It has been 8 months today since I lost my love, Kyle. No one has mentioned Kyle's name today except for me and his mother. How is this possible? How does my family not know how much pain I am in? This seems unbearable at times. I feel as though I go in and out of all of the grief stages in one day. I know he is not here physically, but to me he still is. I lost my best friend, my future, and the love of my life. Sometimes I feel like all people can compare my loss to is a break-up or a divorce. Does anyone feel this way? I understand that no one around me know what it is like to lose the love of your life.... which makes me feel even more alone... and I thought that wasn't possible. No one knows what to say, but I really just want them to ask me about him or share a memory. I want to hear his name out loud.
I try to hold my head up for Kyle. I know that's what he would want me to do, but this is so difficult. I am constantly reminded of his death, memories, our planned future, flashback of finding him, etc. When people compliment my new house I can't help but think, "well it's not me and Kyle's house anymore so who cares." Nothing is the same without him. The world seems gray. I know I have the rest of my life, but most of the time I don't want it... not without him. Having the rest of my life will never take this pain away. I find myself constantly zoning out when people are talking to me... As if they even notice. People are so caught up in their lives. I feel as though I'm suffering alone in the world around me. Sorry there wasn't much positive content in this post, today has been one of those days.