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mickey

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  1. To Derek and Kayc and everyone else- I am new to this site. I have been reading all of the posts for quite some time but have only posted my thoughts once. I lost my husband of 31 years to a motorcycle accident on August 24, 2006. His accident was on July 12. He was in and out of coma, was paralyzed on his left side and eventually had two lobes of his brain removed. He suffered for six weeks before his body just couldn't take it any more. I, too, had a friend who both John and I had known for over 30 years. He was best man at our wedding and he was with me every moment of John's hospitalization. When John died, Ron was there for me all through the wake and funeral and for days after. Five days after I buried my husband, my mother died from kidney cancer. A week after that, my best friend's brother died. I didn't think I could go on living without these people in my life. Ron and I didn't mean to start a relationship but it felt so good just to have someone to sit on the couch with and watch TV. My marriage had been "over" for about 2 years before the accident due to alcoholism and we had separated a couple of times. But that didn't mean I didn't love him. It still hurts like hell not to have someone in the house with me or lying next to me in bed at night. After about 3 months or so, Ron filled that void in my heart, or so I thought. I realized that I was just looking for someone to replace John and that could never happen. I was at the cemetery a few days ago and had a strange experience. I had been talking to John and God, asking them to help me decide what to do with the rest of my life. A man in a pick-up truck pulled up next to me as I was getting in my car and said "It hurts, doesn't it". I said yes and then he said "you are too young and beautiful to spend the rest of your life alone. You will find love again, just not right now". That was exactly what I had been talking to my husband about. Then the man drove off and when I turned around, he was gone. That was when I made the decision to take a break from my relationship and go it alone for awhile. I have never been alone in my life and I don't know how I will handle it, but I have to try. I know how difficult it is to be alone and I pray for everyone on this site that whatever happens to them is meant to be. Some of you will find love again, others may not. But whatever comes your way, know that there are those of us who care and are going through the exact same emotions and trials. I have been to grief discussion meetings but find this forum more to my liking. I think I'll stay here and hopefully get to know some of you. The pain never goes away, but it does get better. I only cry every other day now. I have a teddy bear that John gave me and I put some of his cologne on it and sleep with that teddy bear every night. It helps. Ok, I have rambled on long enough and maybe some of this may not make sense but it helps just to put my feelings into words. Thanks to all of you for doing the same, it has helped me cope when I read some of your postings. I know we all feel the same. God Bless all of you - Mickey
  2. I know exactly what you are feeling. Lost my husband after a motorcycle accident in July. He suffered with pneumonia, strokes and finally two brain lobectomies before he died in August. I do not work, my daughter is married and starting her own life, my son lives with me but I am glad that he is starting to go out with friends again and I don't want him to worry about me. Writing and going to grief support groups really helps. I went to Al-Anon when my husband was alive and I can't believe how much it helped. Try finding a grief support group at your local hospital or funeral home. They really know what they're doing. I will pray for you and your loved one. He is still with you.
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