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Khart12

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  1. I don't really know how to start this but I'm just so lost my Dad passed away on September 1st, 2017 just at 58 years old and losing his has been most horrible thing I have ever gone through and what hurts the most exactly a week before him and I got into one of the worst fights we have ever had I said the most hurtful and heartless things a daughter could ever say to her father and I hate myself so much for that be the last things we ever will hear from me again when I got the first voicemail from my step mom saying he was on his way to the hospital I just thought oh he's fine he's just going cause the pain in his legs cause him going tonthe hospital wasn't unusual for him and not even 5mins later I got another voicemail from my sister-in law telling me that he passed away I lost it and ever since I heard those words i lost myself I'm this depressed lost person who pushes everyone who loves me away I feel like I don't deserve to be happy or loved I keep telling myself no one loves or cares about me and I'm believing it I'm so stuck in my head and I can't Escape all I want is for this pain to go away I'm starting to think if I just disappear everyone would be happier I am having Suicidal Thoughts but I know in my broken heart I would never kill myself but I am having those thoughts im just so lost and just want my dad back he's my hero he saved me from my birth mom and her husband who did things to me when I was just two years old I jist need my daddy back so bad I hate having all this PAIN I just want it to go away
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