Shoosie2

Hi Katie32188 I am very sorry for your loss- we've all joined a club no one wants to be in. In response for your question, see page 3 - Has anyone had anything 'strange' happen in your house since your spouse passed? Lots of folks posted replies, myself included. I am almost 9 months out, and it does get a bit easier, but just be gentle with yourself. Please don't beat yourself up, but I know your guilt. My brother died of cancer caused by alcoholism, so I get it. Just keep posting and reading, and seek out supportive people. I've been blessed with a wonderful bereavement counselor, and she really has helped me over the last 2 months. Peace to all of us Steph

MB I am SO sorry this sleeze took advantage of your vulnerable situation. KayC gave you good connections on the Sexual Abuse Hotline. While I understand the feelings right now of not wanting to involve Law Enforcement, it would still be good to have this assault on record somewhere. I don't know if there is a statute of limitations on sexual assault, but later on, when you feel strong enough, you may think 'hey, you S___T- you don't get off scott-free and do this to some other vulnerable woman!' Just know that we are all there for you and supporting you through whatever decision you make. Please don't blame yourself- he's the one who assaulted you, not the other way around. Be gentle with yourself. Grad school will be a busy time for you, and your grief only complicates the workload. You are making in-roads to a new life, so give yourself LOTS of kudos for stepping forward! Well done and onward! Peace to all my grief brothers and sisters Steph

thank you all for your replies, and of course privacy and confidentiality is paramount!

This may not be allowed on this site due to privacy concerns, so maybe someone can answer my question. As there are so many of us struggling with our grief journey, and we all understand other member's losses, is it permitted to post our phone numbers to reach out and actually talk to others here when we are having a bad day? Just asking. thanks Steph

RLdownes I'm sorry all of us have to go through crappy anniversaries like what you are preparing to do. I'm almost 6 months out, but when my first year comes without my Rick, I will rejoice that he's not here in pain and suffering, and I am grateful that his cancer journey was blessedly short. Of course we all miss our sig. others/spouses, but I don't think there's one person here who would want them back if they still had to suffer. Sure, it sucks that Rick got cancer, but at least he was able to get out fast. I know he didn't want to leave me, but his body gave out. I try to visualize him being happy and healthy again, and I know that he's happy being reunited with his deceased loved ones. We all will get reunited again, and now I'm trying to live for Rick, too, since he can't be here in the flesh, but I know he's here with me at times. I wish you peace tomorrow, Robin. Maybe something totally selfish would be in order, like a spa day to pamper yourself to help get through the day, or some retail therapy. Steph

Hi everyone On another grief message board, someone posted this beautiful poem. TomPB, there a few lines that may particularly resonate with you. Sonnet 89 - Pablo Neruda When I die, I want your hands on my eyes: I want the light and wheat of your beloved hands to pass their freshness over me once more: I want to feel the softness that changed my destiny. I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep. I want your ears still to hear the wind, I want you to sniff the sea's aroma that we loved together, to continue to walk on the sand we walked on. I want what I love to continue to live, and you whom I love and sang above everything else to continue to flourish, full-flowered: so that you can reach everything my love directs you to. so that my shadow can travel along in your hair, so that everything can learn the reason for my song. And LindaE- you took the words right out of my mouth F them all if they can't support you!!! Peace Steph

Here's something I just ran across on the state of loneliness in America. We are not the only ones feeling this way, although our reason is very different, but the end result is the same. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/05/01/606588504/americans-are-a-lonely-lot-and-young-people-bear-the-heaviest-burden Peace Steph

Marg M I got a Life Alert as a 61st birthday present to myself last week. It's worn like a wristwatch. I live 45 minutes to any one of 3 hospitals, but it's still 45 minutes. My neighbors aren't close by, so as a matter of self care. My sister had been with me every day in the guest house since my Rick passed 12/20/17, but the second week of April, she drove back to her home in Palm Springs. She won't be back until mid June. First she said mid May, and I thought, 'OK, I can get to that'. But last night she said mid-June, and it's the first time I have experienced the loneliness we all have felt. Of course I've missed my husband and was lonely without him, but with her presence, I never felt alone. Does that make sense? Being completely alone is scary, which is why, for my own peace of mind, I bought the Bay Alarm medical alert. Much cheaper that Life Alert, BTW. So now I won't feel anxious about being outside doing yardwork, or worrying about falling. For me, now that it's only me, the price is worth it. Peace Steph

Hello All Today is my beloved Rick's birthday- he would have been 65. I had some wonderful, blessed events happen last night and this morning. I took the day off from work because I'm too emotional to do anything away from our home. I've posted before about the MiniCooper's radio giving me messages- it happened again twice last week. I leave the radio on for the dogs while I'm at work. My mom was a bit of a 'cougar'- her long-time sig. other, Tom, was 20 years her junior, and HER song was Rod Stewart's Maggie May. Rick and I had an artisan jam and marmalade business. When he went to get the personalized plates for the van, he wanted Jammin, but that taken, so he settled on Marmvan. Our theme song was Eddie Grant's 'We Jammin, I'd love to be jammin with you'.........Guess what song was playing the second I walked in the door last night? WE Jammin, followed by Maggie May!!! So both my mom and Rick are hanging out together! Then my sister called last night about 8. I hung up, put the phone of the coffee table and went into the kitchen to feed the dogs. The phone then rang as the intercom......totally different ring tone and tempo. The other handset for the intercom is down in the guest house! Guess Who!!! Then this morning when getting up ( I still sleep on the couch) I looked at the TV/Sat remote on the coffee table, and it's all lit up! The buttons only light up when you touch it! All this on the eve of and on his birthday! I feel truly blessed to have been given these messages. I know I'll be devastated if they stop, but for now, I am truly grateful. Happy Birthday, my honey- you were, and always will be, the best thing that ever happened to me! I love you! Peace to All Steph

Nayajan: I know the pain that you are going through, as I just lost my husband of 18 years on 12/20/17. But there are some consoling things that I had forgotten about. I had been a devote of Paramahansa Yodananda for many year prior to meeting my Rick. He was 100% western beliefs, so I let my Eastern beliefs slide.I am now getting my lessons again, and soon will be attending weekly meditation groups.I hope that some sort of mediation can help you- it calms the mind. Whatever your beliefs, please do some gratitude's, as I have found that a way to not only give me peace, but open the door to 'the other side'. I have had multiple 'visitations' by my Rick in the form of electrical aberrations, such as the car radio turning itself on and off with no key and other things Just because we can't see them due to our physical body limitations doesn't mean our loved ones aren't there. There is another site that I have found great comfort in: https://www.soulproof.com/loved-one-died/ but it's only in IMHO.. I know this must be agony for you with having young sons, but know they were somewhat prepared as your wife had been ill for a long time That doesn't make their or your loss easier. We all understand your agony right now. But breathe.....and then next breath, between sobs, will come. I am only 4 months out, but I know that our day-to-day living gets easier. I never had children, so I can't fully understand how hard must be for you. You are grieving your wife, but also grieving the mother to your children, who are also lost at this time. I send you great hugs for having to go through this as a parent, and still finding the personal grieving and knowing your sons need help too.. We all know how HARD the first few months are.....know that we are all here for you, Nayajan. Hugs,,,,Steph

Kayc someone should call the ombudsman for you area and make a formal complaint about the elder abuse. Steph

Oooh.... I love the idea of a group home! Someplace with no snow, but with 4 seasons. Communal dining room, communal gardens, and a rotating kitchen crew! Sign me up! Steph

and BTW, all of the links, in this and all of the other articles, are truly inspiring and comforting- IMHO. Peace Steph

Tom and Sandra If you have chance, please take a look at this article and website. It has lot of uplifting ideas on how our loved ones are, right now. https://www.soulproof.com/loved-one-died/ I love the term 'earth-suit'. Sort of like the old Sting album title, 'Soul-Cage'. Peace Steph

Mitch, that is spot-on! We have been robbed of the 'our' future, but we still will have a future. It's what we do with it from now on that will make or break us. I just came across an interesting article while taking a break at work. It's very uplifting. https://www.soulproof.com/loved-one-died/ Peace Stephanie

Holy Smokes!!!!!!! WOW is that some stunning flower! You have showered your love, for Susan, on those flowers to make them bloom like that- I'm an avid gardener, and I've never seen such a magnificent bloom, other that professional growers. Susan would be proud of what you've accomplished. Peace Steph

Oooo Wagner! One of my favorite composers! Nothing like making it through an entire Ring cycle! I know what you mean about you mind automatically comparing....how can we not? Everyone else is a shadow compared to our loved ones, but still, I know I'll have to make a conscience effort not to compare. Is the amaryllis still blooming? Please do something kind for yourself on Friday, and know that we are all here for you. Be Gentle with yourself. Peace Steph

that's great Tom! What's the performance? Hopefully something light and fun, not Mahler or Schoenberg or other 'heavy' composers. What a lovely 'coincidence' that you were able to sit next to your friend and enjoy the symphony! It's good you are getting out a bit now- baby steps for all of us in the first year. I have joined some Meetup groups in my area, and while I haven't gone to any activities yet, I will be soon. Of course I would rather be spending time with my Rick, but that's not ever happening again, and I do not want to compare any of my current friends or new acquaintances to him. That wouldn't be fair to them- apples to oranges. Besides, everyone has something to offer to a friendship, and I don't want to bring up Rick to any of these new groups. I am Rick's wife- I always will be, even though he's not physically present. Yes, I am a widow, but that's a term that I will not allow to rule my life now, and I don't want that word to 'taint' any new friendships and groups. A quick acknowledgment about his passing is enough. For deeper discussions of my grief, I come here and 2 other fantastic online grief groups. Everyone here, and those groups, get it. Peace Steph

Sandra I am so sorry that you have joined the Club that no one wanted to join. Like you, I'm about 3 1/2 months since I too lost the light of my life. It does get easier, and then it will get hard, out of nowhere. I had a meltdown at work (REALLY??!!) yesterday, so I'm not a true survivor yet, but I'm working on it, day and night. Don't give up. I know that sounds easy to say, but we are here, ,and our loved ones aren't. So, that means we have to live now for two people. We have to try to honor them by trying to put one foot in front of the other...sometimes minute by minute. Like Mitch said, we are all on the same road, and you couldn't have found a more supportive group of people to help you through the tough times, as well as celebrate the victories, no matter how small they may seem to you. We all will hold you up when you feel like you are sinking. We will all be there to cheer when you have a good day, and there will be good days coming. They just will be different because it's just you. I try to remember that at one time in my life, I was BR.....Before Rick. I was able to have a life, do things that made me happy, and enjoy the beauty of this gift of life. Yes, it was oh so much more miraculous when Rick was here. But now, I have a new lease on life. It may not be the one we wanted and had planned on, and had dreams of. Baby steps, Sandra. But we can all do this, in tiny increments ....arm in arm, marching forward in solidarity, and feeling the pain, but looking forward to better times. Peace Steph

Yes, Gwen, that's what it is. The first show is one hour, followed by a 2 hour show. I don't know what the difference is, but I'm recording both.

What timing! https://www.npr.org/sections/13.7/2018/03/26/596442228/why-not-talk-about-death The author stated: Along with several others, I talked to documentarian Helen Whitney about my experiences with death for the documentary Into The Night: Experiences of Life and Death (airing tonight on PBS). Steph

Tom, Well, as a practical person, maybe the glass got too hot and cracked. Looking at that from a spiritual side, I'd say it was a God Wink, especially since you had asked a specific question. My Rick has been at it, too. His daughter in the UK asked me if the number 7:02 meant anything. I told her no, not that I know of. She had just purchased a new digital clock, and 2 days after she plugged it in, it's been stuck at 7:02, and she can unplug it for an entire day, and when she plugs it back in, it's still at 7:02. Then today, one of 2 co-workers that I confide in came back from her mom's funeral in Michigan. She knew Rick, and he had emailed her a few times in the past year, telling her how grateful he was that she was a support system for me at work. When I told her this morning about his daughter's clock being stuck at 7:02, her eyes opened wide, and then she started to cry. She said that last night, she kept hearing a beeping noise in her nightstand drawer, which is where she kept a battery operated clock for emergencies. She took it out, and the alarm was in the off position.......and the time was 7:02. She replaced the batteries, re-set the time and put it back in the drawer. This morning when she was getting ready to come to work, it beeped again, and she looked at it.....once again, 7:02. Cheeky Rick!

OK, this is weird.....the song that literally JUST came onto the radio as I post the above comment was 'Spirit in the Sky'!!! Peace Steph

Thanks for your post Tom. As per one of my previous posts about Has anything strange happened since your spouse passed? I think we are visited by our loved ones....it's just that this mortal body can't communicate to them or listen to their communications to us easily. Yes, I firmly believe that there are those among us who are, and who have been throughout history , been gifted in being able to connect with our love ones who have transitioned. A Karmic debt means, in what I understand, means that you have done some not-so nice stuff in your life that must be paid off by being re-incarnated again, (go around again to learn lessons) and do good, until that debt is cosmically paid off to God, the Universe, whatever you believe in. But there is that old saying.....What goes around comes around. In other words, you just don't get away with being a turd. You will have to pay it off, if not in this life, then in then in the next go-round. I have never been to a medium/psychic, but my mom went many years ago to someone who did life regressions. She knew nothing of my mom....nothing. She told my mom ' you have 3 kids- one son and 2 daughters. One of those daughters has been with you, for centuries. Mostly as warriors. Both of you as males. That daughter has been with you since the Roman Legion times'. When my mom came home, she didn't talk about this for several years, and finally when she asked me 'remember when we went to Venice, and we both knew where all the streets led to, and we never got lost? (this was before internet, GPS or Facebook). I said yes, I remembered. I shrugged it off at the time, but she obviously remembered the psychic's word. She then asked if I could remember anything 'strange' happening when I was a child regarding weird dreams or happenings. I told her that when I was around 3-4, when I would have to pee, a crystal clear thought would pop into my head saying " You have to sit down this time". Oh, yeah, that's right!. It seemed so normal I never gave it another thought until I got WAY older and when she asked that question. (Sorry if that's TMI). I also told her about one time when I was 3, I clearly remember to this day of floating above my body, watching myself sleeping in my bed, and I could see through the wall of our house and see my mom, dad, sister and brother all sleeping. I could see all of the neighbors, too. It wasn't scary, but was in fact very peaceful. I then clearly remember feeling the sensation of being dropped onto my bed from about 12 inches up. I felt a thump all along the back side of my body- head, back, legs, arms. But I personally think that your Susan is trying to let you know she is OK. Maybe she just hasn't been able to get through to you, so she's gone another route. However the road, I hope you take comfort in knowing that she is there...watching and loving you, every minute. My Rick has not only been messing with the electrical things here in CA, but he's now doing it over in the UK with his daughter. I firmly believe they are still there, loving us all. That's just my own take on things...........and BTW- I hope that Amaryllis is getting ready to bloom on your anniversary! Peace and Hugs Steph

Well, my Rick is at it again! On Friday, 10 minutes before I left work, my co-worker and I were discussing my costume for my stepson's wedding in October. It's a costume/cos-play event, and I had planned on going as the Phantom of the Opera. She gently suggested that was too dark a theme for a happy occasion like a wedding. As soon as she said that, I got her point immediately. I also was telling her how much Rick's absence is going to be felt. I went to my car (used to be his), and the same thing happened which occurred last Monday. The radio went on before I had a chance to even get the key fob inserted into the ignition! I think that his way of approving of my decision to change my costume. Then, over the weekend, my sister's brand new propane heater's pilot went out, and no amount of tinkering by her or I could get it to re-light. She finally had to call her stepson, and within 2 minutes, it was just fine. Then her battery operated clock stopped working. She'd just put new batteries in it two days prior, but she put in 2 more new batteries. Nope. It didn't work at all. This morning as I was leaving for work, she came up from the guest house to tell me the clock just starting working again, all on it's own. When I called my stepdaughter on Sunday and was relaying what had been happening, she said 'OMG! Two nights in a row our TV has just turned itself off, and the remote was in a different room'. I take great comfort in these 'God Winks', since I am sure it's my Rick letting me know he's here, just in another form. My vet was at the house yesterday giving my old St. Bernard her session of acupuncture. When I told her about Rick and the electronics, she just smiled knowingly. She said, well you know what acupuncture does, right? It re-aligns the energy flows in a body. That's what our bodies, and more importantly, what out souls are.....electrical currents. That's how neurons connect and transmit signals to each other in the brain-- through electricity, ie. energy. Then she asked me remember 'what is the first law of physics?' And I remembered and smiled..........energy can be transformed from one form to another, but can be neither created nor destroyed. So simply because our limited physical bodies don't have the capacity to see our loved ones, as they are energy, doesn't mean they aren't there. I read a bit over the weekend on signs that people who have passed are trying to reach out, and one of the most common is electrical things going haywire for NO reason whatsoever. I also read that the best way to reach out to your loved one is to meditate, since it calms the mind and leaves you more open to God Winks. This is all, of course, IMHO, but whatever the reason, I am so grateful to know he's still with me. Have a great day, everyone, and hopefully, you'll get some God Winks, too Peace to All Steph