Jen71

This is a great topic. I lost my FOC (Father of Choice) suddenly & unexpectedly on 9-24-16. I'm not close with my biological father, and Bill was my friend & father figure. We were very close and I'm absolutely gutted. i have never cried so much in my life. I have cried (at least once) every day since then and I wonder the same thing as you stated. And I'm already on antidepressants - of course my experience might not be generalizable as I have been on them for years for depression & anxiety. Been on a stable dose & functioning just fine til Bill died. My experience with using meds to treat my depression is that they aren't happy pills that take away feelings. They take the edge off enough so I can function and find constructive ways to deal with the feelings. Since Bill died, I have had waves of crushing grief so painful that I feel like my skull will just shatter into a million pieces. And I do cry every day and I wonder, am I crazy? Am I in a classic depression despite the meds and don't realize it? But in my heart I don't think so. I'm taking care of myself and doing the important life stuff, and getting lots of support so when I can look at this with perspective, I just think well, I'm grieving the most major loss of my life so far, and this is all part of the deal. its just hard, no two ways about it

I had a similar experience - I reached out to a friend/colleague who suddenly & unexpectedly lost her husband last December. My sudden loss was more recent, 1 month ago. She didn't respond either. The thing that seems tricky is that my grief stirs up stuff for other people. They may have unresolved grief, may not be in touch with their feelings, or may be hurting too much themselves to engage with someone else with raw & intense feelings. I have found that grief often makes other people uncomfortable and only some people- and not always those I would expect - are able to connect & support. In the end it's more about them & their limitations than about me, but it sure does feel painful when I ask for help and don't get it. Thanks for posting, I relate to your experience