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About hollybaby02

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  1. its me again. I am having a really hard time with the 'after the holidays blues'. I have been sick with pregnancy complications up til now but now that I am better I have been missing her so much. I hate this, I keep asking God why He took my baby and didnt take me as well. I'm not suicidal or anything I just want to be in Heaven with her. Why me, why do I have to suffer this way. I thought I was getting over that time and I was going on with my life. Nobody wants to hear about my pain anymore. They tell me things like 'its time to move on' or 'just smile'. Stupid people who have no idea what I'm going through giving me stupid advice. Like its sooo easy to just forget about it and move on. Thank you for listening to me vent! Tabbi
  2. sometimes all I have is God to listen to my cries too. I can always cry on his shoulder when nobody else is around. I thank Him for that everyday. Tabbi
  3. I am having a hard time knowing how I am suppose to feel. Sometimes I feel sad that I didnt have the time I wanted with my baby. Sometimes I am happy because I know she is in heaven and Jesus is taking care of her. Sometimes I dont feel anything at all when I look at her pictures and face. Mostly I feel angry at her father for not being there for us when we needed him. I am an emotional rollercoaster and I want to get off this ride! Tabbi
  4. On October 19 of this year I lost my baby when I was 5 months pregnant. I was having what I thought was just a virus. I was having horrible stomach pains along with vomiting. It hurt so bad that I went to the hospital. After I was admitted I was told that I had to deliver right then or both of us were going to die. I had been developing HELLP syndrome which is a very rare form of preclampcia for 3 weeks. The next week of my life was pure hell. They had to induce laborthat night but my cervix was not dialating so they had to stick a balloon into my cervix and blow it up to make it dialate. As soon as the labor pains started I started to cry becuase I knew that was the last few minutes of my precious babies life. After she came which was at 3:51 the afternoon of October 19 I just held her little body until about 9:00 that night. The day after I delivered her the HELLP syndrome came back worse than ever. Long story short I had to spend 2 days in the ICU. They still didnt want to let me go so they put me in the womens ward for 2 days. That is my story of how I lost my baby. Tabbi
  5. On October 19 I lost my baby. I was 5 months pregnant. I had a rare form of preaclampcia called HELLP syndrome. The disease almost took my life as well. I spent a week in the hospital because after I delivered it came back. It was a monster that never gave up. It wanted to take my life and only by the grace of God I am still alive.
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