in months I have been slowly finding my way using what I learned from this amazing site and people you are not invisible people outside of our circle just don't understand and never will unless unfortunately they experience it , I am slowly learning and accepting that yes I am a widow but I am also so much more I am a mother a friend , I am someone who has been touched by death and now appreciates life and the little things, you are not invisible or alone you will find your way and you have a family here who cares deeply hugs to you

Thank you all I still consider you all family if not for you I would have lost my way. I would not say I am at total peace I don't know maybe one day I just know I can make it through everyday now I don't feel completely hopeless anymore I am not completely happy and again maybe one day or not but I can smile at things again and not feel bad about it, I am deciding that Kevin's death will help me through life not hold me back anymore if that makes sense. I owe you all alot and will always be forever grateful

Hi everyone I have not been on here for months I have not forgotten be this site and all the wonderful people who helped me in my darkest days, I have been trying to find my way . Kevin will be gone a year in May never thought I could say that without crying but I can now somehow I have realized my life will go on with or without Kevin whether I want it to or not, I have accepted him being gone now, I noticed the saddness is gone for the most part I have not really lost it in months I do still feel lonely sometimes but it doesn't consume me anymore I guess I have just learned to live life again hope everyone is OK and my heart is always with you guys

I am trying so hard to remember Kevin's love to remember how I felt/feel about him I don't want to disappoint him or dishor him or his memory in anyway but these stupid being alive urges won't go away I feel so lost.

I haven't been on in a few days and I am not proud of why I need some help words of wisdom a reminder of who I am or was I am posting some thing that I am not proud of remember my post about lonely well few days ago I posted on Craigslist looking for something very specific (not a relationship) that damn urge took over again I didn't share any personal info but did set something up but then tonight Nickel back song never gonna be alone come on and I started crying lost it, it was like Kevin saying stay strong I feel like I am losing it.

Such an amazing story thank you for sharing it I have always felt that way .

Darrel you have lost nothing here, we all understand what you are going through and in no way is anyone judged here we are all doing the best we can in this new life none of us asked for, we are all learning threw this process we all have different thoughts and feelings and that is OK grief is a long hard road with many ups and downs but the one thing I know is we all understand each other's pain and we all are here for each other, I love reading your posts because they almost always have that glimmer of hope hugs

Today I have been thinking alot missing Kevin but so remembering the love he gave all of us all the excitement he brought to the house. Things have been very hard for us financially since he passed away I have been posting looking for financial help and I have learned to make it clear I am not looking for a relationship only help one man come to my work and gave me money before Christmas I was so touched that I got teary eyed and gave him an innocent hug he emails me still he knows I am not looking for anything he said he just wants to be friends I think he feels a different way his aunt just passed and we have been talking about that since I understand loss, another man messaged me about helping again I made it clear I am not looking for a relationship he said OK he is already in a relationship but not happy so I told him loving someone is a choice you can choose to walk away or choose to stick through the hard times his response was you seem nice wish you lived closer, then I was at the laundry mat with my mother in law there was a man who was pretty close to us and we were talking about Kevin when it was time to leave he was asking her about me, I never realized how truly lonely some people can be until now, yes I am lonely but I had/have that amazing love, I had/have my soulmate, I was/am blessed beyond words because I am truly realizing more and more how much of a gift that was/is, I was so lucky to of had the privilege to experience this love I learn something new all the time, just a reminder of what I have to be thankful for hugs

Hello I was raised with a religious upbringing but fell away for along time still haven't totally gotten my faith completely back but I believe with all my heart that there is something after death and they never truly leave us, how could love ever die.

Marie, hugs to you today I now how hard these days are any movement forward no matter how big or small is not easy for us hope you have some peace and comfort today.

Mitch I am truly sorry for the hard days you have been having. That hope that you have when you wake up is sometimes all we have now unfortunately sometimes it is our only reason to keep going I truly believe with all my heart that we can all find our way in this new life we never asked for we just need to hold onto their love and for me I believe that the rest will fall into place in its own time I hope you have some less hard days soon and never lose that hope hugs

Joyce sorry reading this so late I truly dislike these marker days just a reminder of how long we have been without them, how long we have had to learn to be strong without them when we just don't want to keep going without them, your right sometimes remembering that love never dies and that they never truly leave us just isn't enough unfortunately that is all we have now I hope you found some comfort in remembering the love you and Dale shared hugs.

AB3 in no way are you offending anyone we all know and understand the pain you are feeling though all of our stories differ alittle we all lost that one special person in our lives and it hurts beyond words, you do not need to be strong for anyone right now you need to be able to express your loss and emotions to be able to move forward not in the way forgetting them for we never will but we need to be able to live our lives as best we can now I am only 7 months in still pretty new to this journey compared to alot of other people in this community and I know how much you need to just let all your thoughts out I was posting all the time thinking I was bothering people but I received nothing but open hearts on here I am so thankful for the kindness of my fellow grievers they have truly walked with me on my hard days we are always here to listen and offer some comfort when we can take it day by day you are never alone.

Darrel you have such a way with words and your writing always expresses you love for your wife it touches my heart we are all searching for that purpose and I truly believe we will all find it one day hugs

Marie it is definitely a personal choice the heart is most definitely capable of loving more than one person if you feel it is what you need to do to find your way in this journey or if you feel it is what you need to do to find some sense of peace and happiness again than everyone will support you. I call Kevin my soulmate all the time and I was talking to a very wise person in this group who told me they don't use the word soulmate because loving someone is a choice I never thought of it that way but that person made me think of things in a different way for me I chose to have my Kevin be my only soulmate to be my one and only forever love, I choose that no one else will have my heart but that is just it a personal choice there is no right or wrong people can choose to love again and there is nothing wrong with that we deserve to find our happiness no matter what we chose hugs to you

I found this and had to share it. Life isn't just full of happiness, It's sunsets, it's love, it's tears. It's the thoughts of yesterday's memories, that can wash away all out fears. It's that very painful experience, that each one of us had, it's the laughter that fills the air, it's the tears when you are sad. It's loving that someone special, that at one time made you smile. It's the pain of losing that person, but the memories make it worthwhile. It's that child in everyone of us although in time we'll all be old, it's the good times we'll never forget, it's the memories we'll always hold. It's the hug that we need, when we'd rather drown in our sorrow. It's the hope in every one of us, that makes us hold on for tomorrow.

Butvh am so sorry for the setback my thoughts and prayers will be continuing for your family you have all been through so much.

AB3 yes you are right unless you have lost your other half you would not and could not understand this pain it is a pain I would not wish on anyone, people have good intentions but they don't understand completely, they alot of times don't know how or what to say maybe they feel if they talk to you like the person you were everything will go back or feel like it used to be unfortunately we have been touched by death in a way that has changed us forever, we lost our other half the person who made us complete, the person who made us happy and gave us purpose, we will never be the same. All we can do is learn to live our lives now as best we can, to hopefully find meaning to ours lives again while holding onto their love, I am slowly trying to find my way somedays are harder than others but for me I know I will always be Kevin's wife no matter what this new life holds for me one day my smiles will outway my tears again and I will do it with his help because he lives in my heart and soul still, it will be a long hard road but we can find meaning in our lives again hugs

AB3 when my grief journey started morning was my hardest the waking up everyday and being slapped in the face with oh yeah he's gone never coming back, I have gotten over that stage I have reached the point of accepting he is gone, it has switched to nights being my more challenging time, probably because that is when my brain has time to truly focus on things and it is when we spent most of our time together though my crying bursts are fewer they for me tend to happen at night hang in there.

Marita it is not only your brain that thinks like that I to would think the same thing after all they are going where sometimes we wish we could be.