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louie

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Everything posted by louie

  1. I Really don't want to be alone again. I don't want to get back where I started. I just want to feel at home..
  2. It feel so very very hard. everywhere I go I remember fully every thing we spend together. Even sleeping. at the office, at home and even going to eat everywhere I go. I feel like I need to accept that I really am alone. I'm even wish if only I'm the one and not her mother. I Really feel so alone.
  3. Thank You. I can breath a bit now that I have expressed it. I'll just wait for her to come back. she just texted me that we'll meet when she is back and she wants to say something before we part ways.
  4. Thank You So Much Kayc. Your Word Means so Much to me. Yes I'm very scared being alone. Being alone for 24 years is so tough. having an abusive parents, having classmates scared at me because of my family. No friends to talk to. No family to lean on. I only have myself for 23 yrs. Work myself hard enough save money to become independent. For as long as remember I made my life dedicated to work. Drown Myself to work and sleep then wake up to work and school then work till midnight. I always wanted to have a good family to go home to.My only dream is just to have a home to go to. 3 yrs ago My life change when I met her. She is the only one who keeps talking to me without any favor or anything. Just plain talking. I remember our first conversation is she asking why I'm always working even in school. she told me just have some fun while we're still young. days past and we talked and let me played her games in facebook. It's first time having fun and I felt so warm being with her. Few months past and I went on graduate college while she still have one year left. In my last day in school I gave her a card I made for her telling what I feel. She told me she feels the same. I Remember each and every conversation we had. All the problems all the secret we shared. I have so much fun being with her. I then promised myself that My goal is to make her Happy and to protect her. I take my professional exam and work for a few months then I opened my own firm just to have more time for her. Then she graduated and we both work together and also have fun. Everything feels like a dream. I never expect to be this happy. We discuss our future together and promised ourself to work hard and in our 5th year together we'll get married. Having introduced by her parents I feel soo Happy. I never get a chance to see her father because he worked abroad. but for the first time I feel a Mother's Love.her mother always welcome me on their home. giving me foods and even more foods for take outs and invited me on their birthdays and even on my birthday. Everything Really Feels like a Dream. But It's just a dream. a dream that may never come true. Her Mother, the closest mother I had is not here anymore, and now My girlfriend broke up with me. And Now I'm back being alone, no one else to go to. I feel lost. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do. What I'm going to do. Right now I'm Really lost. I'm back being alone.
  5. I just recieved a text. She told me we need to break up. She said she doesn't feels like it. That is all she wanted to say. No matter how hard I tried she just leave. Without anything. Just because she doesn't feels like it? It felt like everything we promised, everything we had prepared all thrown away just because she doesn't feels like it. All feeling I had in for her crushed because she doesn't feels like it? Looking at her picture right now. looking back in few days I'm not sure if she really is grieving or just having fun. Greiving in a beach? No time to talk with me but have time to thank people who like her profile pic? Haaaaaaaaaay! I Really am right 3 years ago and since childhood I thought I need only myself and trust only to myself and believe only to myself. It looks like I'm right. I am 100% Right. No Family, No Friends No one I can rely on I just really don't care. I'm just waaay too Foolish to think someone will have an impact in my life. Just when I thought I could finally have a dream to have a good warm family. Just thrown away because she doesn't feels like it. hay.... I Really Really just wanted to be loved to be felt the warm love. A warm feeling of a good family, friends to talk to or even just a loved one I can look forward and protect. I have just realize it is just a fantasy.Just a one man's foolish dream.
  6. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I can't imagine of us breaking up. or am I assume on to things.
  7. Help!!! I might lose her! She suddenly just texted me a while ago. here is how she texted me. "Louie, I'm sorry, We need to talk when I get home. I have something to tell you when I get back." I Really Don't know what to do!!!
  8. I'm trying my best not to contact her. Only just limit on usual greeting on her of good morning and good night. I tried to go to gym and work and take classes to take it off my mind.and always have the phone besides me in case she needs me. I just hope that she is ok and safe.
  9. But I don't know if it is right to text her good morning or good night. Thats the only thing I texted her for the past few days. I'm not sure if it is ok or not.I'm Sorry
  10. I'm Sorry. I sound so foolish. I didn't texted her or contact her in any way. I tried give her space. I haven't contact anything to her.
  11. Right now I'm Afraid I might lose her. And that she won't text me even if I waited too long. she is the only one I have, Someone I can talk to and to be with.The only one I can Trust. She and her parents are the only one I considered as a Family. If I lose her I don't have anyone else to be.I felt crushed about her mom. And now I'm afraid of losing her I'm afraid I have no one else to protect. nothing to be look forward to in the future.
  12. I thought of not greeting her and just wait for her to text and come back.
  13. I don't know if I'm doing right greeting her every morning and every night.
  14. I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. I'm not sure if i'm doing right thing or not.
  15. I don't know if I'm going text her the usual good morning or good night or not. I'm not sure if she'll going to come back. I'm afraid I might say something wrong and hurt her or if I already did hurt her. I really really feel like I might lose her. I'm afraid. I really don't know what to do. I feel so helpless.
  16. We still don't have any contact yet. I don't know what she is doing. I hope that she is alright. I just made a poem for her, a card and did a shopping for the ingredients that I'm going to cook if ever she comes back. I'll give the poem to her when she comes back.It's just that I feel uneasy, Today she is doing very unusual, I check again my social media account in facebook she is still online and our viber and whatsapp application is also online which is also very unusual because she doesn't use it very often especially whatsapp. we downloaded the whatsapp application specifically for our video calls whenever we're far apart.the viber is for our picture messaging and also her communication to her brother that is working abroad. I just feel like she wants to talk or I'm just overthinking about things. Right now I'm doing a double time in My life, I am working double time. studied for my licensure exam, preparing notes for her licensure exam and tried to contact My old and future clients just so maybe I can find a new projects. I feel like I need to step up and work hard for our future. And the poem I have prepared i'm not sure if it is appropriate or not. I refrain on talking in relationship, demands and anything related to it. It is more on telling her that she is not alone that we are still there for her, her family, her friends and I'm here. whenever she needs someone talk to we'll be there. I hope i'm doing the right thing for her. I'm not sure if i did anything right to help her.
  17. I'm Sorry. I'm Trying not to disturb her. I'm Reading Every Article I can so I could Help Her. I Just want her to know that I'm there for her by texting her a good morning and a good night text. Wanting to let her know that she is not alone. I'm not sure if it is a right thing or not. although no text been received lately. I don't know how she is doing. I just want to know if she is safe. its now been 6 days before we last had our long coversation. I remembered we talked about that night before thru phone how her mother is improving, she is going to take her licensure exam, convincing me to take my second licensure exam for additional income, planning what we are going to do for our future, where we are going to eat on our special day while planning how to go on for a diet and looking for a bags she likes online which has been 2 months since we looked and yet haven't found one. How she was happy when we talked, how we are excited to meet, laughing, telling jokes. It's just feel soo unreal. Everything is Good that day but Waking Up and Having a Terrible Days ahead. Suddenly hearing the news, knowing what she going to do in the next few days. I Really Can't Believe that it is All too real. I Really Want to Be With Her. With Her Mom. Her Mom.. She is the Best Mom that I have ever known. A Mom that always think for her children, Who have gone thru lot's of things just so to have her children a better life. Whenever I'm with her Mom I Feel So Warm Inside. I Remembered I Feel Like Crying Whenever I'm Talking with Her Mom. And Right know she is not here anymore. I Really don't understand why. Life is Soo Unfair. How A Good Mother like that is not here so early. While Other People who doesn't even care of their own life and even more to the people around them, Smoking wherever they go, Eat whatever they can eat, people who think only for themselves live longer. While others who worked soo hard and do whatever they can for their children live shorter. Life really is unfair.
  18. I'm not sure when is the right time to talk to her. I just want to know if she is ok. I checked my social media account a while ago. I saw her changing her profile picture with her standing on top of a big rock in a sunset. She also posted one of the picture which is the view of my room window which i send to her last week in the instagram with a title "I was thinking about YOU Thinking about ME Thinking about US How we're gonna be I opened my eyes, It was only just a DREAM..." and a twitter saying "goodbye" And She is also marked online on her fb account which is unusual because she doesnt want others to know that she is online. I'm not sure if she is ok or not. If I need to comfort her. I think I'm just over analyzing things..I Don't know what to do.
  19. Thank You. Right now I have just joined a gym and later redecorating our room that she always wanted for a surprise. I tried to limit my text to our usual good morning and a good night text routine. I'll just keep on praying for her safety. And keep myself busy for the mean time and having the phone with me just in case.
  20. I'm now afraid I might do something stupid. I'm now overthinking and overeacting on every situation. I'm Really Really Really Afraid that I might lose her again. I think I'll focus on work in the mean time and try not to think about it. I'll just drown Myself with music while working. Maybe I'm just overthinking over things.
  21. I Really Really Miss Her. I Miss Her Soo Much. I know it's been only 4 days. But I Really Can't Stop Thinking about her. If she is alright. How I Wish I could be there by her side. I Wish I could just hug her. My mind keeps on thinking about any negative things. Reading on other people's post. I'm afraid that I might lose her. That we might broke up. She might lose interest on me.That she might stayed at her hometown for good and won't come back. I'm Afraid I might lose her again. I know I'm being foolish thinking only about myself right now. I know that she is crying and staying there besides her mom. I know that I need to give her time to heal and be with her family. But to think that she is suffering, crying. knowing that she is the one who will prepare her mother's burial. My heart crushed.I can't Sleep, can't work properly. All I think right now if She is alright, If She's gonna come back. And right now I feel so alone. A Day without her, A Day without talking to her it feels like a year of agony.My heart felt numb.I I Really don't know what to do anymore. I just wanted to see Her Smile. How I Wish I'm there to help her, To be there for her. to be By Her side. I Will Do Anything to make her Happy Again.
  22. Thank You So Much. I'm going to read those article. I'll try to understand how I can help her. Right now I don't have a choice but to wait for her to come back here in the city. I know she told me to give her space but I texted her last night on what happened here at home and in my work, I texted her our daily Good Night Text Routine and texted her to Be Safe.. She replied to me Good Night.And This Morning I Texted her our Good Morning Text Routine and texted her again to be safe and I'm here for her if she needs me. I'm not sure if I'm doing a right thing or not. I feel like I need to text her A Good Morning and Good Night.
  23. Hi I'm New on this group. I want to ask if there is anything I can do to help with My Girlfriend. She currently lost her mother 3 days ago. Right now She went home to her hometown and I'm stuck here in the city. We now don't have any much contact since then. I tried to contact her to offer any help I could give, I tried to prepare her things for her trip. And tried to comfort her by helping any way I can. But she keeps on rejecting any of my help. She just told me to give her space and told me to focus on my work. Right now I'm too Worried for her safety and also on her emotions.I can't work properly and I can't stop thinking if she is safe. I'm afraid I might lose her. I'm afraid she might get hurt or something bad might happen. Here in the city whenever I'm with her, I always protect her from any negative thing and bad people. Here in the city whenever we go out I always see someone tried to touch her or take any picture of her and also usually some group of people just stared at her and cat calling her. Sometimes she doesn't notice any of that had happen around her and I always be there for her. But now she is with her younger brother and relatives in her hometown and now my mind keep on thinking if she is alright.I can't stop worrying. Our last conversation is that she told me to give her space to think, pray for her mom. She told me that she's the one to prepare her mother's burial and she'll be back next week. I also don't know how to comfort her and make her happy. I really wanted to help but I don't know how.I don't know what to say or what to do to comfort her.I feel so crushed whenever I saw her crying and right now I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to see her smiling again. Thank You! I'm Sorry for having this too long. I don't have anyone else to talk to. she is everything to me she is a family to me and I want her to be safe and to be happy.
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