Dear Gailsing
I really felt the pain of your loss. I also lost my gorgeous sister last summer. She was also blind and I supported her a lot during the last few years of ill health although ultimately she died very suddenly after a haemorrhagic stroke.
Even now, ten or eleven months on, I feel the pain of her loss so acutely. She was my best friend, my mentor, my court jester, always making me smile about something. More than anything, she gave me unconditional love and understanding. We helped each other through our childhood when we lost our youngest sister. The bond between us was unbreakable. Every day, I feel empty and alone but I talk to her, I try to feel her presence. Some days it works, other times I just feel more of that huge void and emptiness. I struggle to keep in mind the sound of her laughter, the advice she always gave, I can hear her turn of phrase. My mind grasps to hold tightly to memories that sometimes feel as if they are fading already! And then the panic sets in. Recently I have started to feel a real anger. Why should she have her life so cruelly taken away aged 48. Why did she have to suffer losing her sight and her only child. She went through so so much and yet always found a way to laugh. Life was beyond cruel to her. Now all I feel is a vast expanse of time ahead of me without her in it. Some days it is hard to go forward; to keep going forward but I try, for my parents and my brother.
I wish you strength and a way through this horrible pain. Carrie