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Mud_Puddle

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About Mud_Puddle

  • Rank
    New Visitor

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    long-time spouse
  • Date of Death
    April 18, 2016
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Portsmouth, Virginia
  1. My husband came home for lunch in April (six or seven months ago) and shot himself in the head. No warning, no signs, no nothing. I sold the house immediately. Every time I entered that front door, I became hysterical. Suicide is different. I've already learned that. I had a plethora of friends; after all, he was a big deal attorney and I was an author. All those "friends" except for five people have left my life. I am currently living with a friend. I pay the rent and he makes sure I don't kill myself and that I eat at least once a day. I've lost 30 pounds. I scream in my sleep, and I talk in my sleep and I cry in my sleep. You're blessed to have restful slumbers. I've tried a myriad of drugs (under the care of both medical doctors and shrinks) and yet they only stave off the inevitable pain. I can't even write coherently, but I know this much: Suicide is different. It changes everything. Pre-April, I thought we had the good life. Now I am living in hell. I understand about being a bag lady. I often think about disappearing and becoming one of the homeless. I feel like that's where I belong now; living under a bridge with a few of my favorite things.
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