clj21849

The first anniversary of my mother-in-law's passing is coming closer (November 28, 2016), and I would like to do something special, but I am really at a loss of ideas. We released balloons for her first Birthday in heaven, and that was nice. November is going to be a rough month for my family. My husband's birthday is November 12 (first one without his mom), then Thanksgiving, then her anniversary. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Thank you all for all your help, thoughts, and prayers. I like you Miss NGU was "happy" to find this group, just to understand that I am not the only one out there that is going through this pain. Please allow me to clarify my husband's quote. My mother-in-law had 2 of her biological children "stolen" from her by her sister-in-law when they were little. They had a relationship with my mother-in-law as well as their adopted mom. They were still treated as brothers and sisters by my husband and his other brother. So when he said they would loose their mom one day he actually means his aunt who adopted them. His family tree is extremelly strange, lol. I personally have recovered from my accident, and thank you all for your concern. I have to admit at times I was ready to just give up, but I found the strength to carry on. kayc I begged my husband not to call anyone when i had my accident. I did not want us to have to deal with the attention, questions, or gossip that would come with everyone finding out. The only people we told we his mom, and my parents. They lived the closest to us, and were a huge help, without any hassle. I honestly do believe that his siblings are very jealous of our relationship with his Mom. She was a wonderful, loving, caring person, even though she struggled every day of her life from her disabilities. My husband was the only one who stuck by his mom, and helped her out all throughout his life. But at the same time I know that his siblings had the same opportunities to do that, but chose not to, so maybe their own guilt is keeping them away? People are the most complex beings in the world full of constant changing emotions - no wonder we can't understand why people do what they do. Marty - I completely understand your statement, and I understand that I can't "fix" it, but the Mom part of me wants to take away the pain, even if I have to absorb it into myself. I do completely agree that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and I understand that there are multiple levels/layers of grief, so I have been able to "run the gammet of emotions with him," without thinking he is loosing his mind.

thank you Kayc for your reply. Unfortunately these are my husband's siblings - not cousins. That is what makes this sooo hard! I do not mean that I wish them any harm, but i honestly feel that if just for a few minutes someone treated them as badly as we have been treated that they may actually understand. I still pray for each and everyone of them every night. At times I feel like a fool for even allowing them a minute of my thoughts. My husband has withdrawn so much since his mom has passed. He is no longer the same person I met or married. He has become hardened due to all of this unfortunately. He constantly questions what he did to deserve any of this. I am lost and don't know what else I can do to help him. He isn't ready to open up and talk to a therapist - and may never. Right now our son and I are his sounding board, which we are completely fine with, but we don' t have all the answers. This is his first major loss, and with it being his mom, it is even harder. Thank you for taking the time to respond, and for your thoughts and prayers, it really means alot.

thanks Kayc for the encouragement. Funny you mention her love and appreciation for me, because she actually called me the night before she died just to tell me that She always felt like I was her daughter not in law, but in love, and she expressed her love for me, and that she would always love me and be there for me no matter what. She passed away at 5 am the next morning. I honestly felt like she knew she wasn't going to be here much longer and wanted me to know that I mattered to her and her life. I think about that conversation alot, and still cry everytime.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I lost my mother in law in November 2016, and she was cremated. My husband and I were actually approached at the memorial service with the request of "we want some of Mom." Not exactly the time nor place to bring it up, nor to actually do it there. My husband became distraught immediately. He agreed that they would each receive some of Mom but it would not be that day. I like you had an issue with dividing her ashes, but when the time came it was me that had to do it. I cried like a baby the entire time, felt like my heart was being pulled out. I completely understand the desire to have a loved one close by, so I was torn because it was their Mom, but at the same time she should be whole. I was torn by this for quite awhile, but then I realize one day, Mom loved everyone, and would want everyone happy. So if this made them happy to have a piece of mom's ashes who was I to stand in the way.

I have just found this group - it was like a perfect destination for my wandering lost soul to find. I appologize in advance for invading your thread but I feel like I am going to explode if I don't get my feelings out. A little history first - I had a severe car accident in September 2016, requiring surgery for multiple breaks in my leg. My dear sweet disabled mother - in - law was fine at the time. With in 2 months of my car accident she suddenly passed away. My husband is her youngest child out of 4, and he was a mama's boy, but if you ever met this woman you would completely understand. We live the closest to her, so we were the first to know. I made all the phone calls, and all the arrangements on crutches. We had a memorial service for her, and I heard alot of unkind things at the service. no one in the family knew about my car accident - they all wanted to slam me by saying you should have called, we would have been here for you. I was even told at the service that I do clean up nice. I have tried hard to bury all this behind me, and I have stood by my husband's side through it all. I am the one who for the past 15 years told him how important family was. After the service, we haven't heard from ANYONE in his family! No one - not a soul! They have driven right by our house to get to the beach, and posted pictures online. My husband is hurting still, and I know the anniversary of her death is going to be really hard. I personally am hurting, full of rage, and feel like a fool for telling him all these years how important family was. I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I want to scream at everyone of them. My husband says that it is ok, because one of these days they will all loose their mother, and personally i hope they are each subjected to the same pain that they have put us through!