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Mike's Girl

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About Mike's Girl

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    Advanced Member

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
    March 3, 2017
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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  1. Mike's Girl

    Not looking forward to the upcoming months...

    Thanks foodcooppres! Those are great ideas. I've been going through a mood of boredom and questioning my future lately. I've just been feeling blah and uninspired. I feel like I'm just merely existing right now. Not doing anything of purpose. Your ideas may give me some direction.
  2. Thanks for the advice. I think I will seek professional help with this, since I don't want to make any mistakes.
  3. Mike's Girl

    Not looking forward to the upcoming months...

    Thanks Kay! Yes, we all deserve medals. It really is a shame on how some people seem to prey on the grieving. Take total advantage at our disadvantage. Heartbreaking!
  4. Hey gang! It's been a while since I've checked in and I'm glad to report that, with God's help, I'm hanging in there. I just passed the 7 month mark of Michael's passing and things have been...um...interesting. So many things have happened...House repairs that included dealing with contractors, car repairs and finding a new mechanic that respected women, and I've had to survive numerous "firsts without him", including preparing for and enduring a hurricane. I still miss him in every moment of my day, but the debilitating grief waves aren't coming as frequent as they were. I'm not finding myself in a constant state of sadness. Don't get me wrong, I still get hit with tidal waves of emotions at the slightest trigger, but I'm finding that I'm beginning to accept the unchangeable. He's not coming back. Stark, but true words. I still love him with all of my heart and soul. I'd give anything to have him back, healthy and whole. Yes, it breaks my heart that the love of my life is gone and my life has changed forever. But my life isn't over. I'm pretty proud that I have come this far. I think he'd be proud too. However, I have found that my life has become a routine of boredom. I'm just existing. I go to work and I come home to veg in front of the TV until I go to bed. My tablet has become my new best friend. A constant companion that is by my side from the moment I wake up, until I go to bed at night. A never ending blue glow of Facebook, games, Pinterest, Instagram, etc. But I KNOW that Michael would want more for me. He never wanted me to wallow or forget who I am and what I'm capable of. He was my biggest cheerleader and I must honor him by being the best me I can. I do have a great support system of friends that I go and do things with (whenever my budget allows) and I am forever grateful of their friendship and concern. I guess I just haven't found my next step yet. I really have no idea what to do now. I do know that the upcoming months are going to be rougher than the current hurricane season. Halloween was Michael's favorite holiday. I'm already getting misty just looking at all of the decorations. November will be tough with both Thanksgiving and our wedding anniversary on the 27th. We would be celebrating 24 years of happy marriage. I already expect to be a basketcase that day. Then, of course, there's Christmas, New Years, then finally my birthday in January. The thought of going through all of this without him is almost too much to bare. So, I will continue to chant my mantra..."one day at a time". It's helped so far, just knowing that there is no timeline with grief. It happens at it's own pace. I haven't decided if I'm going to decorate for anything this year. I will come to those decisions as they arise. I'm happy to report that my stepdaughter will be coming to visit me the week between Christmas and New Year, so I won't be alone. We will be together to celebrate. I'm sure the wine will be flowing.
  5. I just lost Michael this year, so next years taxes will be my first experience with doing them without him. He always did the taxes, so I'm not sure exactly how to do it. What will they want to see? I hate this crap...
  6. Thank you scba! That article is great. I'm adding it to her reading material.
  7. Thanks Gwen and Kay! I will listen to your advice and lay it out for her, tactfully. I appreciate your help, support, and understanding! Kay, that list is perfect! Thank you!
  8. No, but she did lose her parents tragically at a young age. She was only 22 when they both died in a boating accident. Let me clarify (I know some of you may remember me talking about my father passing not too long ago)....my parents have been divorced for over 20 years and my father passed away 3 years ago. So technically she's not a widow, but my father is gone. My mother is remarried.
  9. My mother is coming this week for a week long visit. She has alluded in many conversations that it's already been 5 months and I should just move on and get over it by now. "Yes, it's hard, but put on your "big girl panties" and don't wallow." I know that while she's here, she's going to do everything in her power for me to "not hurt anymore". I don't want to make her sound like a monster, but sometimes she pushes because she's uncomfortable with a situation and "rising above it" is her defense mechanism. I have a feeling that she's going to try to push me this week to be happy and just rise above it all. Be the old me she remembers of my youth. She really does mean well. I know she truly loves me./ She just really doesn't want me to hurt anymore. Well, believe me, I've put on my big girl panties. The veil has been lifted. Reality hit me in the face with a full donkey kick. I'm not that happy-go-lucky child she remembers from my youth. I will try to be happy and keep things light while she's here, but if I feel like breaking down and crying, she's gonna see the tears flowing! I love you, mom, but this is the new me. Get over it. (Thank you for letting me vent)
  10. Mike's Girl

    Since He Died

    mbbh: This is beautifully written. It sums it all up. Yesterday was my 5 month mark of Michael being gone and these words rang out so true to me. Reality is hitting me hard and keeping my spirits up is getting harder and harder. With God's help, my strength is holding on to persevere. None of us want to be part of this group, but thank God it's here for us. Take care of yourselves. Peace...
  11. I too have a haunting memory that won't stop plaguing me. The hallway to our bedroom was too narrow and awkward for the EMTs to fit their stretcher, so they carried MIchael out of the bedroom from under his shoulders and legs. He just hung there, so limp and pitiful, as they carried him. He had a look on his face that I will never forget. Was it disappointment that I called the ambulance and didn't let him die at home? Was it pain from being manhandled by them as they carried him and dropped him on the stretcher? Was he mad at me? Was he glad I called for help when I did? The memory of him being so fragile and weak on that stretcher and the look of disappointment(?) on his face is burnt into my memory forever.
  12. Well put! My feelings, exactly...
  13. I know how you feel. I'm 4 months into this nightmare...
  14. Mike's Girl

    Having A Hard Day Today

    Thank you Marty! You are such a blessing to us all!