mary2016

@kayc I did because he tried to contact me through that. He needs to realize that I wasn't in it with him to play. I really don't have the time. I need to figure ME out and let what I deserve find me.

I had him on do not disturb, untill early this morning, that he knows that I wake up supper early to work out and get my day started. He called I WAS BUSY working out and didn't have time for it. sent a text saying Sorry but we need to talk and I know your awake, please answer. I smiled and said "No" to myself. And blocked him. I know he will continue to try but YOUR RIGHT I CAN'T SETTLE FOR LESS!!! I guess what he wanted was for me to end it before he did. But saw that I had already caught onto his little game, so I ignored it. I will admit yea it bothered me and I cried. But again, didn't let it get to me. I was at that willing to work it out. But NOW no!!! If he couldn't keep it right with me, and tell me exactly what was happening then, I don't need him. I know he can see my social media sites, I honestly don't care, because it is his loss not mine.

your right. I think I love him too much that, I blinded myself. As much as it hurts, I know I WILL get heal. Maybe not tomorrow or 1 month from now, But I know I will. If I can come back from my past traumas, I know I can do this one. I have taken this semester off from school. I decided that on Monday, because my head is not all the way focused. If I can't give 100%, I'd rather wait til I am at 100% focused and dedicated.And I guess start to value myself a bit more. because I tried to force myself to find someone. And I found him, but didn't really realize that he wasn't ready or mature enough for me.like he said I WAS JUST PERFECT.I guess to perfect for him. have lived one hell of life. From being abandend by my mother and taken to Mexico to be raised by grandparents, to child molestation and rape all threw my teen yrs, that lead to heavy drug use only 15 and had tried everything.helped which got me scholorship to GA tech, which i dropped from after a semester because ex fiancee lived in GA and was controlling which I thought was LOVE, i had to run away from him. but forgave him and moved on. to marrying a childhood friend, who ended up being a liar and cheater and mental and physical abusive. Divorced him when I was 4 months pregnant with 2nd son. Haven't dated for about 4 yrs and met a guy who was mental and verbally abusive. Met my now ex boyfriend and he knew me pretty well. I let my guard down, and this happens. But I got this one day at a time. thank you guys sooo much! you guys are a blessing!!! and an eye opener.

@MartyT thank you so much. Before the death of his father he drank but was more like a weekend thing. Some minor drinking if we went out to like to the movies, but not to get totally wasted. I know now he is drinking alot more. Even when he was away with his brother and dying father. But again I guess naive of me thought it was normal. Well, I see this pics and of course knowing I don't like that female, he would post it. I was hurt, but didn't mention it to him because of his grieving. And on the note of his father making that fist, and pointing to us. Well, later found out that is was to "keep him straight" because he knew how he was, a weekend partyer. And he meant to keep him strong. To be his rock. His dad knew that I was the woman that was going to be able to take care of him and he knew he really did love me. He had even told his dad I was the woman he was going to marry. I was there when he said it and his dad gave the thumbs up, and smiled. That right there is where I sit and think as in your dad knew how he was going to get, and wanted me to help him, but I guess he couldn't even do that for his father. To add to the note... His brother and sister in law called me and asked how I was b/c I guess he told them about the split. They told to understand him that he is alot of pain, and doesn't want to drag me through his depression. And he really did LOVE me but just wasn't in for US right now because he didn't know how to cope with his dad gone. because his dad would call him like every other day, to chew him out on dumb stuff. This call came in right after I POSTED my last post. I honestly just told them the truth that it was unfair him to be out drinking and posting pics with females. Like if it was ok. Mean while he calls me all drunk and stuff. Well they explained to me that those pics and posts where done on purpose but for me to make the move and end the relationship, but told them it backed fired because I hadn't said anything to him and was there for him. And that he fell more in love with me because I was still being understanding. And basically just telling them I was just too perfect for him. Because I am only 29yrs old and he is 37. I have my life going I have career, job, own house, co own a construction company with my ex-husband and father to my kids. He just feels like a burden. All I could tell them that, It was his choice and decision to end it. And all I was doing was respecting his decision. And if he ever needed me I was going to be there for him but as a friend. Of course at this point I really don't need a messenger to call and tell me what his plans were. He is about to be 38 (end of this month) he needed to put his grown man pants on and tell me himself. And needed to realize I wasn't his toy. They then said again to not hurt him even more by not being there. I couldn't say more than ok, but he could call me. Don't get me wrong I love his family, but you guys are right I deserve better. Even if he was my ideal man. but we all learn. NOW, I can say I do need closure. I've always needed it. I have a tough background as a child and as an adult. but I have always forgiven the ppl who have tried to hurt me. I will never forget. But me getting closure with those ppl. It kind of helped me cope with my past. I know right now is not the ideal time. But I hope to one day receive that closure. Thank you again... I can say this has really hit me hard.

Thanks soo much. I still have our pictures on my social sites, as well as in my house. I can't bring myself to take them down, I hope one day to. I've cried so much that I'm kinda down. it's more when i here something we had in common. Everyone has told me to "Do me, and my boys" and I am. I do worry for him, and a lot, becatuse he feels soo alone. I tried to be there for him, but I guess I was too PERFECT. I suffer from Anxiety,PTSD,ADHD & ADD, depression. I am medicated so it helps a bit. and I guess some ppl grieve different than others, because I lost a bestfriend 14 yrs ago. to a suicide drug over dose. in my arms. I grieved for 2 months in his room and didn't leave only to shower and go back to his room and sleep. And almost 2 yrs ago, i lost my grandfather (dad, he raised me). But months before he passed he asked me not to cry for him, and to be the rock to the family, and rock for my mom. I remember crying when i got the news, i cried from my house to the city my mom lives in, and some how i stopped and never cried again. I really didn't grieve much because I knew I had to be that rock for my mom. I didn't attend the funeral because that is another thing he asked me not to attend. But I got busy with my job, and didn't grieve much. But just this past Saturday I thought about it and busted out crying and talking to my 3 angels bestfriend, grandpa, and boyfriend's dad. idk if that happens because I didn't grieve much when they past. or what it was. i went to church the next day and samething cried in the service. and as soon as I left church i felt lighter. Then that is when my boyfriend decided to end it. I didn't cry because of my son's and they don't need to see that. Monday came and went I was fine talked to my 2 co-workers and they just said give him time, and his loss. and he will realize it when you've moved on. And then I think on his kids and man breaks my heart even more, because he told them that I was their stepmom. He told them that I WAS THE ONE. And I think on what is he going to tell them. Are they going to think that i lied to them and failed them? I do sit and write him, but i'll go from understanding him to just being angry so I start another one. and again. I don't know how to let him know that I'm still there for him but as a friend. but I also want to let him realize that it killed me to see those pics, and how disrespectful it is to do that. and also let him know he promised his kids. Now I don't want to force him to be with me, but want to let him know i'm hurt. or.... Is that not a good idea??? He actually just mentioned something on my Instagram pic. So, I know he is looking at my pics, which honesly i hope he is for he to realize i'm ok and will be. I just hate the feeling that I feel sooo dumb for all that I have done for him, and get this. I understand he is grieving and wants nothing to do with me, But why keep telling me he loves me. I don't get that. UGHH! I GET SOO UPSET ABOUT IT. BECAUSE HE PROMISED. and he is older than me, by 8 yrs. and still loves that party like. I don't mind it but come on thursday friday and saturday. I guess he is stuck in his ways. And no one can get him out of it. wish i could hit him with a reality check. but can't thank you sooo much. I'm glad that I have someone to tell, and get an understanding. because everyone else just says leave him alone, his loss, you were to good for him... like I don't want to hear that. Also, what do I do if he calls or texts???

H, I have been reading on many topics, and has sort of helped me understand. I was wanting some advice,help, anything to be able to understand exactly what I should do. Well, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a bit. He just recently broke up with me, as I am hurt I am also ooh so confused. He lost his dad 7/16/2016, recently. When we got the news about his being ill, he caught the next flight out the next morning. His dad lived almost after becoming ill. He was out in another state for a 1 month. We would facetime often to see each other, because we missed each other soo much. We would tell each other often, and we talk about our days. Well, when they got the news about his dad getting worse and was put on life support, his mother wanted to drive to see her ex-husband. So they asked me to join her. As I did. i left my kids with their dad and left. All because I wanted to be his support, and of course to see him. So, i was already on 24hrs no sleep. So, I drive up there 17hr drive, I made it in 14 hrs. When we get there I am greeted by him at the hospital. Man, was I SOOO HAPPY TO SEE HIM. I got to meet his son and daughter. And the rest of the family, he introduced me to his family as his . girlsfriend/future wife. I thought he was joking but no he was serious. So, while being out there I enjoyed it. being with him as his support, and playing with his kids. Well, there came time that his father could have visitors, soooo his family asked me to go in there with him to see his dad and check him out, and get all the answers for them, because I am a nurse. and I could break it down for them in simpler understanding words. Well, he took me in there. and I met his dad. (tearing up as I type this). He said "dad look who is here , my girlfriend, the nurse, the pretty girl, the smart and crazy funny girl, I told you about the one I really love" I said hi and talked to him. he would sign because he had that ventilator tube in him. He asked to hold my hand. And I did. He squeezed it. And then my boyfriend talked to him, when his dad signed again and asked for my hand. He pulled me in a bit, and squeezed my hand and made a fist and pointed to my boyfriend. I said you want me to punch him, b/c I can't b/c he is sooo tall and I'm soo little. He smiled or tried. My boyfriend told him see dad I told you she is crazy and short. He nodded. He squeezed my hand again made that fist, and pointed to him. All I could say was 'ok I will". We both held our tears and sad we will see you tomorrow, I was leaving the next day, I didn't tell him, but I said I'll see you later ok.. and you continue to fight. and he nodded. well the day I left my bf was already acting funny, but understood that it was too m uch for him. So, I just talked and joked around with the kids.As I was driving I caught him starring so I looked and said "what" He said " I love you" I really do. You drove all the way out here for me and to bring my mom. My kids love you. And I want to get over all this and go back home and do us. And figure out our future. I was like really. cause he jokes alot. He said yes. I was like ok. so days passed dad was removed off life support and still lived 2 weeks after that. We were ok. I kept myself busy with my kids and work. He would facetime me before work. It was all ok. I didn't bother him too much, because I know he was busy. But I get on IG and Fbook and see he is just drinking and what not, which I understood you don't see your brother often so you guys are having fun. Well, then came the day his dad passes. He facetime me that morning telling me that his dad was not to good, and that he was passing away. I'm like i'm sorry, if you need anything let me know. and to stay strong and positive. Well, he asked me for money on top of the $150 I had already sent him. So, I did. Well ever since we spoke less, texted less. Me not understanding how someone griefs. I kinda called him out on it and asked him wat was up and he told me my dad just died does it look like I want to be lovey dovey. THAT is when I understood. So I left him alone on it. I let him call me. mann, he of course would call me at night when he had been drinking and was a bit drunk. We would facetime, and he would tell me that he is just ready to come home. I said whenever your ready. Welll they did the memorial. He stayed a week after that. THIS is when it really got sad,and ohhh so confusing. He told me he was going to come a certain Saturday, and then later during the day says, I'm not going back until 3 wks more. I was like why, he said he wasn't ready. well come to find out he came when he originally said. And found out by social media. at this point i'm more confused like really why lie? So that day came and no text or call. I was like ok cool. U want space i understand. well I get that 3 am phone call and he is telling me why i haven't called or gone to see him. I was like you asked for space. He said come over tomrorrow, i was like ok. Soo here I am and I get all dressed for him. and never called to tell me where I was at, or anything. So, I sent him a msg and he answered with he found out something about what an ex said. I was mad and was like really. I got mad. and didn't say anything. so of course he is like i'm done with you. I was hurt, badly. but I left it alone. Come on Tuesday he called after I had seen pics of him at a bar with one of his good girl firend, who he knows I don't like. caption saying "she drives me crazy" I didn't say anything to him about it. So, He tells me he loves me and misses me and what not. He opens up a little about his father, and i'm just listening. well next day no contact, but see another pic. at this point of course i'm mad and hurt. still didn't mention anything. Well, he comes Thursday and calls me and asks me what i'm doing for the weekend, I tell him nothing boys go with their dad. I'll be alone. So he said lets do something, come over, i was like ok. sooo Friday I get that text telling me he was going out of town for work. my heart sinks to my stomach, I had already gotten my hopes up. he facetimes me and tells me that he would let me know. I was like ok. Well, never got that call, until 3AM, After he was out drinking. He tells me to come over. I was ok,sure. so there I go... We hug and tell each other how much we miss them and love each other. Well, next morning, he was up and was really cold. We are in bed and asks me if he was a a-hole, answered and said you can be, but i love you and standing next to you. Well, he says I think this is why I stay single. I stayed quite, shed some tears without him seeing. And I tell him, your stuck in your ways where you do what you want no matter what. and actually tell him tallk to me. I don't know what you are felling but don't bottle it in, he gets up and says STOP SEE YOUR JUST SOO PERFECT.. I am far from perfect, I've just lived on hell of life and learn. He turns around as I am laying there he hugs me sooo tight, and i just let him do that while I rubbed his back. It was hug that had soo much emotion. Well he gets up quick and says he has something to do and said me too. So, I leave. Well, that was the end of that. He says he will call me later to go to dinner, i was ok. I knew damn well knew he wouldn't. well surprising I don't get that call. well I see on social media a video of him with some girl. and he is smiling. I still haven't said anything, but at this point I feel so disrespected. That sunday I did me. Did not worry to much about him. Untill he post a pic of him drinking and crying. I wait about an hour and then just text him asking " How are you, u ok? He answer yes why. Told him cause I cared and loved him. we is in denial. well, LATER that night tell me. to move on. i'm liike why.. tells mehe is no good for me. Here is where the breakup goies. He got rude and said I'm done with you. I am now lost, and asking why? just tells me he can't anymore. I tell him that he promised he wouldn't hurt me. and said so did others so i'm no different. Im now more hurt then anything. So its been 3 days, I haven't texted or called him. But I have written and typed soo many letters on why, and i don't understand, and to let me his rock. and I needed to furfull his dad's command. He said NO. Well, my question is he really done? Or is he just pushing me way because of the passing? and what should I do? Because I Look on his IG and out pics are still up. and on fbook i'm still tagged in them. hasn't deleted them. I understand he is grieving!!! I am willing to just stand back and give him that space, he wants but again, it isn't fair that he is out there taking pics with gurls and posting them, that litarally hurts. And I deserve some respect. s*** i was the only girl who helped him and was there. I drove out there. I sent him money. I'm not asking for him to not grieve, ive given him his space, but yet goes out there taking pics and him being at the bars. I understand he needs to go out and distract himself, but how long do I have to put my emotions on hold for him. When he has given me every reason to leave him. but can't nor will I. Some ppl are telling me to give him time and he will be back. He is just soo lost. depressed, hurt and sad. I've been wanting to write him and email it to him. letting him know i'm here. and not going anywhere even if didn't want to be with me. or is that not a good idea? and state a bit on how he makes me feel buy those pics. Or should I just let him go????? should I continue to reach out to him every few days? If someone could give me advise on what to do? he is the one person I TRULY fell in love with. and he knows that. And I know he loves me but is just pushing me away. ughhh!!! I'm sooo lost and confused!!! thanks and blessings