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About Olive71

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
    Mom December 23, 2016 and Dad February 4, 2017
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Heartland Hospice, Rockford IL

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  1. Olive71

    Anxiety and can't function

    Thank you so much for your response, KayC. I am so very sorry for your losses, too. I wonder if I will ever be the same happy person I once was? I used to laugh all the time; I used to smile. I know I need to get back to some sort of normalcy for my husband, but right now, I'm just a emotional mess. I find myself crying all the time and feel like I'm on a nightmare roller coaster of emotions. I wish so badly that I could go back to my life before my parents passed. I want to be the old me. I want to feel their support and love. I want them to still be here to experience their lives with me. The pain I feel is all encompassing right now.... I'm so hurt, broken, anxiety-ridden. I am thankful that I found this place where I can let out my feelings. I am embarrassed by them. I just looked back at what I wrote and most of the sentences start with "I". I feel so selfish. Thank you all for listening to me. I wish peace and blessings to you all.
  2. Olive71

    Anxiety and can't function

    Thank you so much for your replies, iPraiseHim and whyknot. Your comment " At times the shock was so much that the grief took my breath away, I had trouble sleeping, eating, thinking,etc... everything," really resonated with me, iPraiseHim. That is exactly how I feel. I just don't know what the world looks like without them in it. My husband works nights, and I used to go across the road and fix them dinner and watch "Wheel of Fortune" or those Alaska shows my mom loved so much. Since he (my husband) has gone back to work since their deaths, I find myself not knowing what to do with myself. I miss them so terribly. I feel like most of myself went with them. As I write this, I am crying and hoping that someday I feel happiness again. I just can't see it right now. When I finally get to sleep, it's not long, and I wake up to the nightmare all over again. They are gone. I won't see them again. How do I make it through this? I just want my mom and dad back, and I know that's impossible. I wish I didn't feel so scared and lost without them. I should be stronger; I'm 45 for Pete's sake. Again, I can't thank you enough for replying to me. I know I sound like a crazy person, but that is how I feel right now. Blessings and hugs to you both...
  3. Hi. I am new to this group. I lost my dear mom on December 23, 2016, and my dear dad on February 4, 2017. They were wonderful, giving, loving, nurturing parents. We were so close. I live right across the road from them and was their caretaker. Even though I am happily married and have a supportive husband, I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down. Although I am 45 years old, I feel like a 12-year-old girl right now...lost without her parents. I know that this is supposed to be the natural order of things, but I am having such a hard time. I'm having a hard time getting out of bed and functioning normally. I am having panic attacks and 24/7 anxiety. Since my mom was diagnosed with Mixed Cellularity Hodgkin's lymphoma back in August, I've lost 30 pounds. Although I am forcing myself to eat, I have no appetite. My doctor prescribed medication to help me get through this, but I am so scared of getting addicted or something. Before my parents passed, I had an existing anxiety disorder (for 20 years) but it was well controlled on an SSRI. But, now the anxiety has come back stronger than ever. Is it normal to feel this way? I'm so scared I'm going "crazy." Any advice or comments would be so much appreciated. Thank you.