fisherman

I was doing really well with everything and i feel like i took 2 steps backwards last night. I have been doing really well with the "no relationship talk" no i miss u, showing her i do have a life! I could feel her coming back to me. She invited me over friday evening, but i declined because i already made plans to watch the baseball game with friends. This is part of the new me, she isn't used to that, normally i would have been over in a flash. I took her up on the invite the next day and her mood was so good when i got there i just loved it. She was flirty, i could tell she missed me. She wanted me to stay the night, go to her sons baseball game the next day, everything just felt like normal again. Until!! Trick or treat comes around. She didn't invite me. This really hurt my feelings and after a couple of beers i felt bold enough to tell her it hurt my feelings and i said it actually made me a little mad. I reminded her of how much fun we all had last halloween. Well, she responded and told me it was her dads birthday and he was all alone, and she was having trouble with her sons father. Anyways now it all feels wrong again, i feel like i pushed her away again just when she was coming back to me. Our communication was picking up and now today its flat, dead. Not sure how to recover from this, or even if i was in the wrong for expressing how something made me feel.

The one thing i know from this is im learning a lot about myself. Realizing just how needy i am and how much up her butt ive been. Its funny when i fall in love it seems i let the rest of my life go and get tunnel vision on her. This “space” has made me take a step back and see that. So if we work out, im not making that mistake again, i will keep making “guy time” go fishing, visit family more etc... I totally stopped all of this for her. After writing my previous post Im realizing the error in my ways, just something about writing and knowing others are reading it does this for me, interesting. Such great advice here too, other people i talk to just don’t get it. So after a silent day yesterday, out of no where last night BOOM she starts messaging me about the astros game, so we kept up with the game with each other thru messages. Giving her healthy space I believe is just what the Doctor ordered for this relationship to make it, i just need to survive those rough times and battle thru them, thats when i come back here and read to get strength. So just what is giving space? Can i ever initiate a convo? Or do I wait for her to always start the conversation? Thanks again for y’alls time. Very much appreciated.

I thought about what you said about showing empathy and that is what ive been doing from day one. Days like today are hard because she has been totally silent. This is when it gets rough. My thoughts wander. My friends dont help the situation any because they say i need to leave her and how she is doing me wrong. They just don’t understand grief. When she goes silent i start to really worry, should i reach out, isn’t she thinking about me, i worry if i give too much space that it could become the new normal. We don’t even talk on the phone, its all snap chat and text. I get so many mixed signals. The best thing that has happened is finding this website, im learning. This is all new to me. I dont want to lose her.

I don't want to play games, you're right, i just want to do whatever it takes to get her back. Im not seeking anyone else it just felt good to get that attention, not really sure how to explain it. This is just really tough, i go through emotional waves, up and downs, I almost want her to feel she could lose me "like getting hit over the head with a frying pan" and try to wake her up. I also don't want to seem like a push over and that she can just run all over me, and i'm just here at her beck and call. Isn't that a turn off? So maybe giving her the cold shoulder is the wrong way to go about it, i just want to come off like i'm really busy and happy. right? Keep it friendly?

Reflecting back on my birthday weekend really starts to make me think things are not as good as i had hoped. All that i have put in this relationship and all i get is a phone call and a few snap chat happy bday. No attempt to make plans, not even a card! nothing. Since seeing each other friday night, our communication has picked up, but it feels more friendly than anything, like im communicating with my sister or something. I miss her being interested in me, now i really just feel like im only here to keep her from feeling completely lonely. I went out with my buddy sunday night to play darts and i met another girl. I invited her to play darts and we hit it off, it felt really good to get this kind of attention again. I would never have done this had i not felt neglected. Im not pursuing this new girl, yet, but it just felt good. Is this cheating? Im confused. I want my girlfriend back, my friend showed me text messages of how his girlfriend communicates with him and its how mine used to communicate with me, showed interest. i miss that. So today i think im going to start giving my girlfriend the cold shoulder, i will respond, just with one word responses. Feeling neglected and a little used right now. Heading to the gym now. Thanks for reading. Feels good to vent.

Hello, I will start my story first with a background of my history. I had a rough childhood, mother was addicted to cocaine then crack which led to aids. My father was a vietnam vet who became an alcoholic and spent most of my childhood in prison due to DWI's. Both parents have passed away and strangely it did not affect me at all. My uncle who is a cardiologist and my aunt a nurse help guide me as a child and i turned out pretty well. Im 39 never married, been in love 3 times, i have however been with a few hundred women and only loved 3. The first 2 loves dumped me and it was completely devastating. I am now with the 3rd girl i have ever loved. We met about 2 years ago and it was fireworks. Its so nice when you actually like someone so much and its mutual. The fireworks of course ended when her mother passed. No need to go into details, you guys have heard them all by now. The first week after her mother passed i was the only person she wanted around, she shut everyone out. All her friends were texting me wanting to help and she wanted nothing to do with them. I would tell her "hey your friends want to let you know they are here for you" she would exclaim " i have everyone here i need right now!!!" meaning me. I was so glad i was the one she needed and could not imagine being one of the ones she shut out. So, before her mother passed we planned a trip to costa rica, after debating going she said her mother would have wanted to her to go and so we went. Had a good time, she did have her ups and downs but the place is beautiful and we soaked it up. We were still doing well at this point, she would be a little distant at times but i understood. Now 3 months afterwards she has now become completely distant from me as the grief is in full force now. We would go weeks without talking only using snap chat as means of communication. I wanted to give her the space she needs but its so hard, i have so many thoughts that go through my head, is she seeing someone else, did she lose interest in me. I ask so many different people for advice and most guys are like "thats weird, she shouldn't treat a man like that, she should want you there for her if she is hurting" and she must be seeing someone else. So i go through all kinds of ups and downs. Its been so hard, i don't eat, it is affecting my work, the feelings of her leaving me are devastating to me. She stopped telling me that she loves me, no longer uses our pet names like BOO, BABY, actually called me by my name which was strange. She is a horrible communicator but i knew this going into the relationship. My birthday was 2 days ago and i thought for sure she would set something up, nope, i got the typical happy bday text in the morn, a phone call later in day, and that was it, no dinner plans, nothing. So in the phone call i put her on the spot and asked "what are we cause i dont know anymore" she said she doesn't even know who she is anymore, said she was in the twilight zone, and just focusing on her kids tryin to get thru each day. I then said i understand and i backed off the relationship talk, i said thank you and explained all the negative thoughts i was having because she leaves me in the dark, she said she was sorry and i then shifted the conversation to a more understanding convo. I said im here for you, what you are going thru is normal, let me know when you want to see me, im not needy but give me just a little sometimes just so i know we still have something. I felt so much better after having this talk. Then i found this website and it was a God send. Gave me a whole new perspective. I now don't take her cold shoulder personal. So i think we may have had a breakthrough, i met up with her two nights ago after the Astros won game 6 WHOOP!!! We met at her house and it was like fireworks all over again, i spent the night and next day i helped her around the house, mowed, picked up, got her breakfast. And wouldn't you know she called me BABY again!!! Im now ok with giving her space because i understand why. I am spending more time with my friends and thinking of getting back in the gym. Her sister told me that she doesn't have time to grieve and hurt me, so i think she just wants me to do my own thing for awhile and not depend on her for happiness right now. So thats where i am now, this website has saved my sanity.