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About Annie0707

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  1. I felt bad at first, guilty for needing meds but I didn't feel strong enough to wake up never mind anything else. If I am to be able to help others I must help myself first.. And that is what I am going to do x
  2. I just want to say Thankyou, what a rollercoaster this journey is. I am feeling okay. I withdrew from my friends and made my circle small, I went to my doctor when I felt I couldn't go on and needed help, I cried and cried and Cried a little more. It felt like a relief. I was given an opportunity for grief counselling but when I got the letter I decided it was not for me, not for now anyway. I am very into self help and herbal remedies but I really needed something, my pain was unbearable and my heart was battered and bruised after I lost my brother. The doctor agreed thatmy heart racing was not just a feeling but literally it was palpitating and juddery, I had an ecg, given prescription for propanenol and mirtazapine. They have helped me more than I can say, I found the strength to begin to eat, tablets helped me sleep and I was able to return to work. For or now I am feeling ok, and I'm stirring and beginning to feel again.. I don't know, the word feels wrong but .. Happy. I think I am blabbering on again sorry for that, when it comes to write words, it comes out a little scattered but I am grateful for this feeling in this now moment love and peace to you all we are all in this together hugs to those who need one hugs to those who don't.. that hug will help me too Taking another step... then another
  3. Annie0707

    Uncontrollable crankiness

    Hi Clematis, I have read your initial post here but not read all of the comments. I too once had a neighbour who was very irritating, I'll spare the details as I do not wish to attract any of the situation again as I believe thoughts create things, anyway I kindly asked her not to come to my home but it continued, I calmly sat one evening and sent her love... Yes love, and planted the seed of her moving within huge year with a thought, I imagined it being the best thing for her, and sealed my thought with pink light, approx a month later she came and told us she decided to move. And within the year she was gone. plant seeds of love no matter how hard it may seem. Focus your thoughts on what you wish to attract for our perspective is what becomes our reality. hugs
  4. Annie0707

    Cry into dust, miss my brother

    @ElizabethH77 Thank you for your message. Sorry I'm not on here much but I get email notifications, if you would like to email me, you can find me at annie_84@hotmail.co.uk I am trying to be ok. It seems that we lost our siblings at the same time, much love to you. Some days I'm well, others not so well, but work seems to be helping somewhat. Take care of you my lovely and please email me if you would like to chat, as I do check that quite often I think it may be nice to share our new journey... However it now unfolds Annie
  5. I am grieving and I am finding it difficult to engage especially sexually with my husband. But I love and care for him more than he knows especially the support he has shown since this new journey began, I know that your pain will be immense too and his is probably crazy out of this world kind of pain, but I would never disrespect my husband. It is easy to get lost in grief, and we have memory blocks, s*** some days I can't even think I just sit, some days I can't sit still, but you need to look after you, if the relationship is meant to be it will get stronger from this, but if you need a rebirth in life and if he does then sadly we must let go. The love you feel will remain but I'm sure you feel lost and angry and no one wants to be a toy to be picked up and played with when someone gets bored. It sounds like he really loved you and wanted to build his dreams with you, but after a death our whole worlds get flipped upside down and nothing makes sense anymore, I can't answer your question, but I hope you both find peace in your decisions, look after you my lovely
  6. Annie0707


    Me too he had the most beautiful ginger hair!
  7. Annie0707


    It's been a month now and time just flies,Wondering if the universe hears my cries, My heart is hurting but I can feel your love, Embracing me from within and above. I never knew I could feel pain so deep, I still can't eat, can barely sleep. The nights, so still, the skies are bleak....Little brother I am feeling weak! But I feel your touch and it warms my soul... Your physical death has took its toll I am trying so hard, but sadly life goes on, I'm sorry I can't join you in the run, I wish I could pause the world or go back in time, Ill miss you forever, I'll look out for your signs Our journeys will go on entwined, I'll never let you go! Love you forever and always my little big bro! ~Annie
  8. Annie0707

    Lost my big brother to suicide

    Hugs Callie.Rose.
  9. Annie0707

    Angry and lost

    Thank you marita, this is my nest for now, today I have to socialise- my daughter is at the dentist... Turning on protective going out the house bubble... hugs Annie
  10. Annie0707

    Angry and lost

    My children are 5 and 7, they are beautiful and clever. I sat them down when he died and told them they might see mammy ok some days and crying the next but it's only because my brother has died, they have been so lovely and said when I laugh and smile at them they forget I ever cried, when I cry they kiss me on the head and say it's ok to cry mama, and it fills me with love in the place that is torn in my heart they both and my husband seem to kiss my wounds, it's true that I'm hurting I feel it's so real but I feel him too so I know he is still around me, I know he was my brother, my friend and also teacher, I will grow from this, love to you also on this path we cross and meet
  11. Annie0707

    I am watching my girlfriend's life unravel!

    You sound just like my husband, Such a strong caring person I want to thank you on behalf of 'Bonnie' for being such a rock for her at this incredibly difficult time. You sound like an Earth angel and it is rare to come across such wonderful people with hearts as large as the ocean, cradling her with your love while she rides the crashes of the waves and sits within the eye of the storm, take care and remember you need some rest too. Again Thankyou for supporting her and I suppose at difficult times such as these there is no such thing as 'time' be gentle with one another. Love to you all
  12. Annie0707

    Angry and lost

    Thanks for the love MartyT, it was hard after his death but two days before his funeral my sister had a breakdown and tried to hang herself, she ended up in a mental hospital and so in between arranging a funeral, I was taking my sister clothes and speaking to her nurses not to mention social services, she has came out the other end and seems very strong now, It's nice to see her doing so well and I think after everything it just cuts deeper every time and I am trying to balance myself out with meditation and solitude, I need to build up my strength to be the mam my children always knew, and I will get stronger, it's just hard as my little brother just died and if I could pause the world for a while that would help the process, I want to let my sadness come when it flows but I don't want the immense pain that I feel in my heart. My trip to the doctor was good today I'm pleased I pushed myself to go
  13. Annie0707


    Hugs for you, send love to your dad and focus on your healing. I know I am very angry at a lot of people but not for any reason but I'm hurting so badly it's easier to lash out and close down than be anything else right now, this is a journey for each of us individual as much as together, send yourself love and send dad lots too, this is a scary journey of uncertainty and we must ride the waves of emotion whatever they may be, take care
  14. Annie0707

    Angry and lost

    Yes we haven't got the post mortem results yet but it was heroin. I don't think he intended to go, but with taking so much.. And with being in rehab and being clean, his heart could not take the dosage that he had, thanks for the response it is appreciated