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jjconcern

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Everything posted by jjconcern

  1. It sounds like you need time to grieve for the loss of your mother as well as come to terms with the traumatic life changing experience of being the sole person involved in her heart attack. The feelings you describe regarding your boyfriend sounds like you are shutting down and possibly becoming depressed. Having a successful long distance relationship takes more energy on the part of both of you than when you are close in proximity. I would be truthful and let him know that you don’t have the energy right now and need a break as you suggested in your post. Thinking of him now as a friend as someone else suggested in their response to your post. Are you back in school? If so, it has to be difficult right now to keep up with school responsibilities. How are you handling that? Do you need to reduce your class load this semester? For sure connect with a counselor regarding this difficult time you are experiencing. My prayers go out to you.
  2. Mitch as I read down the list of beautiful, heartfelt responses to your post, I was struck by the great love that all of you have felt for your spouses and how difficult it is to go through the pain of losing them especially when your children begin to live their own lives. (It is such a reminder of your own married lives and the joy of raising a family even in difficult times). As an older person who has seen family members and friends go through the pain of a spouse’s death, I realize that one never really gets over their loss (there is no time line) but the pain does lessen as time goes by. Meanwhile what do you do to get through the day to day loneliness? I have no answer for you but I do know that those who get involved in the lives of other people do have some measure of happiness even though in the beginning it pales in comparison to what they had before. Grief groups in churches and counselors -pastoral or therapists can provide safe places to talk with others about your grief. Do you still have couple friends who knew Tammy that you can stay connected to? You share a common bond with them. Music, dancing, physical activities and being outdoors enjoying nature are all ways to spark a sense of joy in life (even if it only lasts for a short time) and a hope for the future. God is in the midst of your sorrow even if you don’t feel connected. My hugs and prayers go out to you in this very painful time.
  3. Jason your losses are so deep it is overwhelming just to read about them. You seem to be a very loving, sensitive, and optimistic person despite what is going on now in your life. It sounds like you are already seeing a counselor who is pointing out some of the facts about your girlfriend and her relationship with you. Are you communicating with your father despite your move to a new area? Any brothers or sisters to talk with? Your father has got to be hurting as well and this might be the time to reach out to him and develop a stronger relationship with him. You might also benefit from a group that deals with grief/bereavement –through a church or your counselor. As painful as the breakup of you and your girlfriend is, I would concentrate on fully grieving your mother’s suicide and all that means to you. You may be surprised at how grateful you may be for that break up when you eventually find a person who loves you back fully but you will always miss your mother. It is just how life works in my opinion. Hugs to you and my prayers are with you in this tough time.
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