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Rae1991

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About Rae1991

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    NA
  • Date of Death
    2010,2011
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Chicago

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  1. Hi, thank you for sharing your story. Almost relationships are just as valid and hard to move on from as "official" relationships, and those feelings and connections you felt are real. I would say try to keep things casual, friendly and light upon initial contact (if there is any). But yes, if you feel ready and up to it, do go back on the site and continue on as you normally would without the expectation she will contact you. You could reach out to her and ask how she has been, but if you feel it may evoke the same behavior you experienced during your first interaction with her not respo
  2. I second this wholeheartedly. I understand it's really hard not to take such rejection personally, but at some point, you have to accept she just isn't right for you. It took me over a year to feel fully ready, emotionally, to move forward from Joe. I tried to rush it by going on dates and being set up by friends. It just made me feel empty and worse off because all I did was compare them to him, never giving them a fair chance, because I wasn't ready and didn't want to date again, I did because I assumed it's just what everyone did. These days, I would rather be friends first and then en
  3. I am so sorry it set you back, but at least now you know where she stands and you understand fully that NC is truly the best option you have to move forward and find someone else who values you. I went through this with Tim, when his dad first died and he didn't respond to my messages for a week. Then for weeks after he said he didn't want to break up, he still didn't respond and the empty feeling of rejection and abandonment set in. I think that's why I ended up taking him back, because he created a void and then simultaneously claimed he was going to fill it, and all he did was make the void
  4. As far as the advice goes on red flags, I will post articles and video links because they can explain it in a way that is more concise and relatable than I could. There's also thousands of others available. Mind you, take this advice with a grain of salt as there are variances and some dating advice is just bad, and being able to see this behavior is a good way to spot these in yourself as well so you can work on them and improve yourself. Remember dating is a lot of trial and error, stop putting so much energy into and pressure on yourself and your dates. If they're not what you want, or vice
  5. You seem to be about the age I was when Joe (my first boyfriend ever, and ex before I dated Tim) and I broke up, I was 21 and he was 25, we were engaged, living together and had been together since I was 14. Joe cheated for a year before finally deciding to tell me "he loved me, but liked her..." he left me for a 16 year old girl. In 2016, about 3 months after things ended for good between Tim and I, and I was leaving the city to move for work, he finally apologized for how he treated me. Joe explained that had he met me now (2016) he would've been able to commit and marry me because he had gr
  6. She is sending mixed signals, plain and simple. She is confused and unsure of what she wants, and she's bringing you into her confusion, even if unintentionally. Have you ever heard the saying "misery loves company?" Well, so does confusion. That's not fair to you. While her intent may not be malicious, it still affects you in a negative way and keeps you holding onto the hope that she may get back together in the future. If she chooses not to resume the relationship, it will only crush you all over again. I know this from experience. 5 years ago, my then boyfriend of about 18 months Tim
  7. First, I am sorry this has happened to you. If you read through most other stories, they are similar when a partner is dealing with grief, mine was. My ex-boyfriend of nearly 2 years blindsided me after his father died. He didn't actually break-up with me, he just disappeared and then came back 3 months later. That was 4.5 years ago and we haven't spoken since. I am grateful he left, it allowed me to move forward with my life, move to a new city and realize that my need for relationships and the guys I was dating, was not coming from a healthy place. First I will tell you, do not reach ou
  8. I echo everything Kayc has said here. I can vouch for all of this, as I have been both the griever and the dumpee of the griever. My ex-fiance, Joe, almost left me (as he was right to do) after I had lost both my grandfather and best friend in the span of a year. I abandoned our relationship, emotionally and otherwise because I didn't know what else to do. I was hurt, confused, lost and severely depressed, and everything else in my life fell by the wayside. I almost lost my job, twice, because I couldn't focus, was constantly distracted or would call-in multiple times a week. I also dropp
  9. Yep. Many people have dated "this person." And you are correct that their damage damages others. Hurt people, hurt people. And yes, the most important things you can do is remember who the f*** you are, and that you had a life before him, and will after him, without his participation or permission. You're an individual and that should never be compromised by or for a relationship. Ironically, the last time I talked to Tim was when we were leaving his apartment to head to work, and he told me he loved me....then stood me up later that night, and I ended the relationship the next day. 2 months l
  10. Edited to add: This guy is doing what I've learned to call a "Temperature Check." Putting the feelers out there with a seemingly innocent "hey how are you?" and seeing what your temperature is: warm and receptive to his "friendliness" aka low-key bootycall, or scalding hot, indifferent and unwelcome. Be the latter. When he comes around for his "temperature checks," do yourself a favor and burn him. If you remain receptive and lukewarm to his "textual advances," they will not stop because now he knows you still have a weak spot he can weasel his way into with words. Don't let him. You woul
  11. This is absolutely true. As with both my two previous committed/long-term relationships, one where I was the griever (though we didn't break up, my behavior damaged our relationship), and then later the dumpee of a griever. These emotional, trust and self-esteem problems were long-standing, only buried and brought to the surface when the hardship of grief exposed them. It was absolutely a barrier, and definitely becomes one when one party emotionally checks out and/or can only go so far in a relationship before their pattern of previous behaviors, such as emotional unavailability or fe
  12. I absolutely agree with this. I also agree with this, except that you probably should change your number if his texts bother you this much. This man is emotionally lazy, manipulative and fishing to see if anyone he casts a signal at will be receptive. He's clearly done this before, as you've explained more than once in your posts from last year. He does not deserve another moment of your headspace or time. And absolutely YES, his attempts to retain you as a friend are absolutely an ego boost for him, if it wasn't, why would he still have close personal relationships with any of hi
  13. This is exactly how I felt when my boyfriend of 2 years left me without explanation in late 2015 after his father suddenly died. He then tried to work things out three months later in 2016, only to disappear again. I cut contact with him after that, haven't spoken to him since and have moved forward. I realized in the months after the same things you have, that for him, love was not a verb, but a self-serving feeling that he didn't feel any responsibility for saying to another person. It was devastating to me because he seemed loving and like any regular great boyfriend should be. But loo
  14. Print this out, frame it and hang it everywhere! You're learning from your experiences and that of others, and that's a great thing. It took me probably 6 months to be able to get where you are, but my apartment got really clean and my workout routine definitely increased, too! Don't feel like a coward, it wasn't you, it was her and you need to do what you feel is best for yourself. If anything, it's a test of one's strength to stop yourself from giving into the temptation of contact, that feeling and rush it gives you is alluring because the one thing you desire is on the other s
  15. This is fantastic. Begging for forgiveness, especially in this context, is not necessary. Giving him space and respecting his boundaries does not guarantee he or his family will show you respect. As stated previously, do not beg for these things. They will either respect you, or they won't, don't hope that they will or think you deserve it from them, because then you're still hoping they will give you something that you may never receive. I completely understand, when my ex Tim ghosted me twice after his dad died suddenly, I felt I deserved (and he owed me) respect from him and an apol
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