Hi Im new and needing somewhere to vent I guess.I have read alot of posts and can relate to most. I have lived away from my mother for years I have so much guilt,I just dont know how I am feeling...Im really quite numb. She never met my grandchildren and my heart aches for that... My brothers who are twins were the apples of her eyes she never left the midwest..I left when I was very young...I have always felt like the outsider.For years I sent boxes at Christmas never missed a birthday and tried to be the 'good' daughter...I never got even a call on my birthday,normally..I tried my whole life to be accepted by her,I was the only daughter,there were only 3 of us..Our father died when he was only 46.... I feel guilty for remembering all the hurt in my life surrounding my family of origin but it crops up just like the tears overwhelm me at times.. I called her on her birthday 9/10/2006 she didnt sound good but tried to pull is off she was fine...she got sick 11 days later on MY birthday and she pastd 10/2/2006... I just had to tell someone thanks for listening ......I know this will pass I just feel so alone and I do have friends,and family but they dont seem to realize the depth of losing a mom...Its like OH youll get over it....Im just at a loss as what to feel and how to feel better...Thanks..most sincerely jewel
