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louisec

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About louisec

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    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Toronto, Canada

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  1. I lost my mom, my dad, and my brother in just 4 years. I feel numb. It's all surreal and I am disconnected from reality. Losing my mom is so different from the other deaths as she was the closest person to me in this world and I am so lost in the darkness. I just can't believe this is what's happened to my family. I'm so alone.
  2. I think in order to heal from grief, we all have to examine and face our own concept spirituality -- whether you have been going to church faithfully your entire life or if you have no experience with religious doctrine or "God." Some find peace in connecting with nature and the forces that man can never truly understand. I found the concept of "the dark night of the soul" particularly helpful when I was grieving the sudden loss of my father. I was disconnected from all I knew, and this type of spiritual crises perfectly explained how I was feeling. Here's an article: https://lonerwolf.com/dark-night-of-the-soul-question/ A lot of Buddhist teachings speak to my heart and have helped me stay present for my mom's illness, appreciating every day as a gift and not allowing the present moment to be sacrificed in favour of worrying about the future. Tomorrow is often taken for granted, but if we can truly learn how to live with today, our hearts can open again. This quotation from the Tao Te Ching has also helped me greatly: "Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there's nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." - Lao Tzu
  3. I'm very sorry for your loss. I am 31, and lost my big brother 2 years ago (I was 29 at the time, and he was 37). It is a very specific type of loss - a young person dying before their time is truly tragic. And yet, there are blessings because your brother has you to go on living and to teach his daughter about him and who he was. It will never be as satisfying or fulfilling as having him here with you. That's the sad truth of loss. There is no "acceptance" -- I agree that this is a myth -- there is only rebuilding a new life that honours the person you lost. In time, you will learn to live again. Time doesn't heal all wounds but it gives you a new perspective that eventually gives you enough strength to go on.
  4. I feel that no one my age can possibly understand the depth of the pain I have to live with everyday. Grief is a burden; for every loss, it's like you must carry a heavy bag that no one can see. I am carrying so much pain and it takes so much for me even to get through the day and do even one or two things. I feel so isolated by grief because I have been forced to experience so much tragedy at a time in my life when it seems that everyone else has everything. I am so resentful of social media. I also feel resentful of people who have ignored my losses, people who I considered to be friends, and then it feels so heartless that they can't even address such a huge loss in your life. I see people having kids and getting married and having huge family dinners and their lives are so full, it makes me feel even more alone. I try to be grateful for all that I have, and grateful that I had such meaningful relationships to begin with, but losing them is tearing me apart. I lost my father suddenly and tragically when I was 26. While I was still trying to get back on my feet, my brother was diagnosed with a rare cancer. During that time, my mom was very sick but it wasn't until another 6 months had passed that she was diagnosed with advanced cancer. My brother died within 18 months and I am approaching the 2 year anniversary of his death. My mom is now in palliative care and I am caring for her at home. I cannot bear another loss and losing my mom is disconnecting me from myself in a way the previous losses didn't. My mom is my best friend, my guide, and has helped me cope with all the pain in my life. I don't know how I will face anything without her. I want to retreat and hide away from the world but I am also afraid this loss will harden me and take all the joy from my life. I want more than anything to live, and yet, I am paralyzed by sadness.
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