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About Joy1974

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    Advanced Member

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  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
    Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
    April 21st, 2016 (mom) July 10,2017 (dad)
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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  1. Joy1974

    Still not adjusting

    Hi Stephh, I'm a few years older than you and I also lost my mom last year.I have been a single parent (of 3) for years now, and just like you my mom was my other half.We were closer than any mother and daughter I've ever known, we even finished each other's sentences.She did absolutely everything for me and my kids Even though she had so much illness in her life (polio and scarlet fever as a little kid,crohns disease, thyroid disease,breast cancer).She had the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known.I know how much it hurts.She had breast cancer that returned after nine years, spread to her peritoneum/organs and killed her a week after we found out.For me, some days are just ok, other days I cry until I can't cry anymore.My father also passed from cancer a month ago, so all the feelings I felt when my mom died have come back to haunt me.He had lung cancer.I hate cancer.I would give my life for a cure, in a heartbeat. Please know that you are NOT alone.I'm so sorry you lost an amazing mom to cancer.To put it bluntly, it sucks.I'm around if you need someone to listen, and so are many other amazing people . This is a great place!.
  2. Joy1974

    It just keeps getting worse

    Thank you, George:) Mom was terminal, but some warning would have made all the difference for us..Kay, there are just no words for that type of ignorance.It takes two minutes to arrange an appointment with a cardiologist, ffs.If I was your husband's doctor, I would be riddled with guilt for the rest of my life.Il really, really hope he has made good on his promise to you.He owes you that ( and so much more).
  3. Joy1974

    It just keeps getting worse

    I have no faith in doctorsWhy do they not take people's family history seriously?You did a great job calling your husband's doc out on his mistakes.I hope he remembers what he's done for the rest of his life.In my mom's case, she was very weak and had abdominal pain/digestive issues for months and months, and her doc never ran a simple blood test, until it was to late.Her office called with the results the day after my mom died, and I was at her apartment with my family.Why would you not run a blood test on someone with a history of breast cancer?It wouldn't have saved my mom's life as her breast cancer was metastatic,but it might have given my niece and nephews a chance to renew their passports so they could see her before she died, had we known the cancer was back months before.I think doctors rush through each patient, and the less time they take with each one, the more money they make.They become desensitized,and innocent,trusting people pay for it.
  4. Joy1974

    Hello, I am new to these boards

    I"be lost my mother, father, three grandparents,and my first baby.But I can't imagine losing one of my sons or my daughter, two would be beyond devastating.I see how my grandfather is since my mom passed last year and I don't know how he keeps going.I'm very sorry about your fur baby to.Animals are also family, and getting the dog was a wonderful kind.act of your son's.It would break anyone's heart to have to endure so much.My fur babies (cats) are my other children.You have gone through much more than anyone should ever have to.Im so, so sorry.
  5. Joy1974

    It just keeps getting worse

    I'm so sorry, Kay.51 is to damn young for heart problems.His doctor should have done a better job.Im alone to with the exception of my kids , almost every day.We all head back to school/work soon, so at least I will have something else to focus on.I feel so petty when I see women who are 50 plus and still have their mothers.At my age,that's ridiculous.I had much more time with her then many people get.my 29 year old co worker lost her 46 year old mom to cancer,and that made me realize that my thinking is a bit warped. I've started to exercise more and I'm trying to become more active again.II have moments where I can laugh and find some relief in my grief.My kids are doing well, for the most part,and im thankful for that.I just don't like this "new normal".I guess I'm still adjusting to it.
  6. I thought the last couple of weeks that I'd been dealing with the death of both my parents better than I have since this whole nightmare started in April of 2016.Its only been three weeks since my dad passed and I've come to realize that I will always have guilt about not being at the bedsides when he passed and when my mom passed.Its not going to go away. Last week, my brother had to have his 8 year old dog put down.She was the sweetest thing ever.Cancer.Of course, it's always fu$&ing cancer. Tonight I found out that my brothers' original muscular dystrophy diagnosis at 16 may have not been accurate.He very likely has a more severe form that usually takes the lives those affected by it between the ages of 40-50.He is 41. I can't do this.If /when he and my grandfather die, my kids and I will literally be alone, with minimal contact ( twice a year if that) from my extended family.This isn't how it's supposed to be.I'm older than my brother, not by much, but still, it should not be him facing the possibility of dying first, it should be me.I know realistically, people of all ages die every minute of every day .But at just 41, with a wife and three teenagers,why him?.It feels like my family is being punished, and I don't know why.I just keep thinking "who's next?".What have we done to deserve this?.
  7. Joy1974

    Too many to handle

    Grief does last much,much longer than sympathy, that's is so true."call me if you need anything", in my opinion,is what people say because they feel they have to say something, without having to actually commit to doing anything lol.
  8. Joy1974

    Physical symptoms?

    Thank you, ladies.Kaybee ,it sounds like we are Affectef by grief in a similar way,Muscle pain is horrible, I used to get spasms in my back but I'm lucky not to anymore. Marty, I am seeing a doctor on aug 11 for a physical, blood work, pap, the works.I hate the doctors but I'm going :).
  9. Joy1974

    Physical symptoms?

    Thank you so much, Marty.Im so glad to know I'm not crazy.This is a club I wish none of us had to join,no matter who we lose.
  10. Has anyone else had them? I just have no appetite at all, and I'm sore from head to toe some days.I have arthritis and nerve damage from degenerative disc disease, but this is different, like a deep ache in my bones.Maybe it's just all in my head lol.
  11. Joy1974

    Too many to handle

    Hi Amanda.Im so sorry for all your losses,you've been given a crappy deal, most definitely.I just lost both my parents within 14 months of each other, my father just on July 10th.My grandfather has pretty advanced Parkinson's and is not going to be around that much longer,and my only sibling has muscular dystrophy which could take him from me to if it starts affecting his heart. In my experience, we all have different ways of dealing with our Grief.Im a single parent of three with a very small support system,so I cry.. a lot.I write, and I wrote poetry for both my parents.I do as much as I can for my grandpa,because I love him, but it's also a way of honouring my mom.I spend time at my mom's favourite park with all the geese and ducks she loved to feed.I do those things,because she was my very best friend and it makes me feel closer to her somehow. I was at the hospital the entire week with my mom ( she passed a week after her metastatic breast cancer diagnosis, nine years after beating it or so we thought) But I went home to rest about 7 hours before she passed.I still feel some guilt over that, even though my brother and his wife were with her.I don't think my being there would have benefited her as she went downhill so quickly and I was just sobbing and howling incoherently. Imo, the best thing we can do is try to remember them for what lessons they taught us in life, and honour them with every step we take by being the best "us" that we can be.Thats what your loved ones would have wanted for you :).
  12. Joy1974

    All over the place, emotionally

    Thank you so much ladies, Marita, I read a bit about the hell you've gone through lately and I'm so sorry ?.My gramps was left devastated when my grandma died by suicide.He cried that he couldn't just leave her there in the cemetery after the funeral.And I've never seen my grandpa cry before, other than when my mom died last year.I can't imagine how hard it must be. Kayc, I know you also lost your husband to a sudden death,at much to young an age.I' know you don't really have a support system either.I just don't get it, sometimes it makes me feel invisible.At least my oldest is about to turn 19 so I can talk to him about things somewhat.He has matured some since my mom died.I think she'd be happy.She was also a single mom when I was about 5 and my bro was 3 , for a couple of years until she met my stepdad,then again when we were 16 and 18.So she understood what I go through some days.i miss having that.Im really sorry that you didn't have more time with your husband.That is just so unfair.
  13. Joy1974

    Mom lost to Cancer

    Same here,long winters, lots of snow ?summer hot and dry.We have gotten rare days as hot as about 89-90.But I prefer it a bit cooler.
  14. Joy1974

    All over the place, emotionally

    Hi Marty,I don't hide it from them but I worry about my 14 year old daughter, who ,like myself,also has clinical depression.She's doing ok at the moment, but some days she is hurting a lot.We ALL desperately miss my mom, because she was everything to us,but nobody seems to want to talk about her, or my dad.I feel like I HAVE to talk about them, I want to keep their memory alive.My 18 year old and 11 year old are more stable,but they are males and in my family, the males don't like to show emotion.
  15. Joy1974

    Wanting quiet in my brain

    That is so awful, how are you not family, you are still his wife ffs.i don't understand how some people can be so cruel.My grandpa lost my grandma to suicide when I was ten, and he was absolutely devastated.I'm sorry you have to go through this alone, you shouldn't have to!.