Thank you Marty T. I read the articles that you suggested. The last one gives me so many good ideas for being able to deal with the pain on the day of her death anniversary. I feel a bit more hopeful that I will survive this very painful day. The others also give me hope. I don't feel so alone in this. My husband is such a rock in my life, he seems to be the only one that is helping me through he just doesn't know what to do for me seeing he has not suffered a loss except for his grandparents. I have always been known as the " sensitive one " in the family. Growing with the rule we were never allowed to grieve anyone's death. Sorry for going on and on. You have just been so much help and friendly to someone you don't even know.