DaveM

Cookie, I had no idea. It seems to me once a widow or widower, always a widow or widower, unless one remarries, I suppose. The world plays cruel tricks on us sometimes.

Gwen, It is fairly obvious that whosoever wrote or said that probably never intended it for grief. It got hijacked and sent our way. I heard it when my son died, I heard it when Dana died. I could hardly contain myself from responding, and not in a good way. I have not been active lately, but I come in and read pretty much every day. I really feel bad for what you are going through extra these days. Shoot, what everybody is going through. There's no end to it. I guess we just do the best we can. Dave

Gypsy, I am so sorry to hear that. There are dozens here that share that pain, and hundreds who have been here before. I have been here a year but we have some members who have been here many years. We will lend shoulders when you need us. When you can, look through some of the threads here, and read some of the information Marty has provided for us.

Allen and Katie, Words cannot express what I feel right now, but please know your family is in my heart, and the hearts of the rest of us here. Dave

Gwen, All I can say is I am so sorry you have to go through this. When you bring the new boy home, talk to Steve, and ask him to help you pick the right name. I am sure at some point you will think of someone Steve liked or enjoyed playing music with, or someone he and his buds teased from time to time. Maybe even a favorite listener. One of my old bands took the name of a guy who came to every show, only to drink too much and pass out during the first set. His name was Leo, so we named our band Sleepy Leo.

Marg, we made snowcream the whole time I was growing up. Mom never made it with the first several hours of snow. She would clean off the picnic table after 2-3 hours, then make snowcream from what fell next. I only made it 2 or 3 times in all the rest of my life, but what a good memory.

Ana, that is so true. The feeling deep in my chest or in the pit of my stomach feels exactly like fear to me. My adrenaline pumps and I find myself looking from side to side.

Allen, your family is in our prayers, thoughts and wishes.

One thing that I got from losing Dana was a new attitude. There is constant pressure at work for us to do more with fewer people. Our system is Oracle-based, and when we purchased it, Oracle projected and suggested our department should number about 40 based upon the company, business we do, and necessary support. Our company elected to ignore that, and we have about 25 essentially doing the work of 40. And we constantly get hammered because projects are postponed or not completed on time. So my attitude is that I will do what I can, then my time is mine. I was working 50+ hours a week in addition to having an hour commute each way. I have lost all that was dear to me, so there's nothing else they can take away that makes any difference to me. Don't get me wrong, I like my job, and my co-workers are probably the best of anywhere I have ever worked. But I no longer take any crap. My heart goes out to you, Kay, Tom and all who have had similar experiences. Dave

Everyone here is so right. I am glad people are being spared every day, but I die a little inside when I hear details of something similar to Dana's situation going right for someone else. I don't begrudge them, I just don't want to hear about it. Since we never got to the point of being wed, I don't get calls or mail for her. But my heart really aches to hear that the rest of you do. My youngest son has been gone for 18 years, and believe it or not, I still get the occasional 'offer' or 'appeals' for him. And I have moved 3 times since he died.

Kay, that is absolutely spot on. We each had a unique and wondrous relationship that not everyone ever has a chance at. I was divorced twice, but my brief time with Dana was the pinnacle of my life.

Janka, it is beautiful. Thank you.

Janka, The pictures are terrific. I think I passed through Bratislava many years ago (in the 1980's) when I visited Poland with the Friendship Force. We took a train from Kraków or Zakopane through what was then Czechoslovakia to get to Vienna. It was overnight, so we could not view the countryside. It seems that Bratislava was one of the stops. It is a beautiful area. Dave

Bill, she's lovely. My heartfelt wishes to you.

Gwen, I am sorry not to have known it was your birthday. I am not great about birthday and the holiday gift pushes, because growing up there was not a lot of attention to it in my family. We always had a decent Christmas, but birthdays were a cake and a small (I do mean small) present. Thing is, I didn't realize we were 'poor,' because it wasn't whined about, and so the recollections I do have from growing up are pleasant. With TV advertising and the whole 'Hallmark' emphasis on birthdays, holidays and 'special' days, the weight of emotion tied to all that is sometimes overwhelming anyway, so the difference when we are now alone is heart-rending. Dana and I were together such a short time, barely over 6 months, so I don't have to face these 'celebration' days with the same pain as most on here do, but I was with her for her birthday. THAT was hard this time around. THAT tore me to pieces. If I had to factor that with Christmas, Thanksgiving, anniversaries, my own birthday and Valentine's Day, I don't know what I would do. My heart goes out to you and everyone here for the holiday just past and those upcoming that we have to endure without our loves. Dave