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Wendy22

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Everything posted by Wendy22

  1. That day keeps replaying over and over in my head. That what ifs are killing me. I saw them going crazy chasing something. I knew how they were and what they were capable of and I didn't stop what I was doing and got distracted. That split second is haunting me. My God, what I would give for that moment back. I know in my head I can't change it, I really do, but I can't make me broken heart understand that. The quietness of our house is brutal. The sadness in the faces of my boys. The fact that my husband is trying so hard to stay busy. It's all too much.
  2. Oh, how similar our stories are. They would run off and come back the same way. Dirty, ticks, pads torn up. I'd always be mad for a minute, but their sweet faces didn't let me stay that way. I would be so grateful and think in the back of my head, I won't let this ever happen again. Yet it did and their luck ran out. These fur babies were a huge part of the heart of our household. Our Remi, the full beagle was so in love with me! He followed me everywhere. Cried at the bathroom door if I shut it. Slept in between me and my husband, with his paws in my back so he could always be touching me. Wherever I was, he was. We were bonded like no dog I had ever had. And I only had him for five short years. Then there's my Baxter. He was a goofball and quite a weirdo sometimes. He would kiss your face off and then would just walk away. We always said he was like a cat in a dogs body. He was my oldest sons best friend. My son who had to hold him and watch him pass while trying to give him CPR. My son who now will have to live with that forever. That's the biggest part of this. I know everyone says it's not my fault. Of course, no one will say that it is. No one is that cruel to say it. However, the bottom line is it IS my fault. I could have prevented this if I hadnt gotten distracted. Period. Not saying it wouldn't have happened another time, in a different way, but it happened this time, in the most horrible way. That vision will never leave me and I will never, ever be the same person. I'm so unbearably sad and angry at the same time. So, so angry!! Why both of them at the same time?? Why would God do this to me? To my family? I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Always. Not this time. I will never, ever believe that there is a reason for this.
  3. My precious babies loved to dog out of our back hard. One being beagle and one a beagle mix. We always watch them like hawks and check on them all the time because of this. I was watching them. I saw them chasing something in the yard and I yelled for them to stop. I was on the phone and went in for a second and I got distracted. They got out and all the blame lies with me. They always just go play in the woods behind our house and come back. But they didn't. I waited and waited for that scratch on the door. By early morning, I could take it and went looking. As i was driving, I got a call from someone describing one of them and he point blank said he's dead. Hit by a car. I raced home to get my husband and the other one was laying in the garage, not in good shape, but we didn't think life threatening at that moment. He starting getting labored breathing and going downhill fast, so my husband and 17 year old son raced him to the emergency vet and he died in my sons arms on the way.According to our vet, he probably got hit watching over the other one. I am dying inside. If I would have just stopped the moment I saw them trying to get out. If I just would've gotten off the phone and brought them in. I'm consumed with guilt and grief like I've never experienced in my life. It is a cruel, unbearable pain. I don't know what to do. I can't even begin to function. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even get out of bed.
  4. I lost two of my fur babies on Sunday. I am drowning in grief and guilt and I see no way out.
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