FreekierLeek

Thanks for the kind words KayC. It's been exactly a week now, and a horrible week, so your advice really helped. My little dog is doing better now too as we get more adjusted to the home being a bit emptier xx

My husband was working a night shift so I decided to take them for a walk through the forest in the rain alone. I did this because when it's raining there are no other dogs out so they get in less fights. They don't attack but bark and bark. I thought I was being good by walking them. The big dog hates the car. When he senses we are walking back to the car he tries to run away. He will run away, hide for a bit and then prance back into almost an arm's reach and then bounce away again. Normally after running around for 10-20 minutes, attempting to trick him and attempts to grab him I could get him and put him on a lead, so that he was safe walking past the road. But 2 nights ago he was taking it to extremes. I must have spent 30 mins just trying to grab him. In the end I decided to take the smaller dog to the car. I sat in it and watched as Sony walked down the hill bit by bit towards the car. He goes past the gate behind the car and I get out and try to call him over. He runs away. I wait again and next he comes right up against the car. This time I get out with treats. He doesn't care about them and runs away. So far it's been 40-50 minutes of me trying to catch him. I ring my husband but my phone is playing up and wont connect properly. I see he is now in front of the car but I didn't think he would go so far as the road. I text my husband and when I look up he has actually crossed the road into the field. I panic and decide to drive around the corner, hoping he would panic seeing me leave. After a minute I drive back to where he is. He recognises the car and bounces over as if he's happy I'm back. I get out of the car thinking he would come over. Nope he bounces away again. I actually open the windows thinking he would come over if I'm not out of the vehicle and I can maybe grab him. But by now it's pouring and my business papers are getting soaked. The look he is giving me is one of defiance, as if to say "I'm not getting in the car and there's nothing you can do about it." I decide to take the little dog home because he is crying and struggling by this stage being in the boot so long. I think I can get my husband and we can corner him together. I am only away a few minutes but by the time I get back he has been hit and a car is damaged. Thankfully no human is injured. He died without me or my husband. But I failed. What I should have done was waited at the gate and blocked it so he couldn't get past me. My husband was coming so I could have stayed there, I just didn't know how long he would be or if he was definitely coming because the stupid phone kept cutting out. But I was tired and soaked by this stage. I really didn't think he would run into the road when a car was there. Now I will never see his fluffy smile again. I had plans for his future, hikes together and a ham bone I hadn't given to him yet. I just hate myself. I really loved him. Now my little dog has realised something is wrong and keeps crying and looking for him. He was only a year and a half old which makes me feel so bad because I should have protected him for at least another 8 years minimum. I hear people on this site and others talk about seeing them in the next life or even in dreams. I hope that's true because I can't bear not seeing him again. I found out his name was Sunny, not Sony. I heard it wrong when I picked him up the first time. I like this because it makes me think he is somewhere warm and bright. This is now the biggest mistake of my life. Do you think I did enough? I tried so hard but the one thing I could have done to save him I didn't do. <3 Sony <3