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Chrystal

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About Chrystal

  • Birthday 09/23/1978

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  • Location (city, state)
    Victoria, BC

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  1. Hi Jeff, thanks so much for your kind words. I am so sorry for your loss. It has been a while since I have read the posts. It has been just over 2 months since my dad passed, he also had a stroke, it was a complication from a virus he had. He was 51 years old, and his death was very unexpected. I really can't believe he is gone, it is just so sad. I miss him so much and would give anything to be able to go to his house and have him answer the door. I too cry when i see anything that belongs to him, I have a christmas present that I had bought early sitting in my drawer at home, I have covered it with clothes, it's too upsetting to see it sitting there. I worry about feeling better because I don't want to ever forget my dad, not that I would forget him, but I want to be able to remember his voice, his laugh, all those sorts of things. Take care Chrystal
  2. Hi Emmy, I'm so sorry to hear of poor Trisha. What a sad situation. I'm not sure I can offer any advise but just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts. You shouldnt feel like a traitor wanting to find him a new companion, you're just tring to think of what will be best for him. Take care, Chrystal
  3. Hello everyone, I have written in the past about my dad who past away on October 8th. I really don't feel like I can make it through this. Somedays I feel ok, when i keep myself busy it's alright. But then as soon as I have a moment to think I remember my dad is gone, and it hits me like a ton of bricks. I'm embarrased to cry in front of other people now for some reason. I popped by my moms house on my way home today and she mentioned that my dad's good friend just found out about my dad passing and called her today. I left right away 'cause i knew i was going to cry, on my drive home I had to pull over on the highway cause i almost passed out. I was dizzy felt like I was going to have a heart attack. All I know is this is worse than I ever could have imagined it would be and I don't know how to get through it, I dont even want to get through it, I just want my dad back. Needed to vent, thanks for listening Chrystal
  4. That poem is so beautiful. Thank you for posting it.
  5. Thank you for sharing your poem. It made me cry, it describes so perfectly how I feel. Take care Chrystal
  6. Hello, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. He sounds like a wonderful person. If you havent already been to a grief counselor that can be really helpful, It just seems to help to talk about it. I find telling "my story" helps and it can be hard to find someone to talk to. My grief counselor told me that replaying the bad memories will dull in time. This website can be quite helpful as well. I don't write very often but I read all the posts a couple times a day. I lost my dad in October, he was only 51. Take care Chrystal
  7. Hi Shelley, Did you move away so you don't get to see the cats anymore or have they both passed on? I am sorry if they are gone, cats can offer so much comfort. I have 3 of my own and it's been nice to have them around during this difficult time. These are two of my kitty's having a snuggle Take care Chrystal
  8. Hi Shelley, When my dad first passed away a month ago I cried in front of whoever I was with, but for the past few weeks I have found that I don't cry in front of other people. I cry everyday but when I am at home alone, or as sooon as I leave work and get in my car. For me I think it is because other people don't seem to understand, I feel like they expect me to be better already and don't talk to me about what happened so I just keep my grief to myself. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about it and to cry with. I live with my boyfriend and about a week ago we were trying to figure out what to have for dinner, and I had been thinking a lot about my dad that day, I started to cry and he couldn't figure out why. He thought I was upset because of dinner?? My dad just passed away, i miss him, that's why i was upset but I guess I have been doing so well at hiding my grief it comes as a shock when I cry now. Take care Chrystal
  9. Dear La Girl, I am so sorry for your loss. My dad passed away on October 8/06. He died from a staph infection, that ended up causing a stroke and destroying all of his organs. The last time I had talked to him was probably about a month before he was admitted into the hospital, not because we didnt get a long, but he didnt have a phone so we normally would see each other about once a month. In the hospital he wasnt able to speak from the stroke, but it was nice to be able to be there with him. I am sorry you couldnt be with your father. Do you think your father became this way to protect himself and loved ones, if he was "nasty" you wouldnt miss him as much, maybe he thought it would be easier on you? I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to how you are feeling, in shock, thinking about him in the hospital. For the first week after my dad passed all I could think about was how he must of felt in the hospital, was he suffering, was he sad, was he scared??? It was awful. Those thoughts are becoming a little more dull now, and are replaced with a different kind of sadness, the kind of sadness where you miss him so much, and you can remember the good memories. The panic feeling and devastation will subside a little in time, and you can start going through the motions of life again. Be patient with yourself. I saw a grief counselor a couple times and found that to be helpful. I don't know when life becomes "normal" again because I am definately not there yet. I still cry each and everyday, I think I might forever? I love him and miss terribly. Take Care Chrystal
  10. Hi Jennie, I can't really offer too much advise as I am only at the 3 week mark after losing my dad. I can just let you know that there are other people that feel the same way. I am feeling a badly for my boyfriend who i dont think understands that just because I am not crying constantly doesnt mean that I am over my dad's passing. I am trying my hardest to make it through each and everyday, trying to act like my "normal" self as well, and I think he's having trouble understanding that. I cry by myself now instead of in front of others, no one really seems to ask how I am anymore. It's hard because now is the time where I feel like I need the support but and everyone is finished giving it. I dont think we will ever stop missing our dad's I just think eventually you dont think about it as much??? It's hard when you feel like your waiting for somthing to make everything better, and then you realize that is never going to happen. I like to think my dad is somewhere nice, I really hope he is. I wondered the other day if people who pass have to grieve for those of us still here? I think about death a lot as well now, I used to be really afraid of dying, but now that I know there is a chance I will see my dad I'm not scared at all. I can completely relate to you saying that life seems really hopeless right now. I hope that you find some comfort, and maybe trying talking to your boyfriend, letting him know that you are having a really hard time with all of this so he knows its not him making you angry. I have been to see a grief counselor a couple times, it seems to help a little, it gives you someone to talk to where you dont feel like you are being a burden. Take care Chrystal
  11. Hi Taika, I'm so sorry for your losses. Thanks so much for your response. I am almost at the 3 week mark and thought I was doing ok, but wow I sure am not. I worry because I didnt see my dad that often, about once monthy, that I keep forgetting he is gone. Then I think about it and it hits me, I am not going to see my dad again. I keep thinking about my age and how many years I could have left to live and I get sad that I have to miss my dad for that long. I didnt cry much yesterday but then I woke up this morning and I am so sad. No one is really asking how I am anymore, they just keep the topics light and fun, but I think that I still need to talk about this. I feel so frusterated that I can't just go to his house and have him answer the door, I couldnt have even imagined that he wouldnt still be around for many more years. I feel sad that I didnt do more for him while he was here, I tried but after talking with a grief counsellor realize that he was a hard person to help. My dad didnt have a lot of money and for christmas I would always buy him a big box of food and then some other litle treats, but I dont get to do that this year, I had already bought him something and it is sitting in my drawer, it's funny when I bought it I had a bad feeling, now I know why. Thanks for reading. I know everyone on this site is going through hard times as well. It's nice to have somewhere to go where people understand. Take Care Chrystal
  12. Hi Maylissa While I don't know too much about what happened with your little kitty, it really does sound like you made every effort possible to try to have her get better. This is much more than most people would have done. I too am an animal lover, I have three kitties of my own. I worked in a vet clinic for 5 years as a receptionist and think that when it comes to that point when you know your pet won't be getting better the most caring and selfless thing you can do is euthanasia. I really think that one of the dr's would have suggested the homeopathic remedies if they would have been able to help. Good idea talking to them though, then at least youi will know for sure. I have not lost a pet but from working in the clinic have been there for many euthanasia's and have shed many tears over these pets. I lost my dad on october 7th and he died after 5 days in the hospital. The last few days he was in a coma and was having trouble breathing but it takes time for all the organs to shut down. We all knew he was dying, we just had to sit by his side and wait. I kept thinking I cant believe we let people lay here like this, if this was an animal at the hospital they wouldnt be left to lay there and suffer like that. I really think euthanasia must be the most peaceful way to go. Have you thought of maybe doing some volunteer work at an animal shelter, or for a cat rescue group? Possibly helping some other unfortunate animals will help you feel a little better? I feed some groups of feral cats, they all come running out when I get there and I find this makes me feel a little better. The cats make me feel like I have a little more purpose, they make me smile for a couple of minutes. I think it would be great to join a pet bereavement group, then you can talk to other people who understand what you are going through. I know where I live there is a nonprofit organization that has a pet loss support line, your vet clinic may have a phone # for somewhere like this. I hope talking to the vets will help ease some of your guilt, and don't let anyone make you feel like you should "get over this" quickly, any animal lover will understand that pets are like family. I feel like people are the same with my dads passing, it's been 3 weeks and people seem to think I should be ok already. Sometimes people just don't get it. Take care Chrystal
  13. Hi Magdalyn, I too had a different sort of relationship with my Dad. He passed on October 8th/06 at 51 years of age. My dad was addicted to drugs while I was growing up, he and my mom split up about 15 years ago. My Dad wasnt a bad person in fact I think he was one of the kindest, most caring people I know. I usually only saw him when I took the time to drive to his house and pop in on him. He didnt have a phone so I couldnt call him, he would call me occasionaly from a pay phone. I did manage to see him every couple months at the least because I was so persistent. I know that it was not because he didnt love me, he was just struggling with difficulties in his own life and life was sometimes hard for him. He had been clean for the past 10 years but never regained a "normal" life, he struggled with finances and I think with his self esteem. I loved him so much and I know he loved me very much. Despite not seeing each other all the time I still felt as though we had a special connection, maybe not your typical father daughter relationship but definately a strong bond. I hope it helps to know that not everyone had a perfect father but it doesnt mean you love them any less or miss them any less. I think it is wonderful that you were there for him in the hospital, and am sure that he went more peacefully knowing that you were there for him Take care Chrystal
  14. Hello everyone, Thanks again for your replies, it has been just over 2 weeks since my dad has passed and it is still hard, I am actually having some moments where I don't think about it. I am amazed at how much I can remember from my dad's life now, I think I remember every conversation from the past year, I find myself already thinking more about the good memories rather than just focusing on his time while he was sick. I have regrets, but that seems to be a common thing for anyone who is grieving. I did'nt know my Dad was sick for about a month before his stroke, he did'nt have a phone and I normally just popped by his place every month or two. I had popped by mid september and left him a note, he called me back a week later and left a message that he had been sick but was starting to feel better, and that he was on antibiotics etc. I really didnt think too much of it, assuming he was being treated and was doing ok. I wish he had phoned earlier in the month to let me know so I could have brought him soup or something? I also wonder if I had seen him I would have realized how sick he was and talked him into going to the hospital ealier and maybe he would still be here? I visited my Dad everyday in the hospital and was determined to be there with him so he wasnt alone when he died, but the last night with him he had fluid in his lungs and kept coughing and I couln't stay. I felt bad that he was alone but just found out last night that his cousin went back to the hospital at 1am and was with him when he passed around 3am. She had told my mom at the funeral that he went so peacefully. I was so glad to hear that he had someone who loved him by his side. I know I will always miss him and have a sad spot in my heart that he cannot be here with me, but things will start to feel better. Take care everyone Chrystal
  15. Hi Lori, I myself have never taken antidepressants but I have many family members and friends who take them and find them to be very helpful. I know at first they had to try a couple different ones to get the one that would work the best and have the least amount of side effects. It doesn't have to be forever but if you need that extra little bit of "help" throughout this time then there is nothing wrong with that. Good luck with your decision. Chrystal
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