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Rae1991

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About Rae1991

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    NA
  • Date of Death
    2010,2011
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Chicago

Recent Profile Visitors

830 profile views
  1. I agree completely with Kayc, as I recently experienced my now ex saying something similar to yours, that his feelings have changed, but for different reasons. Love is a choice, and it doesn't dissolve when things get hard. You are not being selfish when it comes to protecting yourself first, that's what he's currently doing: Protecting himself. You are right here, you cannot fight alone if the other person won't even get into the ring. My now ex, the same thing happened when he felt a tinge of discomfort, he ran away and broke the relationship. The reasons he dumped me were fixable an
  2. I wonder about that myself sometimes too, how I ended up befriending/dating so many careless, broken people. I have realized now it's because they want what we have: self-awareness, smarts, confidence, emotional maturity and IQ, and self-respect. As if these things just popped up one day in our lives and we didn't have to work to get them *eyeroll* So instead of doing the work themselves, I've found especially when it comes to men, they are taught and expect the women in their lives to give them these things and do the emotional labor for them in most aspects of the relationship. My ex, a
  3. Thank you, Kayc. You are one of the kindest, most compassionate people I have ever come across. You have helped hundreds of people on this blog with your advice, vulnerability and willingness to share so much of your life with strangers. I commend your depth of empathy and compassion, and ability to get through so much heartbreak and grief. Jim was lucky to call you his, and he should be grateful you've allowed him to stay in your life at all. Something I noticed now that I have had time to reflect. He has Hero/Savior Complex. Always looking for validation through helping people and tryin
  4. Thank you, Marty. And Kay for your words. I know I will be okay eventually and that I did what was best for myself. I know its no longer my concern, but I feel sad for his son. Both of his parents are proud, broken, stubborn people who feel they don't need to change and their problems will only be thrust unto that boy as he ages. He's bright, kind and spirited and his parents' problems only serve to dull his shine. I have already begun to reconcile the relationship and realize that I was set up for failure from the start. I am doing surprisingly well for it only being a week. I think abou
  5. Thanks Kayc. What I don't understand is his desperate need to be friends. It is just selfish and completely self-serving, expecting me to cast my feelings and needs aside to give him what he wants. I cannot believe he actually thought I would agree to that because he so easily discarded a relationship he was adamant he wanted for months. He violated so many things, and then acted like his friendship would fix all of it because thats HIS comfort zone. He is confused, deeply insecure and frankly, undeserving of my friendship, time and love. All he is going to do is run through every womans
  6. I (29F) had been close friends with my now ex-boyfriend (36M) for close to a year before we began officially dating. We were together as a couple for 6 months. We met through my mother, as they were once coworkers who have since reconnected, and she invited him over for a few family gatherings because she thought he'd fit right in with us, and he did. We developed a great friendship, have many things in common (video games, the same books/fave authors, music, etc) and even though we disagreed on a number of things, were able to discuss them with civility and learn about the others viewpoints,
  7. Hi, thank you for sharing your story. Almost relationships are just as valid and hard to move on from as "official" relationships, and those feelings and connections you felt are real. I would say try to keep things casual, friendly and light upon initial contact (if there is any). But yes, if you feel ready and up to it, do go back on the site and continue on as you normally would without the expectation she will contact you. You could reach out to her and ask how she has been, but if you feel it may evoke the same behavior you experienced during your first interaction with her not respo
  8. I second this wholeheartedly. I understand it's really hard not to take such rejection personally, but at some point, you have to accept she just isn't right for you. It took me over a year to feel fully ready, emotionally, to move forward from Joe. I tried to rush it by going on dates and being set up by friends. It just made me feel empty and worse off because all I did was compare them to him, never giving them a fair chance, because I wasn't ready and didn't want to date again, I did because I assumed it's just what everyone did. These days, I would rather be friends first and then en
  9. I am so sorry it set you back, but at least now you know where she stands and you understand fully that NC is truly the best option you have to move forward and find someone else who values you. I went through this with Tim, when his dad first died and he didn't respond to my messages for a week. Then for weeks after he said he didn't want to break up, he still didn't respond and the empty feeling of rejection and abandonment set in. I think that's why I ended up taking him back, because he created a void and then simultaneously claimed he was going to fill it, and all he did was make the void
  10. As far as the advice goes on red flags, I will post articles and video links because they can explain it in a way that is more concise and relatable than I could. There's also thousands of others available. Mind you, take this advice with a grain of salt as there are variances and some dating advice is just bad, and being able to see this behavior is a good way to spot these in yourself as well so you can work on them and improve yourself. Remember dating is a lot of trial and error, stop putting so much energy into and pressure on yourself and your dates. If they're not what you want, or vice
  11. You seem to be about the age I was when Joe (my first boyfriend ever, and ex before I dated Tim) and I broke up, I was 21 and he was 25, we were engaged, living together and had been together since I was 14. Joe cheated for a year before finally deciding to tell me "he loved me, but liked her..." he left me for a 16 year old girl. In 2016, about 3 months after things ended for good between Tim and I, and I was leaving the city to move for work, he finally apologized for how he treated me. Joe explained that had he met me now (2016) he would've been able to commit and marry me because he had gr
  12. She is sending mixed signals, plain and simple. She is confused and unsure of what she wants, and she's bringing you into her confusion, even if unintentionally. Have you ever heard the saying "misery loves company?" Well, so does confusion. That's not fair to you. While her intent may not be malicious, it still affects you in a negative way and keeps you holding onto the hope that she may get back together in the future. If she chooses not to resume the relationship, it will only crush you all over again. I know this from experience. 5 years ago, my then boyfriend of about 18 months Tim
  13. First, I am sorry this has happened to you. If you read through most other stories, they are similar when a partner is dealing with grief, mine was. My ex-boyfriend of nearly 2 years blindsided me after his father died. He didn't actually break-up with me, he just disappeared and then came back 3 months later. That was 4.5 years ago and we haven't spoken since. I am grateful he left, it allowed me to move forward with my life, move to a new city and realize that my need for relationships and the guys I was dating, was not coming from a healthy place. First I will tell you, do not reach ou
  14. I echo everything Kayc has said here. I can vouch for all of this, as I have been both the griever and the dumpee of the griever. My ex-fiance, Joe, almost left me (as he was right to do) after I had lost both my grandfather and best friend in the span of a year. I abandoned our relationship, emotionally and otherwise because I didn't know what else to do. I was hurt, confused, lost and severely depressed, and everything else in my life fell by the wayside. I almost lost my job, twice, because I couldn't focus, was constantly distracted or would call-in multiple times a week. I also dropp
  15. Yep. Many people have dated "this person." And you are correct that their damage damages others. Hurt people, hurt people. And yes, the most important things you can do is remember who the f*** you are, and that you had a life before him, and will after him, without his participation or permission. You're an individual and that should never be compromised by or for a relationship. Ironically, the last time I talked to Tim was when we were leaving his apartment to head to work, and he told me he loved me....then stood me up later that night, and I ended the relationship the next day. 2 months l
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