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About Autumn2

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  1. Guess this says it all. Posted in local newspaper today. Hope it helps someone else.
  2. Alas, about the same for me. I dont count the days but if I did, it would be close. (12/4). I miss my Tom sooooo much.
  3. I have a necklace my hubby gave me with three diamonds...yesterday, today, tomorrow. Cannot wear it any more. There is no today or tomorrow.
  4. Kayc. Brought a smile to me when you said “they probably would not let me live on my own if they knew just how much”, yep I can relate!
  5. Autumn2

    3 years today

    Gwen. I am so sorry for what you and others are going thru. For me ONLY 11 months and December coming up. Wish I could forget it. December is his death day, his birthday, my birthday, Christmas and his brother’s birthday and death day. One long lasting sleeping pill lasting for a month for me would be ideal. I dont even want to think about it. Yes, I went thru last December but really was in a daze. Unfortunately not so this year. And you mention sureal...that is me too. I look at our pictures of over 50 years together and wonder did he really exist. I cannot believe he is gone. And the sureal thing if I told anybody they would think I was nuts...well maybe I am but glad it is not just me. Anyway, I wish you the best of what can be in this dismal life right now. Dismal for me as there is nothing for me to look forward too. Yes, bad day today for me. Gentle hugs.
  6. So very, very sorry. I can so relate to what you are going thru "but" just eleven months for me. I wake up and think darn I woke up, then i think well I woke up and didnt have a stroke and couldnt care for myself. It is a toss up!
  7. Just watched Our Souls and could relate. I watch a lot of TV as it blocks out a lot of painful thoughts. Anything really romantic I cannot watch right now. Besides the ones already listed (and I guess we all gravitate to the same stuff), I like Bletchly Circle, Land Girls, Wallander and Tom Selleck's character Jesse Stone...all available on Netflix. Bletchly Circle and Land Girls all relate to the time of WW2. Oh, also forgot, absolutely loved all seasons of Call the Midwives...also Netflix . Anything to get me thinking about other things.
  8. Autumn2


    I am soooo very sorry. Just doesnt seem fair!
  9. Autumn2

    The Silence

    I can so relate and have real fear about falling...almost to the point of ptsd. Almost two years ago I fell down a staircase while carrying a microwave. Couldnt really see the steps and obviously wasnt using the handrails...well in the fall I severely sprained my right ankle and broke my femur...you know the big bone in your leg. Fortunately my wonderful hubby was home. Surgery involved putting a rod in the femur and two screws at the top and two at the knee. The whole rod is about twelve inches. I was in hospital three days and rehab for a week (no, not drugs or alcohol). It took me a minimum six months to get back to a semblance of normal. Could not drive for that long as right foot/leg. I am sooo lucky as bone united well. Now I get around faily well...certainly not normal but okay. Not much pain in leg but more problems with foot and ankle. Now my ptsd..remembering the fall in Slow motion and knowing now I am alone. My husband was wonderful thru all of this and now he is gone and no one so i am so careful...maybe too careful. Guess i am nuts. Anyway, I feel for all of us seniors because yes it sure isnt for sissies.
  10. Autumn2

    The Silence

    Dewr Gwen I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I dont understand men (and it seems men are more like this...sorry guys). Do they feel invinsible? I dont know. Just know we are left. For me...if only my hubby had gone to the hospital for the backache earlier AND if the hospital are disgnosed and treated his kidney stone sepsis in a timely manner...maybe things would be different soooo I have some anger toward hubby but a whole, whole lot to the hospital which had a sepsis protocol and didnt follow it. He had every symptom of sepsis. Even red flagged hours before he was given fluids or antibiotics...guess they were too inept to see. So much for sepsis protocols if not followed. Still maybe that kidney stone had it been treated would have not gone into septic shock.
  11. Dear Vicky...I, too, find it difficult to cry and it has been 7 months. I am one that. cries,over an animal's death, the flag, anything patriotic and yet cant for my hubby. I have been a critical care nurse for 40 years and have learned how to shut things off BUT now I cant for the love of my life. I get easily choked up and physically feel ill but rarely any tears or if there are so very few. Many months back after his death I would get the shakes and I think that was my body's way of letting go. I think the many years of guarding my emotions with death have caused this. When I am really choked up I find sad movies allow me to cry. One in Particular loosened the dam was TAKING CHANCE on netflix but anything that worked. My hubby and I were married almost 52 years and I loved/love him with all my heart. I wish I could release the dam more but you are not alone.
  12. We had been married almost 52 years. This last weekend was seven months. How can it be that he is gone...and most importantly is how can I still be alive when I hurt so bad? Maybe I too am dead and just dont know it but then again maybe I am and do know it. Alas, right now things really "suck" for a better word, a word I used to think was awful. Guess lots of things are changing.
  13. A little over a year ago I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my femur...thank goodness my wonderful hubby was there. Anyway it was a good nine months before I could into the tub (and out) by myself and get up off the floor if I need to get all the way down there to do something. All I can say is it sure isnt a pretty site but I can do it. Fortunate, as I have no one to help me now. To show how bad it was, at about six months I got on my hands and knees to pick up the tv remote and could not push myself up and my hubby couldn't pull me up as it involved bending the knee which I could not do. This was at 2 am. Fortunately he was able to shove a small foot stool under my bottom and then was able to pull me up without knee being bent. All of this got better when I had a pesky knee screw removed which was causing all the trouble. After this fall it became really obvious how much we depended on each other so being alone is really scary for those of us, in particular, who are not spring chickens...more old hens.
  14. Autumn2

    The Silence

    I can so relate to every single one of you. One son visited for a few days and it was wonderful then...he is gone and the loneliness that was there before is only compounded. If I am home...which is most of the time...the tv is on morning to night. At night I like audiobooks from overdrivemedia app. Free books. I listen to on iphone or walkman and probably other devices. Listen as I fall asleep and if I wake up I put them on again. They (and the tv) help my wondering brain. Netflix is indeed wonderful as is Hulu and Amazon Prime. Hulu and Amazon Prime I get thru my son (some sort of family thing so no cost to me so if any of your friends or relatives have they mAy be able to add you. I have not tried Roku. I need the audio distraction for sure. Sorry so difficult for so many of us. Dont write much but read almost daily and sends gentle hugs to each and every one of you.